I have this problem when every time someone shouts at me or talks aggressively at me, I start crying. Its not because I feel unhappy, I think its because I get overwhelmed by the sudden noise and my brain stops working. Meltdown?
Its gets really difficult at work, one of my bosses is quite shouty and I only just manage to hold it together sometimes. I want to be strong person and be assertive and I am...afterwards. I just can't function during the actual situation.
Is this an aspie thing? Any advice. I'm fed up of looking like a weakling.
I have the exact same problem; what's funny is that the crying is more severe and lasts longer when my parents are the ones yelling.
Your theory of being overwhelmed and thus triggering a meltdown or a shutdown is a valid one. It is also possible that we are so internally empathetic that their negative emotion is psychically and physically painful to us (I theorize that this is my case).
The ideal situation is for your boss, my parents, and everybody else in the world to realize that shouting and aggression gets little done in the terms of effective communication and getting the desired results out of people. This is unlikely, however, as aggression has been used as a communication tool for thousands of years.
If the cause of this is empathy, then cognitive-behavioral therapy and "grounding techniques" (forcing your mind to focus away from the anxiety/pain) may be effective. I am currently using this method on my own emotion regulation issues.
If it truly is a sensory issue in your case, then it may be worth a try to explain sensory issues to your boss and offer other techniques for expressing dismay, disappointment, or concern. Would it be possible for all "anger-provoking" dialogue to be handled electronically? Would it perhaps be possible for you to wear earplugs in the office?
In any instance, best of luck in dealing with this situation.
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I have the opposite problem; people talking really loud or yelling irritates me so much that I become agitated and aggressive. I can't say which is worse because yelling at people, and often scaring the s**t out of them, creates some serious problems for me. For example, yelling at a boss or teacher is rarely good. Over the years I've become better at controlling my reactions but I still slip sometimes. I've tried to become more accepting of people and the world in general but when I get really stressed I'll think of something more pleasant. I've found that doing arithmetic or making magic squares in my head relaxes me. Just think of something you like. Your body follows your mind and it's hard to cry or be angry over something that you like.
That's the problem I have, too. I have a very difficult time dealing with others' anger when it is directed at me. I'll have to try what you suggested about thinking of things I like when this happens, and see if it helps.
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Its gets really difficult at work, one of my bosses is quite shouty and I only just manage to hold it together sometimes. I want to be strong person and be assertive and I am...afterwards. I just can't function during the actual situation.
Is this an aspie thing? Any advice. I'm fed up of looking like a weakling.
It's partially an Aspie thing though it still easily falls under biological Fight, Flight, of Freeze response.
Love the "shouty" description. =)
I can help with your instant autoresponse to shoutyness. StabilizingAutism/unsolicited-advice
It's a free* promo to bring awareness and support to our project. Plus it works!
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