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Past dates, confused about relationships

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SaltwaterRoom
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11 May 2013, 6:32 am

Hi there,

So I don't even know how to explain my "situation" but I'll do my best.
I dated 3 or 4 guys when I was 15/16 yrs old and then nothing.
I really don't know why, but it was always the same :

- 1st scenario - I am attracted to someone, we talk a lot (texting only) but then he wants to see me and around him I don't feel anything. I'm not especially shy but I just don't feel comfortable and don't know how to respond, when to laugh, etc. After 1 week or 2 I just breakup.

- 2nd scenario - A guy finds me attractive/interesting and he flirts with me everyday, he texts me all the time and I get tired. He wants to see me but I don't know how I'll have to react : kissing ? (I don't really like it), holding hands (same) so...
How am I ever gonna have a relationship with all these things I'm not confortable with/do not understand/do not want. :?

The only thing I would like is to have a best friend (male aspie for exemple) and maybe dating but very slowly. How is that even possible to find someone like that lol.. (are you there, perfect man ?) a little shy and quiet..

Most of the times I just don't think about it because I'm too focused on my interests but then suddenly I'm desperate, lol (I realised it's when people are talking about their great relationships and how easy it is to just hang out with their new crush)

Anyway, thoughts on this ?


(Oh and I'm 19 now)



ProbablyOverthinkingThisUsername
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13 Feb 2016, 2:45 pm

I've wondered about the same thing, contact with people produces an unpleasant sensation on my skin, as much as I wish it didn't. Some day I hope to find someone I can get close to without that happening.



Peacesells
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13 Feb 2016, 3:07 pm

SaltwaterRoom wrote:
Hi there,

So I don't even know how to explain my "situation" but I'll do my best.
I dated 3 or 4 guys when I was 15/16 yrs old and then nothing.
I really don't know why, but it was always the same :

- 1st scenario - I am attracted to someone, we talk a lot (texting only) but then he wants to see me and around him I don't feel anything. I'm not especially shy but I just don't feel comfortable and don't know how to respond, when to laugh, etc. After 1 week or 2 I just breakup.

- 2nd scenario - A guy finds me attractive/interesting and he flirts with me everyday, he texts me all the time and I get tired. He wants to see me but I don't know how I'll have to react : kissing ? (I don't really like it), holding hands (same) so...
How am I ever gonna have a relationship with all these things I'm not confortable with/do not understand/do not want. :?

The only thing I would like is to have a best friend (male aspie for exemple) and maybe dating but very slowly. How is that even possible to find someone like that lol.. (are you there, perfect man ?) a little shy and quiet..

Most of the times I just don't think about it because I'm too focused on my interests but then suddenly I'm desperate, lol (I realised it's when people are talking about their great relationships and how easy it is to just hang out with their new crush)

Anyway, thoughts on this ?


(Oh and I'm 19 now)

You shouldn't be worried about having a relationship for the sake of it or because you see other people being in one. Maybe nothing good would come from it. If you don't feel the need for it then don't worry, or you can always get some friend. :)



Spiderpig
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13 Feb 2016, 4:11 pm

Erm..., the original post is three years old.


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Peacesells
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13 Feb 2016, 4:15 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
Erm..., the original post is three years old.

I was puzzled because she says she's 19 and the profile says 21. This solves it. :mrgreen:



SaltwaterRoom
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14 Feb 2016, 7:52 am

Haha WOW I forgot about this topic... oh my god OK 8O



Outrider
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14 Feb 2016, 9:14 am

Kind of silly it was revived like that.

So, OP, since you are still on this site, how's the problem now? :lol:



ProbablyOverthinkingThisUsername
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14 Feb 2016, 9:49 am

Peacesells wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
Erm..., the original post is three years old.

I was puzzled because she says she's 19 and the profile says 21. This solves it. :mrgreen:

...This also confused me. I saw it in "Posts since last visit" and assumed it was recent. Must've been a forum hiccup...



SaltwaterRoom
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14 Feb 2016, 1:31 pm

Nothing changed much ahah!
But now I'm having more fun : traveling, living my dream as a french author.. also I kinda stopped caring so much about all this :wink:

Anyway, thanks guys ha!! :)



Planecrashlover232
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17 Feb 2016, 7:11 pm

This one boy(I've been friends with him since 6th grade) wanted me to date him in 8th(we also kissed on a dare) but hated it since I said no(but were still friends)


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UnturnedStone
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17 Feb 2016, 10:45 pm

ProbablyOverthinkingThisUsername wrote:
I've wondered about the same thing, contact with people produces an unpleasant sensation on my skin, as much as I wish it didn't. Some day I hope to find someone I can get close to without that happening.


I was the same, until I met my partner. In previous relationships touch / contact felt... Odd at best.
With my fiance, it was completely different since day one. Her touch is soft and soothing, my hand feels as if it belongs in hers. In fact she has a real calming effect on me in every way, she soothes my soul. With her I can do things I never thought possible. I always thought home was the physical place I felt safe, but I have come to realize, Home is wherever she is.



Unfortunate_Aspie_
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18 Feb 2016, 1:36 am

UnturnedStone wrote:
ProbablyOverthinkingThisUsername wrote:
I've wondered about the same thing, contact with people produces an unpleasant sensation on my skin, as much as I wish it didn't. Some day I hope to find someone I can get close to without that happening.


I was the same, until I met my partner. In previous relationships touch / contact felt... Odd at best.
With my fiance, it was completely different since day one. Her touch is soft and soothing, my hand feels as if it belongs in hers. In fact she has a real calming effect on me in every way, she soothes my soul. With her I can do things I never thought possible. I always thought home was the physical place I felt safe, but I have come to realize, Home is wherever she is.

I always think of stuff like this as being super adorable, but then I always wonder (not trying to be mean also not implying anything) what do you do when you S.O. inevitably dies? What happens then? Isn't it bad to put all of your eggs in one basket so to speak?
I really do wonder about this - the potential for loss just seems... so dire.



UnturnedStone
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18 Feb 2016, 1:52 am

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:
UnturnedStone wrote:
ProbablyOverthinkingThisUsername wrote:
I've wondered about the same thing, contact with people produces an unpleasant sensation on my skin, as much as I wish it didn't. Some day I hope to find someone I can get close to without that happening.


I was the same, until I met my partner. In previous relationships touch / contact felt... Odd at best.
With my fiance, it was completely different since day one. Her touch is soft and soothing, my hand feels as if it belongs in hers. In fact she has a real calming effect on me in every way, she soothes my soul. With her I can do things I never thought possible. I always thought home was the physical place I felt safe, but I have come to realize, Home is wherever she is.

I always think of stuff like this as being super adorable, but then I always wonder (not trying to be mean also not implying anything) what do you do when you S.O. inevitably dies? What happens then? Isn't it bad to put all of your eggs in one basket so to speak?
I really do wonder about this - the potential for loss just seems... so dire.


Not mean at all, I wonder the same thing sometimes. 50% chance I die first and if not I'll deal with it when it comes up as really neither of us should die in the near future. It's also learning and coping for me. I do things on my own more now and I'm getting more confidence in strange and un familiar places. She is / has been teaching me to cope not just be my shield so if she died first I'd still be much better off having had her by my side than not. Hope this makes sense.