Doctor's appt! No referral

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Okay, so I took my daughter for her 9 year check up and it went pretty well. I really love her doctor, she is so detailed, instead of a chart she uses a PC and reads the information and asks about previous colds, infections, etc. in every appointment, she catches little mistakes the nurses make with weight (shows she's really paying attention even to little details) and the nurses are the BEST, they are not perfect but they really care about my daughter and talk to her like she's important. They make her feel special. Anyway, they took dd's blood for her annual checkup and it wasn't that bad, while dd tried to convince them that there had to be another way to get the blood out, you know like they could just suck it out like a hicky, and if they took too much out, could they some how return it to her cuz she needed it! (at this point, I couldn't hold back the laughter and burst out laughing, disapointing looks from dd and nurse resulted, I was very appologetic explaining that it was just too funny of a comment and I couldn't keep it in, had to reassure daughter for days that I was laughing at her comment and not her) She tried to convince them it was too much and she was going to die! Then when she finally realized there was no way out of it, she looked like she was going to cry at which time I told her to go ahead and cry, they assured her it was normal to be scared, the nurse even said, she still cried when her blood was taken out. They didn't have to call another nurse to restrain her this time and I didn't have to leave the room!! !! ! Wow.

Now on to the referral, they asked DD to wait in the waiting room while I talked to the doctor. I started going down the list I had written, at first the doctor told me the behavior was just brattiness since she does so well in school and I should improve my parenting at home because that's where the problem is, but I was like, no, no, no.......you have to listen to everything. I've written the list in order of escalating issues. (maybe I wrote the list backwards, should have been written worse behaviors first, mild behaviors last)

Here's what the doctor told me to each of the issues:

1. My daughter can only have one friend at a time and breaks up with friends when she's bored with them - normal for her age
2. Shy, will not talk to a stranger and hides behind my back, I have to pull her out from behind me, will not buy herself anything for fear of speaking to strangers - normal for her age. (This one is really bizzare as I have never seen this behavior in her peers)
3. Will not talk on the phone - (normal for her age)
4. Hates kisses from anyone, will not hug friends or family, friends will hug her and she will stand there stiff- (normal for her, that's just her personality)
5. Doesn't follow along in conversations like one should - nothing to worry about, she's still young and is learining
6. Loves being at home more than anywhere else except if it's somewhere for her, hates doing anything that my hubby and I want to do - This is normal, talk to her about how it's important to take turns doing things that mommy and daddy enjoy too (right, genious! like I haven't told her that before like every single fricken time she doesn't want to leave the house to do something that's not specifically for her,why didn't I think of that before (sarcasm, yes!! !!) )
7. Meltdowns including slamming doors and saying terrible things like "I hate you" when angry! - Not normal and will only escalate to become worse. Now it's only at home but eventually it will be with teachers, friends and school! (wtf!)
8. Hates school and is depressed on Sunday's because it's almost Monday - not sure

Okay so basically, she recommended I see a psychologist for dd, no referral is needed. She even recommended that I go see the psychologist by myself and maybe I can get tips on how to deal with dd's anger issues and maybe she won't even have to go. She said not to take a list, just to speak my mind. The kicker is the psychology office she reommended has really bad reviews on yelp but it's covered under my insurance so I don't know what to do. I don't want to take my daughter to just anyone.

On the bright side! DD has transformed into a different child overnight!! !! !! ! Maybe she's on to us. Maybe I just listened to all the advise and have just layed off enough to let her be happier. Maybe I'm avoiding conflicts. I don't know. She's had no meltdowns since my mom left and has even been 100 times more social in school. It's so weird. Little things have changed, like before when she would spin, I would ask her why she was spinning or tell her she was going to get dizzy and hurt herself and to stop. Well, after reading that spinning is a form of stress relief and that if you supress it, it could be replaced by a worse habit, I've let her spin to her heart's content. Now I'll say something like, "what is spinning called in ballet? or, hmm, I remember spinning when I was a kid too, I pretended I was Wonder Woman" and she likes that. I guess we'll just take it one day at a time. I want to ask parents from my daughter's school or her navigator's group if they recommend a psychologist but I feel........like I don't want them to know anything is up.

1)When I was a little girl, at 9, the girls were starting to form cliques, usually called "clubs", and then kick out members and realign based on whatever nonsense little girls get offended by. I don't know about girls now a days, but I think girls at that age have multiple friends---anecdotal evidence only, of course.

2)I don't think it is typical, but, it could be just shyness.

3)This may be an emerging skill, but I don't remember for sure. Some girls may have been chatting on the phone, and I do not remember. (No help here)

4)If it is normal for her, I would not worry.

5)She should be able to follow a conversation but I do not know of what complexity. (Anecdotal evidence, only)

6)Mine is like this at seven, and we do not consider it "typical" but he is very severe, and does not like to leave the house, even for something for him, sometimes. It probably depends on the severity of the issue and how she handles when you make her go somewhere.

7)Nine can be the beginning of hormonal issues. I think I started being more like that at home at that age. It never followed me into school. I don't think it means it is necessarily going to expand out to school etc. --again anecdotal. It probably depends on the "why" behind it.

I would get a list of local providers from your insurer and double check reviews for all of them. This way you can get a feel if reviews for shrinks just tend to be negative, and just to see what is available. Sometimes doctors give out referrals based on personal relationships and other things and do not REALLY know how good they are at their jobs. Do you know anyone else whose referral you would trust?

IMHO the doctor is missing the point. It has been pretty well documented that girls with HFA or AS exhibit symptoms differently than boys. Girls especially seem to be able to hold it together at school. If you are not comfortable with the psych that was recommended maybe you can call the docs office and just tell them that. Ask if there is another psych that they could recommend. Your DD might also benefit from an OT. Our OT has been the most important part of my son's treatment/services so far though I will admit that our OT is a very unique individual. He's been worth his weight in gold to us!