It's the same bad pattern over and over again

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Hi I'm back and I'm ranting again. So since I posted here I got sent to a mental hospital. I met a guy there who I thought I could relate to but he ended up using me for my money and lying about everything. taking advantage of me (luckily he did not take advantage of my virginity)... We even held hands and kissed but I felt nothing cause I knew he was a tool.
Anyways.. isnt it sad that is the closest I ever had to a real boyfriend.
fastforward, I dropped out of uni, and lately I've been realizing that I was being scapegoated there mentally (bullied, put down, and sexually harassed every day by professors, blamed for their adulterous behaviors etc) and that had a lot to do with my extreme emotions, delusional thoughts,,suicidal etc. That is the reason I was sent to the hospital, is those wicked men. I compromised in my mind telling myself that the nasty old men had some kind of spiritual connection with me while they put me down in front of my classmates, spread rumors about me, and basically turned my life into agony to where I did suicidal things.

So now I work in a warehouse thanks to the government giving me vocational assistance, I feel mentally, a lot better, physically healthy and trim. saving money, getting my self together. I am great at my job, in fact I am stellar, I love my job. Everything is new. I feel great. But then there is this older gentleman... I have the hugest crush of my life on him... can you see where this is going... unfotunately after my crush gets very strong I find out he is married. Now I am here with no real friends, and another older man who probably wants to take advantage of me, and in my mind I have constructed that I must know him from a past life.
isnt it sad that the only man who gave me things or treated me like a man should treat a woman is married..

I have decided that my life runs on a pattern of being used and assuming role of the victim. I feel like men my age don't want me, and only want shallow women who are bubbly and etc. I find older men, they are more attracted to things that are real and down to earth about women. It's just the fact of my life that I want an older man who cares about me and teaches me things. But at the same time I have been sorely abused emotionally by older men.

I think I will always be alone, and always taken advantage of by men. All I want out of life is love and friendship. I would rather lose all of my possessions and have good friends and some semblance of a soul mate, than be here alone and depressed. fml... i am glad at least to be saving as much money as i have, got my own car, and enjoying my job, but I am too depressed to enjoy anything lately. I know I can't screw this up again. If I don't fight this pattern, I will surely end up in the hospital again. I can't afford that.

Have you ever read Tess of the D'urbervilles? When true love comes along, it will be great. It comes when you least expect it. Even the best girls like Tess get treated badly before prince charming arrives on the scene.