Making friends at work

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OK, So I've had trouble making friends in the past (i.e. at school etc), but I've been trying at work recently and it just seems to me like no one I talk to is like me. I watch how well they click with each other while I get made to feel like the odd one out. They seem like nice people but I can't find common ground? Is that normal?

I've been feeling the same. I've been working where I am now for over 6 months now, and I just about know everybody's names. It did take me quite a while to remember who was who. I was OK with faces, it was just the names what took quite a while to learn.

I am slowly but surely getting to know more of the workers as the weeks pass, and I have had a descent conversation with some of the other workers, but there are some people I haven't said anything to beyond ''hello/morning'' or other small type of words like that.

A girl who I used to know at school (but lost touch with) works there, and she is friendly to me, but she has befriended a lot of the other young workers there and they are always doing things together outside of work, but I'm never invited. This does make me feel excluded, but I'm afraid to invite myself. They are nice enough, but I suppose they know I'm too quiet and so just assume I will say no if they did ask me to come out with them. Still, it'd be nice to be asked.

I am getting good with having more conversations with the workers who I mostly work with, and I can tell they go out of their way to have a conversation with me (since I'm not bad at relating to people), but I find that when there's a big group, I get a bit ignored, even if I try to talk, or start by laughing when they laugh, and making eye contact, and so on. Today I said bye to a room full of the friendliest workers (when it was the end of my shift) but nobody heard me, even though I said it twice, and loud enough. It's funny how people can get rather absorbed into a group discussion and tune out everything else around them. I'm the opposite, my ears are open to everything, so if I was listening to people in a group, I would also hear what is going on on the outside.

Sorry to ramble on. I don't have much advice but hopefully you won't feel like you're alone with feeling like this if you read how others here get on socially at work too. For socially awkward people like us, social relationships with other workers tend to build up rather slowly.

I can find common ground with maybe 1% of the people that I meet. So, if there are less than 100 coworkers, then you're at least not stranger than me...


That's what I experience all the time. And afterwards, people even apologise, so I think they genuinely don't notice me.

This is an issue I have given a lot of thought to and I still don't really have an answer myself. At first I thought it may be that the people in the office with me were a lot older than me so it was less likely I would form the same type of relationships with them, especially anything outside of work. However I recently spent 9 months with a company and most of the people were my age give or take a few years. Despite this I was still 'friendly' with people and made 'small talk' while in the office, but I never really felt like it was anything more than people I worked with. I noticed that a lot of them got on very well and did things outside of work and it was clear they were friends but that never seemed to happen with me.

However an interesting observation is that when I did meet people outside of work for a Christmas party I found people telling me how quiet they thought I was. This is likely because I become a lot more chatty after a few drinks, though I did think I had made a real effort to talk to people in the office and that I was not overly quiet. It seems like I must be giving off a signal that says to others that I keep myself to myself and I am 'not like the others' and I don't want to 'join in'.

What have you tried talking with your coworkers about ?

Is it common things like how was your weekend, what do you do for fun ?, where do you like to go on holidays ?

If that is the case, then I would say the problem is with the coworkers. Otherwise I'd suggest trying to be as broad and general in what you talk about with coworkers. That way you make friends a lot faster

It has always been hard for me to bring up conversations while at work.. Saying "hi" is not really hard for me, but just talking about something is. It is just scary for me to talk to people I do not know very well, especially if I am not introduced to them.

This is a familiar problem for me, too. I'm always the odd quiet one, just hanging around. The place where I work now feels a bit more friendly, but that may be my imagination, since I enjoy the work so much. It feels like they almost accept me as I am. I talk about workstuff mostly, because I can't come up with anything else. My closest coworker is an exception, he's making up topics whenever I get mute and keeps the conversation going. He even "gets" most of my jokes, tho I believe he doesn't genuinely find them funny I've started to think he might be attracted to me, he's sort of trying too hard, if you know what I mean.
But generally, I "get on" with people who take the responsibility for the communication and just let me follow in my own way. They are usually very socially sensitive and I guess they can see that I'm not like everyone else in that way. It's kinda nice, but it can feel a little condescending... I don't like being pitied.

My co-workers know I'm different. They asked me to do one thing with them and it was terrible. I will politely decline from now on. Everyone my finacee works with is at least 30 years older than her so she has the same issue even though she's an NT.

I've been thinking of telling my coworkers what's wrong with me. I just don't know how and I'm a bit scared, too, of their reaction.

Oh yes it sure is. I had the same thing happen to me at my last job.

When it comes to making friends at work though, I would not worry about it just yet. The best thing to do would be to smile and ask to join a conversation during your break.

Start with "Hi, I see you often working in X department and I do not believe I got your name."

If one group walks away try another. It might also be best to sit and listen to them for a while and then start talking about them and their interests.

"So what do you do for fun?" and "Wow, that's neat."

Just do that for a while because eventually you are going to start talking to the right person and then hit it off. So do not rush it.

At the same time, be really careful about who you connect with because there are people at work who will hurt you just by attaching themselves and then spreading things. So that is when you use those listening skills to hear how many times they talk about him or her.

Otherwise hang in there and just do your job.