Adult Aspie Meltdowns

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So, I've had meltdowns as long as I can remember. Particularly High School. A few times I have hit or rather slapped another guy for bullying more. Now though there's no bullying going on to speak of. I never learned a way to stop from screaming when I have a meltdown. I swear and scream. This usually is directed at an object, being a video game or a malfunctioning piece of technology. I've gone to counseling for such things, but I go there for plenty other things like trying to learn how to leave home, how to manage anxiety and stress, etc. That's all going well, but the meltdowns are forever. There's no in between time for me. Just instant reaction. When something goes wrong, it's instant blow up. Well I'm an adult. I'm almost 36. Shouldn't I be over this by now? Thing is I wasn't diagnosed till late twenties or 30 maybe, so it's past the easy point where the proper way to teach me how to overcome it can be done. I mean, if I was younger and had this diagnosis it would have been easier to redirect all my aggression. I suppose it's never too late, but at this point I've pretty much accepted this about me and my parents haven't. They can't stand the yelling and swearing. They preach to me, they have to have the last word. Don't get me wrong. They're good parents and all, but I don't think they know how to properly react to my meltdowns. I read that preaching and having the last word in the matter is totally the wrong thing to do to an aspie having a meltdown as it makes it worse and that it most certainly does. I'm at my wit's end. I have internally accepted that that is how I will react. There's no point in which I know I'm going to do it and can stop. If there is it's so short that nothing can in there to stop me. I've had countless strategies put forth to me by my therapists. My newest therapist gets me a lot better than the last one. She suggests that there's no repercussions or rather not enough. I worry that when I get into an apartment I'll get reprimanded for it. I am kinda loud, but so long as I don't stick with the object that is causing me the problem and can walk away after a short meltdown and not have it continue. I think that much I can do. Let's use my last one as an example. I had a meltdown because my tablet is acting more or less like it's possessed and randomly tapping and swiping in places my fingers are nowhere near. So later or even before that I already know there is something wrong with it, but it pains me, because it's no longer under warranty and I don't have the money to fix it or even get a new one. If I can just sit with myself and make myself realize that it's just going to happen and just deal with it till you have to throw it away or have the money to fix it. (I'm poor. Soc Sec poor.) So if I know it's inevitably going to make me mad, what can I do? I want to use it and I can so long as it works, since this is an intermittent problem. *sigh* I'm just tired of being preached at for it. I don't feel bad for doing it till someone gets real down on me for it. But the thing is I'm not directing anything onto them. They shouldn't take it personally. It's not on them. I have nothing against them till they get all preachy and crap on me.

It sucks when people don't understand that meltdowns are not chosen behavior.

Who said that they were chosen? They sure as hell are wrong!

I'm 35, I still have meltdowns. One of the biggest changes when I found out that I'm likely an Aspie (I'm in the process of getting a diagnosis) for me was that I didn't blame myself as much anymore. I used to think I was just crazy, or that I had to have more self-control. Now if I have one, I just accept it sort of like having a seizure, and move on with my day/night as much as I can.

I also tend to have technology frustration triggers, too. Broken things really piss me off when I'm having a lot of symptoms.

Would anyone who has meltdowns be willing to describe it for those of us who are NT with an AS loved one(s)?

Might further some understanding.

I am still wondering about meltdowns. Until now, I´ve understood a meltdown as a chaotic experience from sensory overloading. I have tried a bit of that once or twice, but what you describe in this thread sounds to me like partly uncontrolled outbursts of frustration over something. Am I right?

In stressful periods, I can go off because of things not working, people interrupting me and such. I don´t explode in the face of people, because I am a more or less polite citizen, but my kitchen floor bears clear evidence. It looks like a moon crater from all the objects that have been smashed by full power. (is "by" the right word here?)

My parents used to laugh at it, when I was little, - me fiercly attacking a chair because "it hurt my foot" (Dumb chair )
It became more of a problem, when I slammed the door, so that the frame threatened to fall out of the wall, when I was a teen.

Would that be meltdowns or just being overly temperamental?

Describing my meltdowns:

For me, I feel as though I am completely overwhelmed and my mind just implodes, which can make me explode. I have all of this emotional energy thrashing around inside of me, attacking me, and I have no way to disperse it. It is attacking me from the inside, whatever it is that is attacking me from the outside. I need to get away from what is causing this. I need to make it stop, it is out of my control. If the trigger-stimulus isn't stopped, I NEED it to stop and will do what it takes to make it stop - I need others to understand/believe me and help to stop it/get me away from it.
Only after this can I talk rationally with someone.

Potential triggers:
- Too much sensory stimuli
- Other people's expectations when I don't understand what they mean and they get angry with me/impatient
- Criticism
- Sudden change, particular if it is something important to me or that I have put a lot of thought/planning into
- People saying no/blocking me without giving a logical reason why when it is something important to me
- People asking me too many questions/interrupting me when I am already highly overloaded from other stuff.

Some of this stuff I can handle if it is just isolated, but it is when it continues and continues in the moment then suddenly I just lose it.

Thanks.

Meltdowns for me are as described by others above.

Though last week, for the first time, I sensed one coming and removed myself from the situation. I.e., I went home from work and called in sick until I felt better, and after scheduling time with my therapist to discuss it.

The signs that one was about to happen were: 1. I stopped breathing, 2. My jaw clenched, 3. I froze in position, 4. My brain stopped working.

In future I hope that I can continue to foresee that one is just seconds away and again take action to avoid it; hopefully in a way less costly than not going to work.