Relationship Triggered Panic Attacks and Making Friends

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I have severe panic attacks every time I interact with people. The panic attacks begin after I have interacted with the person a few times. They are caused by severe trauma due to bullying and abandonment due to lack of social skills and symptoms of severe ADD with many of the same symptoms as autism. I recently realized I have actual Flashbacks. My experience fits the symptoms perfectsly of a Flashback without the visual symptoms (seeing images of the trauma but not seeing what is actually around you.) There is a second type of flashback where you suddenly detach from everything around you and cannot feel anything related to what is happening around you.

Any effort to stop this automatic reaction absolutely no effect. One thing works however, acceptance of the Flashback/panic attack. Total acceptance that I am powerless to stop it and powerless to stop the negative reaction of those around me. This, oddly enough, stops the panic attack. However, this acceptance is very difficult and I only succeed very occasionally although more often than I used to. My overpowering reaction to the debilitating panic attack is to panic further as I know that people withdraw instantly when the panic happens because the do not understand and do not know how to deal with it. I have told people I trust more that I have panic attacks. In every case (I have done this 2 times) their discomfort vanished immediately and they stayed with me. But bringing up personal issues with new friends is usually taboo socially and makes things more uncomfortable.

My almost uncontrollable response to these attacks is to fight and work really hard to get rid of the panic attack but this actually increases it. Does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with this?

Do you think about anything in a specific way in that moment?

Try to focus on a physical activity and try to breathe through it. If I give in and totally remove myself from the situation completely, then that sense of panic seems to rebound later. I've gotten panic attacks around people before, and I wonder if it's from having to deviate from a "script". I can't think of any other common denominators, other than a sense of emotional attachment.

"Do you think about anything in a specific way in that moment?"

"Try to focus on a physical activity and try to breathe through it."

I do know what I am thinking when the panic attacks hit. It is either, “I have no idea what to say or how to behave with this person” or “oh no, I made a social mistake”, or” my anxiety has appeared”. Which ever thought I have, I believe I will then be ignored by the person or the person will resent me because they misunderstand and think I have rejected them.

Unfortunately, attempting to change my thinking has no effect. I think I am experiencing flashbacks because of the horrible things people have done to me when they have seen the symptoms of my ADD/ sensory processing disorder and mistaken it for poor character traits such as laziness, rudeness and self centredness. .I have also tried therapy which also has no effect and medication only lessens the panic attacks but does not get rid of them. The only thing that works is accepting I am powerless over the panic and then strangely enough the panic subsides and sometimes vanishes but accepting the panic is hard to do

Breathing does help although it doesn’t help the lack of social understanding. Focusing on something else does not help as I have a concentration problem.
Physical exersize helps although not when I am with the person.

It's more of a physical focus, just a way to ride it out. It doesn't happen often at all, but it seems to stem from people I feel I could connect to emotionally. I don't let people get close to me because part of me sees that as being too vulnerable and frightening. I link that with feeling powerless nd devastated. Something I need to change.
Running from panic attacks seems to strengthen the trigger. I guess my best advice is to ride it out and keep pushing yourself. There are those people who accept you as you are which helps negate all that fear and negativity over time.

I know there must be people who will accept me as I am because my husband does and he has been with me 20 years. However, every other person I have ever met leaves me immediately as soon as they feel the least bit uncomfortable. This makes me think most people are completely shallow and intolerant. I feel so pressured to hide my ADD/sensory symptoms that I freeze socially.

If there are people out there who will accept me as I am, where are they? At the moment, I am in the horrible situation of sitting in a group of mothers to pick up my child from school and none of them speak to me because my anxiety is making them uncomfortable. I just want to get along with the moms so my child is comfortable at school.