Wonder if I have Asperger's

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Hi,

I just found out about Asperger's syndrome a few days ago. As I read the symptoms, a lot of bells began ringing, and I would like some feedback as to what my symptoms/experiences have been.

First, I am a health care professional, 54 years old. I was recently rated by another professional (I'm in a fellowship training program) and while I did well clinically, I was rated "low" in my social skills. This has been a problem of mine for a long time, which I thought I could develop or improve, but now I am not sure.

Going back in time, when I was 5 years old, my mother wrote to my grandmother that I was "determined." I didn't connect this to Asperger's until last night.

At the same age (5) I remember being bullied and running to my mother saying I "would never hurt anyone." Bullying continues to this day, but to a much lesser extent.

At age 6, my teachers recommended that I be put into a section for ret*d children. In response, my mother had me tested at a university, and was told I was "gifted" and that I was merely "bored" by ordinary schoolwork. I continued to do poorly in school until university, at which time things got interesting, and I did exceptionally well. When I took my health-care entrance exams, I scored in the top 2% for the nation.

Starting in first grade, I and a few other students isolated ourselves instinctively from the majority of students. We told each other that we were from another planet. I was from the Nactranius universe, and invented elaborate stories about it. I had an invisible flying-saucer in my back yard, and I had been swapped at birth for my parent's natural child. I was unable to participate in sports, I didn't have the skills, and when I tried to develop them and join a team, I was excluded. As a consequence, in high school, I decided that sports information was a waste of valuable brain storage capacity, and began to actively filter all sports information (change the channel, etc.) I do not this day have a clue about what is going on in the sports world. I built my first shortwave radio at 13. I experimented with home-made rockets and explosives. I dissected animals at home. I was prone to unusual behavior, which seemed normal to me at the time until people laughed at me or responded negatively. I am prone to accidents, and frequently injure myself.

My "best" friend of more than 20 years turned out to be a fake. I did not know it until I was well into my 30's, even though he had on many occasions ridiculed me in front of others and planned elaborate hoaxes which I inevitably fell for, and which he revealed to me after the fact while laughing at me. I could not differentiate between a hoax and real information, especially because he was my "best" friend. It had to be explained to my by my second wife, at which point it became clear to me.

I am in my third marriage at this point. My first wife left me without explanation after eight months. My second and I were married for 16 years, and only stayed together that long because of two children. I will not comment on my third marriage, except to say that it is the happiest of them all.

I joined Mensa in my twenties, mainly to find others like me, but could not form friendships and dropped out.

My father used to ask me why I "always have to learn everything the hard way" and told me that I had "no common sense." I have noticed that I am prone to making lots of social errors and have learned by trial and error what to do to avoid those same mistakes. That does not prevent me from making new mistakes in new situations that I am not prepared for, to this day. I made a huge mistake this morning, for instance. I am often thought of as "stupid" because of the mistakes I make.

One Asperger's symptom I thought I didn't have, an unusual stance or gait. I mentioned this to my wife, who immediately informed me that I did have an unusual stance and gait.

I have no current friends outside of my current wife. Nor have I had "friends" since childhood. I am desperately lonely and at the same time, when I meet someone, I don't want to get close. I was estranged from my oldest son for several years, and only recently have restored that relationship.

I am obsessed with physics and philosophy. I was a physics/astronomy major for several years before my father and uncle gave me a talk about getting into studies that were "practical." So I chose the same health profession my uncle belonged to, only to get locked into a career that depends on good social skills. Although I am good at what I do, I have never prospered, and have no medical insurance or retirement plans.

I tend to talk obsessively about things that interest me. I tend to give other's "headaches" with too much unwanted information. When I was younger, my sister used to accuse me of being a "know-it-all." I recently cornered a heating/ventilation contractor (in an effort to be friends) who was working on my house and got him to listen to a lecture for about three hours on quantum physics and multi-world hypotheses. I would not stop until he had answered questions I asked him to determine comprehension on his part. This behavior is hard to control, even though I am aware of it. Many times, I try to stop talking, succeed momentarily only to begin again.

I am excited to learn that there is a category of people that I may share some of this with. I have frequently told my current wife that I feel that I am on the "wrong planet" and a "stranger in a strange land." It was a complete surprise to me when I found the name of this website being "Wrong Planet." How very true.

Let me know if you think I have Asperger's. I am somewhat convinced about it, but would appreciate some feedback.

http://www.rdos.net/eng/

Try taking the aspie test on that site.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Welcome, Claudius. I don't have the unusual stance or gait, either, but am an Aspie. I'm sure you would be the best judge of your Aspie-ishness especially now that you know what tools and resources exist for your own edification.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Hello Claudius,

I would say, read the articles here, and especially read about other people's experiences.

I was late discovering Asperger's a few years ago, in my 40's, but it answered so many questions for me. In a way it was like finding the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle.

I think you'll feel right at home here Claudius. A warm welcome to you.

Hi Claudius, welcome to WP. I'm new here too, and pretty much self diagnosed (though I have taken the on-line Aspie test). I tried to get my doctor to listen to me some time ago, but was told that if I had any autistic spectrum disorder it would have been picked up and diagnosed when I was a kid. They said it is rarely diagnosed in adults .

Sounds to me like you fit a lot of the Aspie criteria. I can relate to much of what you're saying.

As far as I'm concerned, if it looks like a dog, barks like a dog, and walks like a dog, then it probably is a dog (or however the saying goes - if I can't remember them exactly I tend to make them up!)

Whilst I never was categorised as "slow", the kids at school gave me the nickname "Slug" because I was, in their eyes - this is despite the fact I was in the top 30% of my year in a selective private school.

Hated teams sports - was always last to be picked when playing games in the playground.

Never had any "real" lasting friends - my so-called best friend at (high) school even refused outright to come to my wedding. Don't to this day understand why.

I used to prefer playing on my own - hated it when my parents used to force me to play with other kids, even though I wanted to be liked and have friends like those kids did.

I've no idea why my NT wife sticks with me - she really must love me, because I certainly couldn't live with me!

Career wise, I am completely perturbed - whilst I've done OK for myself, I am extremely frustrated that I can't seem to progress to meet what I consider to be my potential.

I was excited to find this site recently as well - it was a complete revelation that there were so many people feeling so many of the same things.

So once again welcome

I did. Here's the result. Thanks for the reference.

Your Aspie score: 156 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 51 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

Welcome to WP,remember to psot,never post and please do join teh church of MTV haters and/or teh church of PSOT!! !! !

Welcome.

Welcome

Welcome,Claudius.
I'm self diagnosed at the age of 46 and I can relate
to your experiences. When I learned more about
Asperger's it seemed to answer so many questions.
I had an unusual gait as a child and that was one of
the many secondary characteristics that confirmed to me that I had AS. It certainly sounds like you have it
too but you'll probably know as much in you're own mind as any professional would be able to judge.

Thanks for all the welcomes.

One thing I have noticed about the diagnostic criteria, in fact, it seemed to be the "essential" criteria was obsession with a single topic to the "exclusion" of all other topics. I have lots of topics I am interested in. My pattern is that I get obsessed with a subject for a time, at least several years, during which I am actively pursuing something about the topic that I am interested in. This is to the exclusion of all else. Then for some reason, I drop it (without losing interest in it) and go on to another topic which I pursue relentlessly (and enthusiastically.) I have done this so many times that I have become very knowledgeable about lots of different topics. I think the diagnostic criteria should mention this, that someone who has this syndrome can move from one topic to another, and that over time a lot of things get explored.

That is my opinion. Do others here share this? Or do your obsessions remain the same for a lifetime, as the diagnostic criteria suggests?

Sounds very familiar to me. I obsess about a subject, hobby etc continously to the detriment of all else, but often will drop something after several intense months or years and move on. I never lose the interest though and will go back to it months or even years later. Glad you mentioned it - I was beginning to think that I was unusual in this!

I'm totally the same but always go back to my old obsessions like I never left them. I'm 30 though and as we are the ones that slipped through the net maybe our way of experiancing the whole obsession thing isn't understood. as it is the more singularly obsessed peopel who are picked up in early life.

Erny

Yes, it is the same with me. I don't lose interest in my previous obsessions. I think the diagnostic criteria are focused on children, and the clinicians are not aware of this pattern. Or if they are, they aren't including it in their essentials for diagnosis. One thing I have noticed is that my different obsessions are usually related in some way, and that I am usually pursuing a particular part of a subject, not the whole thing. It is as if I am creating a picture of something, filling in the different parts of it from different areas.

It has always been a puzzle to me why everyone I meet doesn't have these kinds of interest. I was beginning to think I was completely alone in the world. Wouldn't it be an interesting world if most of the people were Aspies? From my point of view, the "normals" have really screwed the world up, and their highly social nature is part of the problem, if not THE problem.

I hope I am not getting too obsessive about this!

I think a lot of doctors are obsessed themselves with rigorously applying the text-book or local conventional criteria for their diagnosis . As far as I'm aware there are very few average AS sufferers. My own experience with my GP relatively recently just left me embarrassed and unable to raise the question again.

All in all I think you're right - the NT world is the screwed up one! I perceive myself as being screwed up because of the conventions that have been forced on me. If I was "allowed" to live within my own parameters I would be a lot happier - generally, on reflection, I like who I am and feel more comfortable with things knowing I'm not alone.

I'm guessing you're currently into caving? I'm afraid it's not something I could do, because I would find it too claustrophobic. I think I would enjoy the quiet, solitude and discovery aspects of it though.