I was diagnosed with ADD at a young age, and recently, after meeting someone who has a diagnosis for Asperger's and after reading The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome, I've decided to speak with a professional (hopefully) concerning a diagnosis.
Was I right to choose a Psychologist over a Psychiatrist?
I'm afraid, however, that I'm going to be so nervous that speaking to him/her will be difficult. The few people I know, and have already attempted to confide in, have seemingly abandoned me and the thought of me having it, although I'm not surprised by that fact; I sounded like an utter mess trying to explain my obsession with connecting the dots from past years up to my current and new understanding of Asperger's. Maybe I should bring my computer to type on in case I have trouble portraying my thoughts and emotions in an understandable way? My handwriting is diffcult to read, so I think I'll do that.
My eating habits have become sporadic, moreso than they were before, and I'm afraid I'm starting to lose some of the little weight I already have. I have bags around my eyes that weren't there before, and I feel unusually tired all of the time. I've been sleeping more than usual, although literally every waking second is dominated by thoughts of not understanding my past differences due to a possible misdiagnosis when I was younger.
I've read to the point of complete exhaustion and then some.
I recently spoke to my parents, something I NEVER do voluntarily, and my father shows a lot of the symptoms of the syndrome. When I was on the phone with him it was hard to get him to stop talking about his current fascination with packing goats, and I had to interupt him to get a word in edgewise. This broke, seemingly senile, 60 year old man with no money, and a job in which he makes less than me, is a walking case of Asperger's in my eyes, and I think I am too. From what I've observed over the years, he and I experience symptoms, such as: Uncomfortable making eye contact with certain people, social ineptitude, extreme focus on special interests that periodically change in severity and length, no friends etc...
He used to become so frustrated with everything that he would drink like a fish, and I inevitably experienced vicious beatings from him, and from others, as a result of being the smallest, and the one with the least defenses.
I told the two "friends" I had about my suspicions, hoping they would understand, but they didn't and I haven't heard from them in weeks. Not much of a big deal for me though, as it had been weeks since I last spoke to any of them, and it doesn't really bother me that I have no real friends. I do better by myself, as long as I have my computer to empty myself into.
It would be nice to have some closure though.
08 May 2013, 8:03 am
