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Snowy Owl
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17 Apr 2013, 11:13 pm

The only person I am affectionate towards in my family is my mother. I let her hug me if she lets me know first and I am even protective of her. However, toward my father and my siblings I am not this way. I strongly dislike it when they hug me or make any other kind of physical contact with me and I am protective of my some of my siblings but not my father. My dad is taking this as an offensive behavior when I do not mean it that way and I don't know how to explain to him that I am comfortable showing my mother affection but not him. Suggestions?


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briankelley
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18 Apr 2013, 4:04 am

Well, I can't think of any way to avoid hurting his feelings a least a tad. Lots of dads feel extra affectionate towards their daughters. Daddy's little girl and all that, even when you're 19. But I think you said it well here. You do not mean it that way and you don't know how to explain to him, that you are comfortable showing your mother affection but not him. You can't help it. It's not him, it's you. And you can't explain it. Your mom might know of a good approach him with it and even intermediate for you. Perhaps it would help if you didn't hug your mom at the same time your dad feels you could/should hug him too. I didn't like getting hugs from my dad either when I got into my teens and I also can't explain why.



InThisTogether
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18 Apr 2013, 4:58 am

I don't want to sound insensitive, but don't know how to ask the question without sounding insensitive...

What would happen if you just hugged him anyway?

I don't mean to suggest that people should just go around doing things that make them uncomfortable. You almost have to do a cost-benefit analysis of sorts.

If your concern over hurting his feelings is "larger" than your discomfort, maybe you could just bear with the temporary discomfort to make him feel good?

My daughter is a bit like this (used to be a lot more like this). And to this day, she really does not like to hug her grandmother. But she does it anyway. Although I doubt her grandmother would like to know that what she is saying in her head as she does it is "let's just get this over with!"


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briankelley
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18 Apr 2013, 5:58 am

I always bit the bullet and hugged my dad anyways. But he also compromised by making them quick one arm kind of hugs. The church I go to is a huggy bunch. And I hear getting hugs is healthy. But it's something I have to kind of force myself into be it man or woman. Except for Dorthy. She's a sweet tough 80 year old German lady who really hugs tight. Her I look forward to getting a hug from. Most every one else, ehh... The again, there's very friendly NT (I presume) guy there who won't let anyone hug him.