Abortion Experiences(NOT A DEBATE, NOT PPR MATERIAL)

Post Reply New Topic

I just want to clarify in the beginning, I'm not asking for opinions of women and abortions and women who get abortions.

I wanted to ask, for women who've had abortions, a bunch of questions.

Do you feel like you had support?
Do you feel like anyone tried to make you feel ashamed?
What are your thoughts on it after the fact?
Were you afraid at the time?
Did you encounter any pressure from outsiders(like protestors?) or even a doctor or family member?

I'm not pregnant or in need of abortion or anything, I just thought of this because of some earlier posts(Again, please no debate or putting people down) and I've talked about it openly that I've had an abortion. It's really annoying if someone tries to make me feel bad about it because they didn't go through what I did. But now I feel like I don't have to be careful not to admit it, I'm fine with it, and I feel like I did the right thing.

I just wanted this thread to be a safe place for women to talk about their experiences.

_________________
http://www.facebook.com/eidetic.onus
http://eidetic-onus.tumblr.com/
Warning, my tumblr is a man-free zone

You've just opened a whole can of worms with this post, and usually topics like this garner some nasty arguments. I know you said you didn't want a debate, but this is just a subject that people will argue about until the end of time.

a friend of mine had to cross a line of protestors to make it to her appointment. luckily, there were pro-choice volunteers to escort her through. she has told only her mom and a few close friends and they have been supportive. she works with some pro-life people, so she is silent there. her doctor said she felt called by god to perform abortions, so my friend regards her procedure as a gift from god. no shame whatsoever. sadness, yes. shame, no. just wise reticence about sharing.

Do you feel like you had support? Not really. I was pretty much on my own.

Do you feel like anyone tried to make you feel ashamed? No.

What are your thoughts on it after the fact? I was relieved to get it over with.

Were you afraid at the time? Yes but only of the procedure. The embarrassment and pain of having things done down there and the pain of the procedure itself.

Did you encounter any pressure from outsiders(like protestors?) or even a doctor or family member? No. None of my family knew. I never told them because I didn't want to make a big deal about it. My boyfriend knew and didn't care. I guess friends of mine and his probably knew but I'm not sure and don't remember. There were no protestors the day I went.

Thank you for starting this meems, I'll be watching closely. I started a thread similar a few weeks ago ( http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp5349926.html ) but it didn't go anywhere, sadly.

[Contents deleted for compliance with OP's intent.]

I was specifically asking women who've had abortions, what the experience was like, emotionally, for those dealing with the medical procedure first hand.

_________________
http://www.facebook.com/eidetic.onus
http://eidetic-onus.tumblr.com/
Warning, my tumblr is a man-free zone

As scared as I was of the pain and embarrassment of the entire process at that point I had given birth before so I knew it couldn't be anywhere near as bad as that, at least with an early abortion. From what I read about later ones it seems as bad as giving birth.

In order to get it I had to get my first pelvic exam. I never got one the first time I was pregnant. I only went for 1 pregnancy test and 1 doctor visit the entire time I was pregnant, refused almost everything they wanted to do, and never went for my 6 week checkup.

First I'd like to point out that here in Denmark the issue of abortion is not as problematic as it seems to be in many other countries. A large majority of the population is in favor of womens right to choose for themselves, and abortion has been legal since 1973. Nevertheless there are certain conventional ideas - mostly due to traditional views on gender roles - about how a woman is "supposed" to react emotionally to the situation in order to gain any support, from other women especially.

I have had one abortion. It happened when I was 25, and I was living alone, having just ended my first long-term relationship. Being depressed, I had decided to not really care what happened for a while, and so had casual, unprotected sex with a number of random guys. Very stupid decision. So...of course I ended up getting pregnant. For a wonder no one scolded me for becoming pregnant, but my then psychologist gave me an earful about my irresponsible behavior regarding the risk of STDs and for that I felt ashamed, because he was right. Luckily I didn't get an STD also.

I had no doubt about having the abortion at all. I've never wanted children, and the pregnancy made me feel so ill, both physically and mentally, that I just wanted it gone. My body felt heavy and sluggish, my thoughts smothered by an increasing feeling of cowlike stupidity invading my brain, and I had an irrational craving for anything tasting like peaches. The doctor who performed the abortion was surprised I felt any change at all, since it was so early in the pregnancy that hardly anything was there to be removed.

So - did I feel I had support? Yes and no. No one told me not to do it, or that I was a bad person or anything like that. On the other hand, the women I knew at the time clearly expected me to react differently than I did, afterwards. They seemed to think the "natural" response to having had an abortion - even one you yourself wanted - was one of sadness, even sorrow and loss. I just felt relief and nothing more. They were very ready to help share some drama, but when no drama was forthcoming, they seemed almost disappointed. I think they saw me as cold and shallow, but none said so to my face. The pressure to be more emotional was very uncomfortable for me, and I regretted telling these women about it. The men who knew were much more rational and cool about the whole thing.

So even though no one tried to pressure me regarding the abortion itself, there was clearly a pressure for me to behave "normally" when it came to my emotions and attitude. Because of this I didn't tell anyone but my mother exactly how disgusted the pregnancy had made me feel and how unattractive I found the idea of motherhood. So the only person who offered any useful support was my mother - and really, that was enough for me.

I have to this day more than 20 years later not regretted having the abortion for even a flicker of a moment. If anything I sometimes feel a wash of relief when i see other people having trouble with their kids. I'm so glad I'm not them.

No support and didn't look for it.
Completely frightened, but I couldn't support two kids. I was d#mm near homeless at the time as it was. We were living off of peanut butter and oatmeal, and pregnancy would have cost me my (very physical) job. I had to put my car in hock to pay for it.
My decision wasn't made lightly or carelessly, but there's always a sorrow too. There's not so much shame as much as a hesitancy sometimes, on whether I could have done more. I think I made the right decision, but it was the hardest one too.

My best friend had it done (I was there during the process) but she hasn't been the same since.

She's a dif person now and I think Its because of the 'operation'
She doesn't talk about it so I don't bring it up
She has become a Christian
She changed her waldrobe
She dumped her BF of 7 years, he too became a christian
She became distant
Etc.
I feel like I've lost the closeness we shared
But wateves.

_____________

1. Do you feel like you had support?
I had no support as my boyfriend at the time didn’t think anything of it. I needed support badly.
2. Do you feel like anyone tried to make you feel ashamed?
I still feel like the entire christian hierarchical ethos makes women ashamed of abortion and the receptacles of shame in general. When I brought it up to a supposed counselor in a certain church I won’t name, they made me feel like I was supposed to not only be ashamed but deeply guilty.
3.What are your thoughts on it after the fact?
That women can do what we need to do with our bodies just like men do with their bodies. That whatever grief and fear and deep sadness exist, these can give way after a while, be released so it doesn’t become a prison for the woman, when the woman heals from the operation and feels a sense of life again. My opinion is society expects women to be damaged.
4. Were you afraid at the time?
Yes.
5. Did you encounter any pressure from outsiders(like protestors?) or even a doctor or family member?
The doctor stopped just before performing it, began talking to me and pressured me not to go forward, he said that the pregnancy was so far along that it meant that in some way I must want the baby. He asked me to consider all this right there on the operating table. It was awful.