Discomfort around little children

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The past Saturday, on Memorial Day weekend, I was invited to a family barbecue. My sister's family invited a lot of their friends, and a lot of kids came, ages 3 to 8. And most of the time at the barbecue, I just felt uncomfortable. Not scared like I might be as a little kid myself, not scared like some adult WP'ers describe feeling around children, but just uneasy and tense. I was on the lookout for any signs or crying or meltdowns/tantrums, I buried all shiny or unusual-shaped objects deep inside my jeans pockets, and felt very glad I wore a nondescript Fruit of the Loom shirt with no logos or writing on it (shapes and words tend to attract kids' attention). Younger kids were running around the house, picking up different trinkets off the bookshelves to play with them, and approaching adults they haven't properly met. Older kids were talking loudly amongst themselves. I did a decent job hiding my anxiety, though, at least I think I did.

I was in the minority; a big minority, as in the only one feeling that way. My parents and my sister's family were picking up the kids, tickling them, and talking to them like I don't remember them talking to me. My teenage niece was having the time of her life running around with the kids in the family room and tossing around her old stuffed animals. I felt anxious, uneasy, and stilted the whole time. I ate my food, made small talk with the adults at the table, and smiled at the kids the best I could. Some anxiety on my part must have shown through; one father sensed something was off, and tried to remedy the situation by talking to me about football. (I'm not a fan, but I really appreciated the effort, even if he did fall back on the stereotypica guy topic.)

I did have one nice interaction. The oldest boy there wanted to be a pilot, and his parents weren't too thrilled with the idea. They knew that I've flown Cessna airplanes before, so they asked me to have a word with their son and talk him out of it. I said OK. We talked for ten minutes or so. I diverged from his parents' request, and made flying a plane sound tedious and difficult (which is actually true), rather than frightening. (When I was little, my parents tried to have their friends "scare me straight" too. That only backfired, causing me to distrust all adults. I knew they were all in on the scaring straight thing, but was afraid to call them on it.) The boy seemed happy with the information I gave him, thanked me, and went off to play with his younger siblings. Despite the nice conversation I had with him, it wasn't playing per se. It was, essentially, a business-like information interview.

Still, I was unpleasantly surprised by how uncomfortable I felt in the presence of kids. When my niece was little, I enjoyed playing with her. But I was a teenager myself back then (with an even lower emotional and social development), and I saw her a few times a month maximum, plus there were still moments when I was very unhappy with the way she was allowed to act. Now, even though I'm 30, the age when a lot of people are starting families, I felt very uncomfortable around kids. (It's safe to assume that those kids were NT.) I just couldn't relax at the barbecue! And the only reason I felt comfortable talking to that boy is that I was artificially put into a teacher situation, where he was required to hear me out, or at least fake it well. I didn't let my guard down until the kids' families went home; then my family lit a bonfire, and had a nice conversation. Unlike at most family gatherings, where I get shushed even at the ripe old age of 30, I was actually allowed to get a word in at the bonfire.

Now that I rambled enough, what do you think made me so uncomfortable around kids? Is it simply the large number of them present? Is it the noise they make? Is it the fact that they haven't mastered social boundaries yet? (Ironically, it's something I struggled with for much longer than NT kids.) Is it being afraid to trip over them while walking after I've had a beer or two? Something else? Share your thoughts.

I think its everything you mentioned, children are often unpredictable and that appears to be underlining meny of your issues with them. Of course children can be extreamly annoying aswell, their ears can handle pitchs that even NT adults ears can't, nevermind ours. I can handle quiet/slow moving/mature kids and much like adults one at a time, thats it and don't expect me to be a babysitter becouse it never works as I can never exert authority over anybody for some reason. That may be part of the issue with me and kids it the responsabillity of being an adult and the innabillity to act or be the presence of one.

Kids mess things up, get in your space, want to grab everything, cause chaos, think the world revolves around them, demand nonstop attention... so yeah, kids are a PITA. However, it is maybe hard to appreciate kids until you have your own or are in an intimate relationship with someone who has one, at least that's how it was for me. I didn't grow up around other babies or very young kids. On the occasion when there was one, I saw them as curious things or creatures, like toys to be studied. They in turn reacted to me with trepidation and curiosity as well, but perhaps that could have been due to my being of a race of people they had never seen before. I had no idea how to act around them and they could sense it. Kids generally gravitate toward people who are not tense, but rather relaxed, as they sense safety in that sort of display. As a kid I also gravitated toward grownups who were more silly and gregarious, because they were not afraid to make themselves look stupid to get you/me to laugh, and I desperately needed comic relief in my life. I, however, could not imitate that behavior until I had kids of my own, as I knew it was important. I had to learn to set myself aside. It was and is not easy, but as with everything, it's a skill that if you have the heart to learn, you can.

Yeah, kids can be overloading.

I love children, but I do get overloaded by them at times.

Children under 6 agitate me. It seems that children these days don't seem as shy as kids used to be. We know quite a lot of people with very young kids, and when they come to our house their kids are always running wild and wanting to pick all the flowers in the garden or climb small trees. But my mum said that when we were toddlers, we were quiet, timid children, and were too timid to even move when at other people's houses.

It was a school holiday this week, and today there were kids everywhere, and seemed more screamy than usual. My ears still hurt now from their high-pitched, loud screeches they make. Call me a grouchy old woman but I'm a type of ''children should be seen and not heard'' person.

I don't think that's a generational thing. You and your siblings were probably just shier than average.

I can't stand kids. At my brother's wedding, I was nervous about my dad's cousin's kids. He has three, and he also brought his sister's daughter, as she couldn't come. They were sitting at the same table with us. They made me feel uneasy. Although, would you believe his three are the most well behaved kids I know. They did not speak unless spoken to, nor were they running around or anything. I complimented him on them. They behaved just as children should. Not seen and seldom heard. His niece, she was something else. I was afraid I would lose my tember grab her and yell at her.

Don't like children very much. Adored my own, they are now grown up, love my grandchildren but otherwise they scare me.

I think that's why I was uncomfortable at the barbecue. My anxiety level, fairly high to begin with, spiked even more when I saw them grabbing trinkets off the bookshelves and playing with them. I was shocked and disgusted by how the adults were allowing it. When I was little, the "bravest" thing I ever did at my parents' friends' houses was ask for a book to read, when I finished my meal before everybody else. Running around, screaming, distracting the adults from their meal, or god forbid, grabbing anything off the owners' bookshelves, was unthinkable, even to my young mind. One couple, with a grown son in college, had the original Winnie-the-Pooh books, the ones by A. A. Milne, not the bastardized Disney versions. I loved reading those books, but always put them back where I found them.

I was like that too. I was, for all practical purposes, an only child. I have an older sister, but the age difference was so great, that she was an adult when I was still in preschool. So little kids always fascinated me when I was little myself, especially considering that I was very lonely when I was growing up. Then, I got older, fascination gave way to cautiousness, then as I became an adult, to unbridled discomfort. I even told my parents when I was 11: "If you have another baby, I'm ending my life." The media firmly implanted into my mind this simple fact: when a new baby is born, the older sibling becomes "some short person who bothers the parents when they want to enjoy the baby".

Come to think of it, the kids at the barbecue didn't approach me very much. Knowing there would be kids, I dressed as nondescript as possible, to avoid attracting their attention. Although in their defense, I didn't give them anything beyond a smile and a "hi", while other adults at the party were having fun playing with them or at least getting a big kick out of watching them. I feel a little bit bad for what might seem like snubbing the kids, but my discomfort was so strong, I just plain couldn't get on their level, so to speak, and join in on their games. I just couldn't. Except the boy who I was asked to teach about the dangers of flying planes, but that was a dry information interview, not play.

I'm not planning to ever get married or have kids, so this is a moot point for me. I barely mastered being fun and gregarious with adults. And boy, did that serve me well on the cruises I took in the last two years. For the first time in my whole life, people actually thought I was cool, the same ones who would've eaten me for lunch if they met me in high school or even college. I even had a fairly comfortable conversation with two high school girls, when heading to the ship's theater in the same elevator. And yet, my discomfort around young kids is stronger than ever.

I concur with everyone else; children make me extremely uncomfortable; I did a little babysitting when I was 16 but it made me very anxious, and I felt even more foolish in my halfhearted attempts at "joining them on their level" than I probably would have done if I had just gone all out and responded in that gregarious, overly silly way that most NT's do in response to children. I'm determined never to have my own. It'll be my sister's responsibility to carry on the family line!

<--- Never had kids of his own. Technically, the loser of his family.

Children are ok but I dislike them because they are uneducated which is to be expected. I dislike uneducated people.

I find it easy to relate to and charm kids. In many ways they're more at my level than NTs.

My only problem with them is that they make a lot of noise and want a lot of attention.

I think it's a matter of experience OP, I find young children are usually far better company than adults and I do summer work at a kid's camp, hope to be an elementary school teacher one day. A lot of young adults both NT and AS feel the same way as you, unsure how to act around kids or what to say. Just relax and play some silly games with them, it's easy and they'll love you for it

Or the winner.

I can't stand children, with only a very, very small number of exceptions who are children of close friends who are serious parents (i.e., take care to entertain their children appropriately so they don't hang around begging adults for attention).

I was in a situation earlier this week where a small child was allowed to run in and out of a place of business (attached to her home). She was maybe 2 or 3, blonde, what everyone would say is "just so cuuuute." At one point she came over and stood in front of me offering me some sort of toy or something. I didn't make eye contact and was internally having that same sort of pit of the stomach reaction that happens when I see my husband has run into someone he knows and I just **know** he's going to drag me into another polite exchange, kind of half revulsion and half dread. Fortunately she just went away after a minute or so. I guess I don't want to chat with NT adults, why would I want to entertain someone's kid?

I'm fine with children in structured situations -- I taught school and got along great with the kids, but really 6th grade and older, not little ones.