How to be more social if I have no friends whatsoever?

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ImmenseLoad
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31 May 2013, 11:54 pm

I'm at rock bottom when it comes to a social life as I currently have no friends at all so what should I do to rectify this? I'm 20 and I work as a truck driver so work is a no go for social purposes since everyone at the company I work for it way older then me.

Does anyone have any helpful advice?



redrobin62
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01 Jun 2013, 12:25 am

I have no helpful advice. I can say that I'm in your shoes, though. I hear people laughing and having a good time outside my window and wish I can join their social group. All I can do is sigh and know there are others like me who feel the same way.



Bubbles137
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01 Jun 2013, 12:43 am

I also don't have any advice, sorry, but can relate. I have one close friend but she lives in Poland. My mum keeps telling me to 'get a social life' and to 'stop isolating myself' but I'm not doing it deliberately and if I try to meet up with someone, they usually cancel on me. My mum wants me to get a job in a shop or a bar because she says it will help to meet people but I don't really want a people-facing job because it'll be stressful and exhausting, and I've got a lot of uni work to do when I'm not working :/



GregCav
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01 Jun 2013, 2:26 am

I don't have a clue how to find or make friends. The friends I have (all two of them) are friends from school. And we became friends through Dungeons and Dragons.

So, perhaps... special interest groups or sporting groups may open up doors for you.

But I hear your still at uni. So, don't panic just yet. Get uni over with and start life before worrying about things like this. You'll drive yourself to distraction. Stay focused.



Bubbles137
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01 Jun 2013, 2:47 am

GregCav wrote:

But I hear your still at uni. So, don't panic just yet. Get uni over with and start life before worrying about things like this. You'll drive yourself to distraction. Stay focused.


Uni is a good way to meet people even if you don't make lots of friends- I never did the 'social' side of uni but I met a lot of people who I learnt from. I was lucky that I lived with a guy on on course who didn't like being around a lot of people either so we played pool in a quiet pub nearly every night which was amazing- the closest I've had to having a social life, even if he didn't want to keep in touch much after we left uni.



Pynasta
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01 Jun 2013, 2:36 pm

Maybe you could try joining some sort of sports club, or similar? There are other people who like doing that thing too, you might actually be able to make a friend.



thewhitrbbit
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01 Jun 2013, 4:10 pm

CB Radio? Practice talking to people.



TaoDreams
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01 Jun 2013, 7:05 pm

ImmenseLoad wrote:
I'm at rock bottom when it comes to a social life as I currently have no friends at all so what should I do to rectify this? I'm 20 and I work as a truck driver so work is a no go for social purposes since everyone at the company I work for it way older then me.

Does anyone have any helpful advice?


About 2 years ago I really hit rock bottom. I had no one I knew or talked to outside of my grandparents. I had been forced to volunteer as a kid with the Red Cross as part of their youth program, but it really wasn't for me, too much working with people on a daily basis. What I realized I wanted to do was to volunteer WITH animals. So I began looking for places where I could volunteer with animals and meet people in a setting that was comfortable for me. So that's what I did.

I think find something that you really enjoy doing and then see if there are any volunteer opportunities, meeting people in an environment where you already have something of common interest can be a huge ice breaker. Make sure you are comfortable with the environment yourself, I'd say at least for me don't be afraid for it to feel a little unnatural and a little uncomfortable, because that's how we learn and grow, but if it's too uncomfortable don't be afraid to find something else that might work better for you.

It took me 1 whole year and a half before I could finally feel comfortable both with the demands of the volunteer work I was doing in one place where I work with Horses at a rescue before I truly felt comfortable. My time there this past 2 years has been a huge learning experience, and I cried a lot during my first year and a half! But I've learned so much there and am always grateful for the experience that I get to have there with them.

The other place I volunteer at is also with animals, there are a LOT of people and I still don't feel comfortable, but the woman I volunteer for helps me to feel comfortable by being a good acquaintance. I.E. she's really a great person who makes me feel good about coming in even when I don't want to be around those people. I don't feel comfortable around the people who are not her there, but I'm still there doing what I love and I do get some social interaction while doing something I am naturally good at (working with animals). And because I am reliable and dependable I get a lot of brownie point references :).

I also made and lost my first friend through volunteering route! Haha, so I am obviously making progress.

So while working with animals might not be your niche there might be other things that might work for you in the volunteer area. And that's just my tip: Volunteer, volunteer, volunteer and volunteer some more :)



billiscool
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01 Jun 2013, 11:10 pm

find a gym, or a martial art school. That could help



Bubbles137
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01 Jun 2013, 11:41 pm

TaoDreams wrote:
I think find something that you really enjoy doing and then see if there are any volunteer opportunities, meeting people in an environment where you already have something of common interest can be a huge ice breaker. Make sure you are comfortable with the environment yourself, I'd say at least for me don't be afraid for it to feel a little unnatural and a little uncomfortable, because that's how we learn and grow, but if it's too uncomfortable don't be afraid to find something else that might work better for you.


I would second that- I do three voluntary jobs, and have met some really nice people. I love volunteering in a school because I like the structure and routine of it, and i'm more comfortable with kids than adults. I work with older kids though (age 9-11), can't cope with the noise in early years!



anneurysm
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02 Jun 2013, 2:47 pm

Meetup groups can be a great way to meet people...go to meetup.com and search for groups that interest you. Community fitness and adult education classes are also good ways to meet others. I'd also highly suggest going to groups for people on the spectrum: do an internet search for ones in your area. I've noticed that people on the spectrum get along best with others on the spectrum.


_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


Bazinga4
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05 Jun 2013, 8:17 am

In my opinion u r heading in the right direction by joining wrong planet.This might help u with being social.Your confidence will start to grow then.Is there any hobbies you have? If so this could help u create friendships because u would have something in common :)
Is there a community centre near u so u can join a club for people around your age.You are not going to make friends straight away it takes time and a lot of effort.Stay positive :)