family having problems with being genderqueer

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Like I said in another post, I have been working with a therapist specializing in gender/sexuality issues at my local autism resource center this year. I'm not 100% sure yet, since I only got to see her 5 times, but it's very likely that I am genderqueer. My girlfriend and my friends are really supportive (although my male friends tend tend to joke about guys not usually having boobs). The problem is my family or specificially my mother. My style has changed a lot in the last few months. I haven't wore skirts or dresses for ages, but up until this winter I bought my clothes from the female department. Now I buy all my clothes from the male department. I've also cut my hair short. Mum hates my male clothes and hair and every time I see her she starts nagging about how I look. She doesn't seem to see that this change has made me feel much better about myself. I have always hated the was I look but now when I look into the mirror I actually like what I see. I've never told my family that I'm genderqueer (and probably never will) but of course they realize that I've changed. I don't know how to deal with this situation. I want my mum to be proud of me, but I can't change who I am for her, especially now when my self-esteem is finally ok. I might have to accept that she might never approve of who I am. Or maybe she just needs time. I came out as bisexual in 2006 and she still has a hard time accepting that I have a girlfriend. I don't know....The only thing that's clear is that I can't let her ruin my self-esteem by nagging at me all the time.

I hate to bump my own post, but this issue really creates a lot of anxiety for me and I need advice.

Hey. My mom nags too. She constantly buys girls' clothes for me, and when I came out as a reserved asexual/agender/GQ person she totally denied it. Same thing with my AS. Total denial. I hope the psychiatrist visit this summer would help her understand me.
The best advice I can give you right now (although I'm just 16) is to vent a bit of the negative energy on WP and talk to your friends. Parents can be very stubborn and resistant to change. You might want to tell her that you're still the same awesome person she knew, out or not.
I hope that helps.

I guess after a while she'll lay off you and eventually get used to it. I dress fairly gender neutral myself but before I used to present really masculine looking with oversized baggy clothes. My stuff these days are a bit more fitted but not too fitted. But either way while my folks used to get on my case about it for days on end they eventually shut up about it. Of course the thing that sucked the most was how they first used to get on my case so much about it back when I was about 19 or so. Now that was before I learned I was GQ and I believe that in it of itself actually sent me into a gender identity crisis because they were constantly on my case about my appearance. I think the worse pressure I received was when I was dating the last guy I was with. With that my brother and my mom would CONSTANTLY be on my case. At that point I had just learned I was GQ but I wasn't ready to tell them yet because I was only 22 and I considered that still young, new to the term, and not familiar enough to accurately explain it.

So then don't allow whatever her reaction is to alter your self perception or self esteem.

Whatever your mothers thoughts are on the matter, just accept them as they are and remind yourself that "it is what it is," and continue carrying on with your life regardless of whether she approves of who you are or not.

It really is that simple.. but oh so complex to pull off in reality. But once you can do that, you'll be free.. free from anyone else' thoughts or opinions influencing your ability to be happy.

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