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KevinLA
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19 Jun 2013, 8:21 pm

We had a contractor in our home.

There was an issue. I was 100% clearly correct. My argument was factually right. Her argument was factually wrong.

I did raise my voice a little bit. I asked the contractor to confirm I was right. My mother was 100% factually incorrect.

I asked in a calm voice to the contractor in front of my mother to explain to her that I was right.

I became agitated and began to raise my voice.

My exact words to the contractor were, "Tell her I am right".

After the contractor left, my mother was angry with me because she that I was disrespectful to her.

Was I?



dajand8
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19 Jun 2013, 8:30 pm

it sounds like you were since you raised your voice and said "tell her that I was right," which comes across as bossy and commanding. Sometimes you have to let people be wrong, particularly with parents. I get in trouble that way with my mother too. She will NEVER admit a wrong. But unless I want a big fight, I just have to drop it. It sucks.



ASDsmom
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19 Jun 2013, 8:34 pm

Yes. Maybe your mom didn't understand the situation and you made her feel like a fool. Who cares who's right? That was your main drive - to get him to side with you against your mom.. to spell it to her that you were r-i-g-h-t. What might have been better was to ask the contractor if s/he could explain to you BOTH what the situation was (I'm not sure what the job was).



ASDsmom
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19 Jun 2013, 8:36 pm

dajand8 wrote:
it sounds like you were since you raised your voice and said "tell her that I was right," which comes across as bossy and commanding. Sometimes you have to let people be wrong, particularly with parents. I get in trouble that way with my mother too. She will NEVER admit a wrong. But unless I want a big fight, I just have to drop it. It sucks.


Sometimes it's just best to say, "We'll have to agree to disagree on this one."
.. and good point, always be respectful towards your elders.



Meistersinger
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19 Jun 2013, 11:11 pm

ASDsmom wrote:
dajand8 wrote:
it sounds like you were since you raised your voice and said "tell her that I was right," which comes across as bossy and commanding. Sometimes you have to let people be wrong, particularly with parents. I get in trouble that way with my mother too. She will NEVER admit a wrong. But unless I want a big fight, I just have to drop it. It sucks.


Sometimes it's just best to say, "We'll have to agree to disagree on this one."
.. and good point, always be respectful towards your elders.


If I were to talk to my parents when they were still alive, they would have hit me so hard that my pant legs would roll up and down like window blinds.



G4m3r5h4n3
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20 Jun 2013, 1:28 am

People do not like being told they are wrong, even if you are right.

Just keep it to yourself next time, unless it is life changing stuff it's not worth getting our heads over it.


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ChromaticRaven
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20 Jun 2013, 5:13 am

In my opinion, yes.
What makes this incident kind of disrespectful on your behalf, is the fact that not only did you raise your voice at your own mother in an effort to emphasize to her that you were right and she wrong (which is totally overdoing it - unless it was about life or death), plus you did this while you were having a stranger over - which not only is uncomfortable for him, but then further on you also involved this guy into you and you'r mothers somewhat "heated" debate (imagine how "cornered up" he must have felt, and sort of pressured to chose a site), plus for you'r mom i imagine she felt embarrassed for the guy to have witnessed this unfortunate situation - considering the fact that this isn't exactly the best first impression to give a person.

But then again, what's done is done, the best thing you can do is to learn from this event, and try to avoid the same kind of thing to occur again. Don't be hard on yourself about it though, everyone makes mistakes :)



YourMajesty
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20 Jun 2013, 5:27 am

I agree with ChromaticRaven, it was disrespectful, especially in front of someone else, and also embarrassing for all people there. That is, if our description is accurate and there's no info missing. Apologize or buy some chocolates :)



KevinLA
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20 Jun 2013, 9:38 am

I guess it probably was disrespectful.

I did leave out how my mother is an irrational person.

The situation occured while I was in the shower. My mother called me out of the shower and I was toweling off as fast as possible.
She continued to ask me to hurry up even though I was moving as fast as I could.

She does everything to please other and strangers at my expense. I have seen it before.

What is wrong with this world? Facts are facts.



KevinLA
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20 Jun 2013, 10:34 am

It looks like this morning my mother is being irrational again.

I need to return some things to Home Depot. I have 90 days to do so.

She want them returned, "immediately". She would rather I make a special trip today instead of saving gas by returning the items the next time I run another errand and will be around Home Depot.

It is a new day though. There is no reasoning with this woman. I will return the items today.



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20 Jun 2013, 7:02 pm

Meistersinger wrote:
ASDsmom wrote:
dajand8 wrote:
it sounds like you were since you raised your voice and said "tell her that I was right," which comes across as bossy and commanding. Sometimes you have to let people be wrong, particularly with parents. I get in trouble that way with my mother too. She will NEVER admit a wrong. But unless I want a big fight, I just have to drop it. It sucks.


Sometimes it's just best to say, "We'll have to agree to disagree on this one."
.. and good point, always be respectful towards your elders.


If I were to talk to my parents when they were still alive, they would have hit me so hard that my pant legs would roll up and down like window blinds.


If you're a minor, that's called child abuse. If you're an adult, that's called physical assault in which you can press charges. When I read the OP's post, I assumed he was an adult .. I'm not sure why .. so if he's a minor, I can see how saying, "Lets agree to disagree" may sound provoking. LOL



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21 Jun 2013, 10:16 am

KevinLA wrote:
She does everything to please other and strangers at my expense.


Story of my family life.


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Joe90
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21 Jun 2013, 12:52 pm

*Sigh* depends on whether you're an Aspie or not. You're an Aspie, so it's considered ''wrong''. If an NT was in your situation with exactly the same argument and raised their voice and became stubborn by saying ''tell them I'm right'', and you commented about the NT's behaviour in this asking if it was inappropriate, the answers here would be, ''no, because maybe the NT was feeling frustrated, and raising voice is a form of emotion, and maybe he/she just wanted to get his/her point across by pulling a command. Happens sometimes, get over it.''

I get so annoyed when the words ''emotion'' and ''feeling'' appear repeatedly in the same sentence as ''NT'' as though the NTs get the upper hand all the time by always pointing out how they were feeling as if to make the Aspie feel coldhearted and thoughtless.

Sorry, looks like I have mis-read your post by mistaking you to be the NT in the situation. I wasn't, I was saying what would happen IF the NT was in the situation you were in. It's what I always read lately on any Autism forum.

In my opinion, I think you weren't being inappropriate.


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