Trying to make a new friend... Help?

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Hi,
So I talk to a girl who works at the copy shop when I am there, we share some interests and she is friendly with me,
I want to be her friend, her REAL friend, not just someone I see every so often. I am Aspergers, and she is an absolute NT, which is the problem. I can hide my mannerisms when necessary for short amounts of time, so she probably doesn't realise I am at all different, but I have no idea what to do next... Can anybody help me?

This happened to me. I met an NT who saw me as an NT but I am HFA. We had a lot of interests, and talked about them. She said AHA you like the Beatles, you want to camp, you are my new daughter, and I really want to adopt you. But I have a hard time coping and being anything other than sad because I also have PMDD, that is everything in my mind clouds just before my period, this coupled with grief after grief after grief compounds the issue. Now I am already socially awkward and screw up the social rules, but all of these combined were a DISASTER. I felt like my filters I had developed were all gone, everything came out and I didn't know how to make a proper decision. Do I not reply, do I reply, what do I say,do I say I'm angry and hurt, do I say I feel betrayed--or do I not say that? It was only for a DAY and I didn't even say anything BAD. The next day feeling more calmly I wrote again, but then I realized she probably hasn't replied back because she HATES ME NOW. Oh boy. So I was desperate for her to understand. That night I felt like I got it right and tried to explain to her my version in my head--she writes back YOU ARE HARASSING ME, YOU HAVE STALKER PATTERNS I DO NOT LIKE IT.

W.T.F. needless to say she in a former message far far before she was ignoring me said, I did not know you needed so much, I didn't realize, and apologized and all this other stuff. Looking back I wonder if she was telling me she was LEAVING ME THEN! So you see, this issue might have avoided here: "Do I tell NT's or do I not."

I would say this is what I will be doing from now on for anybody who mentions loving me or wanting to be my friend (only for those who invite me in, I've never approached anyone):


I am still healing from the wounds of getting close to someone recently, where having these rules from the beginning would have helped. At least there would have been some expectations to this. This is partially because I did not know exactly what I required and because I didn't understand that being on the Autistic Spectrum genuinely meant that these things would need special conversation. And partially because I did not know I still had these issues as it was my first personal relationship since the one several years ago failed.

I am more blunt. When I meet people I openly tell them about what issues I struggle with, and I will be creating a list of how my mind works and what I need from people, because I need to be more blunt there, so that I can be blunt and clear about that, but only for people who want to be my friends or who I have to work in intimate situations with (not every working situation I am in requires such details because I am not in close proximity with people, but situations that are intimate are close proximity). I like to do this right off the bat. Because I can appear NORMAL until I have a MELTDOWN. My Meltdowns are no longer VIOLENT, they are now where I cry and verbally become accusatory if I read between the lines WRONG or RIGHT, but have no way of understanding how to communicate what I'm feeling and to ask for clarifications.

SO, If you have any issues that might scare and intimidate her, then after getting to know and accessing whether she wants to be your friend or not (DONT ASK ME HOW), then casually bring up some issues that you might feel she needs to take into consideration. This could be WRONG of course. So take it with a grain of salt.

For me, making friends aren't that hard, but keeping them is what I struggle with. For making friends just greet him/her and talk about common interests and whatever you both have in common, talk in a few conversations and there you get a friendship.

Keeping friends, on the other hand, is the problem. Because of my AS, I do a lot of not-normal things that NT's (neurotypicals, aka'normal' people) don't do. I usually try to hide it all, but after some time it just doesn't work as i can never fully hide it all and ocassionally my AS quirks come out, sometimes with me realizing it ("well, ok I f****d up"-what i think when it happens) but the problem is lots of times I let out a quirk that I don't notice, causing people to dismiss me as wierd without me knowing my. Most of the friends I make then left me after a few weeks or months due to my weird-ness, once they see it. My suggestion is to try to reveal your AS quirks gradually, so that people will learn to understand and accept you over time. Oh and most importantly, try to be yourself, don't try to fake things that you aren't (learnt it the hard way, again, you can never keep being fake, eventually they'll find out the truth).

@ above me: telling people your ASD and what it means right off the bat to people who isn't friends yet is the worst idea. people won't like you for that. As I explained above, try to be cool at first, but at the same time be yourself and don't fake things, and don't reveal too much yet. Then when the friendship grows tell him/her about yourself gradually, if you can try to do it when a good situation to talk about it arises. Then when he/she already understands you (and make sure you can trust him/her), tell and explain to him/her about your AS privately.

And for everyone, try to avoid doing things that would make you be seen as a 'stalker'. don't intervene in people's problems, don't be over-curious with others, and don't follow them all time. nobody likes that! And it's not just us AS people who do that, it's just as common among NT's and I've seen a lot of people (NT's) have their friendships/relationships ruined because of it.

And yes, it's MUCH easier said than done. All of the above.

Thanks everyone for your replies, I hate to continue asking questions, but I need to know more...
How do I take it to the next level? How do I go from being that casual acquaintance, and become her friend?
Thanks in advance!

It's really a blurry line between acquaintance and friend. If you want to get closer with someone, go talk to him/her more, find things that you have in common and what you both like (interests, activities, status, experiences, etc) and talk about it. Eventually you will get closer. Though where someone stops being an acquaintance and becomes a friend - there's what I find hard to understand.

Oh, and don't expect too much, and if you're anything like me, expect half your 'friends' to leave you when they learn about how you actually are. Most NT's don't like being friends with people who they perceive as different, odd, or weird (us AS people).