Literal thinking and telling others

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Is there a way to tell people that you're a literal thinker, but without it appearing as a weakness or odd?

The reason I so often push people away is that I'm far too direct with them - because of my literal thinking. It is very hard for me to ask to meet someone outside of work or wherever because I have no idea how to word it without it appearing obvious, and so often I come across as desperate/needy/asking someone out who I don't fancy.

That, and I can never read between the lines when someone suggests to me that they want to meet me outside work/some group, and it makes me appear uninterested/ignoring them. It happened again the other week and it took me days to realise what this guy was asking. There is this group I go to sometimes, and we had a day out. At the end of the day trip, this guy went up to me and said he was now going to the cinema with his friend. I'm pretty sure it was a subtle (just friendly) invitation, but it completely went past me. I realise there isn't enough information on this to prove one way or the other. But anyway - honestly, when something is staring at me in the face, I can't interpret it to save my life.

I'm wondering if someone could help me to come up with a phrase that helps me to tell someone to speak to me directly. For instance: I couldn't just say to them, "If you want to meet me outside of work, then tell me directly" because that itself is too direct for me to say. I need a subtle way to explain this to people without freaking them out.

Please help. Thank you.

This is an ongoing problem for me. I was having trouble understanding what my supervisor wanted. A co-worked suggested telling him "I am a literal thinker". I put that in an email involving the issue where there was a communication breakdown. I'm not sure if he even knows what that means. He may have asked someone.

A friend of mine said "You are going to have to just come out and say it because I am no good at guessing" when I was trying to ask him for something.

I sometimes say "I'm looking forward to it" when I agree to get together. I think that sounds positive without being needy.

In the cinema example you gave, maybe getting them to talk more about it might reveal where they are coming from.

Under different circumstances, the phrase "help me understand" can be useful.

Good luck.

You see, I wouldn't ordinarily invite myself along with someone just because they said they were going somewhere or presume I should ask. I would think that too forward and presumptuous, and if I liked the guy, would worry they'd be put off or laugh about it. So, I'm with you there. I figure if someone wanted me to go they would simply ask me.

There are plenty of people with or without some sort of ASD diagnosis that have problems communicating. I think it has more to do with anxiety than anything else.
Or the fact that others don't know how to communicate with certain people either. A new person takes work to communicate with effectively, while others end up becoming more withdrawn after a while and others are simply misunderstood.

You use your own internal translator in order to translate subtle information, and anxiety can certainly prevent this process from happening. However, anxiety doesn't make you a literal thinker because you're a literal thinker anyway.

Were you trying to be subtle yourself?



That assumes you already know you've been invited. I'm talking about the former part - how do you know you're invited in the first place?



That's quite a good strategy - thank you.

Me too. People rarely invite you by asking directly though, I guess especially so with me because I'm quiet/shy a lot of the time, and they don't want to frighten me/put me off. Sort of ironic, eh?

it takes intuition and your senses to determine subtle cues, in simiar words to what you said A literal thinker is more than likely going to communicate himself in a literal sense. That may frustrate others who try to read between the lines and find that they can't though.
I am not sure what makes a person a literal thinker or not though, My response was mostly about the type of people you communicate with.
As for a sublte way to ask people out.. "What are you up to on Friday? If you are not busy, I am having a bonfire at my farm if yuo would like to come."

Same here. Isn't it just good manners to be up front about an invitation, instead of expecting the invitee to figure out what you mean? Would someone send out wedding, baby shower, birthday, graduation, etc announcements, and expect the recipients to determine whether or not they were actually invited to attend? No, phrases like "Stan & I hope you can attend," or "can't wait to see you there," or, minimally, RSVP, are used so the recipient gets an unambiguous message. Why can't the same thing be done in speech?

Now, to the original question. I can't help with in-the-situation interpretation because I'm so bad at it myself. Days, weeks, or even years after an event I've realized what someone was really saying or asking.

Instead of relying on situational interpretation, I've tried letting people know that I appreciate candor and that the lack thereof is a flaw, trying to set the overall tone for communication, using phrases like:

I wish people would say what they mean. (Responding either to my own misunderstanding, or someone else's, treating it as a kind of 'teaching moment' to tell others how I think.)
I appreciate people who are up-front with me.
I try to be honest with people, and I hope that they will pay me the same courtesy.
Please be frank with me. Don't worry that I'll take it badly -I'm not fragile/am tougher than I look.
I know you're trying to tell/ask me something, but I'm not quite grasping what it is.
Just say what you think - I can take it! (This said when it became obvious even to me that someone was holding something back but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what or why.)
Just spit it out! (Similar situations)

All of the above said with a big smile and lighthearted tone to help dispel any unintended bite.

I once had dated someone who announced to me that one day he's "going to have a baby!" Well, he told me this over the phone and I was like, "Uh... OK. That's nice." I was really confused as to why he would be telling this to me. Did he want to have a baby with ME? Did he want to have a baby with someone else? Did he just want to have a baby and he didn't care with whom? Did he just want to see if I wanted one too? Was he having a baby with someone else? I asked him why he wanted to have a baby. I don't even remember his response. Needless to say we didn't work out. I wound up meeting my now-husband and then Baby Guy wanted a second chance. I told him, "sorry, too late." I found out through a mutual friend he finally met someone and had a baby. C'est la vie!

I would think the same thing but neurotypicals aren't like that. This is what annoys me, so many people claim to like truth and don't want someone who plays "games" and they want an honest relationship etc... but then they're the ones playing games with stupid and entirely pointless subtle hints.
I get that people fear rejection but stating the fact that you're going somewhere but not asking if you want to come along, even though that's supposedly what you're really doing... but not.... is ridiculous!
If they just said what they mean, there wouldn't be these missunderstandings that they blame on us. Not our fault they choose to not say what they mean and play games they claim to despise.

Precisely!

How about asking for clarification. Saying something like "I'm not quite sure what you mean. Can you clarify that for me?", or "Sorry. I'm a bit confused. What did you mean by 'x, y or z'?".

Usually this would result in:

1) An even more cryptic response
2) A rebuff
3) In fewer cases, something close(r) to the truth

And, it only works if you recognize there is some ambiguity in the first place. The OP's dilemma, if I understand it correctly, is one of having no idea that the other person is implying something other than the straightforward meaning of their words.

Those were just examples. You know is it very easy to be critical. Do you two have any better suggestions?