Aspie-compatible Small Talk Guides?

Post Reply New Topic

I notice that the major reason why I still suck at conversation is my lack of ideas of what to talk about.

So do you know any books/websites/... that actually teach Small Talk in an Aspie-compatible way? I don't need any advice to "be myself"[1] – I want a step-by-step tutorial that explains the ideas and gives practical hints.

[1]<rant>To the next person to tell me to "be myself and just try", I will give a really hard math problem and tell them "What's the matter? Just be yourself and try!".</rant>

unfortunately, this is the part of smalltalk that cannot be taught in any way other then direct training.
a way to lessen the problem is meeting up with people at a setting matching your special interest, you can then start talking to people about your interest without it coming off as strange. from there, you can see if the conversation follows and takes on other topics. if it does, make a mental note of that topic and learn a bit about it, rinse and repeat.
this will, over time, expand your selection of 'basic topics' you can use.

i myself am following this method, and it is coming along nicely, although my 'other topics' section is still limited at best, the 'basic topics' are filling out for most of the groups i find myself in

Well, a quick Amazon search gives me 100,000 books about small talk. I think chances are not so bad that at least one of them might contain useful information for me.

I can't give you step by step guide because I just don't know how to do it step by step. It's just something that I don't think about I just do it automatically. Basically you just chat for a sec about whatever you're doing, like standing in line at Starbucks or whereever, you make a comment to someone behind you about it or make a comment about the weather to the person next to you at the pedistrian crossing, It doesn't have to be a huge conversation just a couple seconds of chat.

Here's a link with a few decent tips. Steps 6 through 9 are the ones that really helped me a ton in learning to carry on conversations.

http://www.ou.edu/class/bc2813/Conversa ... llTalk.htm

I have also heard people around here suggesting a particular book that's supposedly really good...if I remember correctly it is called "The Art of Small Talk", but I may be wrong. This is something I struggled with immensely for most of my life, but I've gotten infinitely better at it over the past few years.

A few suggestions: in initially meeting someone, basically ask them anything you don't know about them that you'd like to know (within reason of course, be respectful). With people that you already know relatively well, talk about any currently shared experiences (what's going on around you, or things you are or will be doing together). Or, about what the both of you have done since the last time you've seen each other. You can talk about current events also...I try to keep on top of funny/stupid news stories to use them as conversation topics since it always gets a few laughs out of people (Lindsey Lohan is one of my favorites, she provides a lot of material lol!). And as with anything, practice makes perfect!

Thanks, but most hints don't seem new to me... except maybe:

*converts to metric* ARE YOU CRAZY?
Even with people that I know, anything below 4 feet is really uncomfortable for me.

Last week, I attended a seminar with another student. Afterwards, we both had to go down the stairs. She walked right next to me, and I caught myself walking slower to make a displacement, which caused her to walk slower too, to "correct" the displacement.

One and a half year ago, I had to give a poster talk. When we practiced for that, a psychology student (she had made a poster on "violence in teenage relationships") walked up to me and asked questions. The first thing I did was making a step backwards.

That's one of those many ways to lose someone's sympathy, I guess.

vector, it seems like people want to talk to you, which would imply that you are a fairly likable person. Just be nice to people and get more comfortable with being close to people its hard (trust me I know), but it really does help people feel more comfortable around you. With me I find it best to just allow the other person to drive the conversation but if they aren't talkative or if they just seem like they want you to say something just bring up something you would both know about.

That's partly right. If no-one else is around, I often have good conversations with people. But as soon there is someone else they can talk to, I'm no longer interesting.

Anyway, those two conversation I mentioned above happened in a university context, so I don't think they count as "social communication".