Crush on my best friends sister

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Sheerboredom
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25 Jun 2013, 3:14 am

Okay the title states part of the problem so here is the rest:

Over the last two years I started talking to one of my early childhood friends again and well two years ago I met his sister. I don't really know how to explain how I feel about her but I've only ever felt this way about one other person. So fast forward two years she's s freshmen and I'm a senior, now I start to realize I have feelings for her and I don't want to have these feelings due to my friendship with her brother. Now the next problem I know for a fact she does not feel the same way, so at first I'm like no problem I'll just sit back and wait until I move on but my parents make it more awkward now by asking her to my Junior prom for me without running it by me of course and this makes it impossible to even talk to her brother for about a week due to the embarrassment.

Okay now fast forward about three months and now it's summer vacation with today being my brothers open house. My friend and his entire family both show up. So she's here as well and she decides to swim in my families pool which I'm in. I'll cut off the rest of the details and get to the point then.

How the h*** am I suppose to move past her without ending my friendship with her brother?


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thewhitrbbit
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25 Jun 2013, 8:51 am

We need to know a little more.

Has she changed her mind about you?



Sheerboredom
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25 Jun 2013, 4:41 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
We need to know a little more.

Has she changed her mind about you?


Not much left to type sadly, I don't know if she has changed her mind about me Saturday was the first time I talked to her for more then a few minutes in about six months. Her brother knows I like her and he said its fine with him if I pursue a relationship with but their parents do not approve. I'm also seventeen and she's fifteen. She is way out of my league, I'm a 6 and she's a 10. I have a hard time telling if someone likes me so for all I know she could feel the same way but my friendship with her brother makes it odd as heck.

Now, here's my friendship with her brother:

I have known him since I was seven. He is older than me by a year and graduated from High School. Like it was already stated I started talking to him about two years ago which is the first time I met his sister. According to him he has a hard time keeping "idiots" away from his sister. I play paintball with him and he wanted to join the same team I was on. I don't know when he figured out I like his sister. He is also one of the few people who know I'm a aspie.

That's all I could think of off hand will add more as I remember it.


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500Chocolatepuppies
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26 Jun 2013, 9:02 am

The easiest way for NT's is really just tell them. I don't think that liking his sister would be cause for your friend to break ties with you. For one thing, he's already stated that he's fine with it, and to hell with the parents, seriously she can date who she wants.

Believe me, you'll kick yourself later if you don't tell her how you feel. The thing I find easiest is to put things in perspective and generally just think about things objectively. She says she doesn't like you in the way you like her. Big deal, you'll eventually find someone else (the neurochemicals for infatuation only last around 1-2 years or something like that, I know this first hand, unfortunately) Or she says no now, but later down the track she may revise her decision! Or she says yes that she likes you in that way. Always remember, that there's someone else out there worse off than you. You may seem to have everything to lose, but really you don't (esp. in this situation). When I was going through these sorts of things, I used to think that it was the be-all and end-all, life and death, but in truth, it really isn't. Also, make sure to keep an eye out for girls who are into you, I was infatuated with someone so badly that even when I was told that someone else (who happened to be a 10) had a crush on me, I didn't care. I now regret that decision, but meh.

Probably the best way is to just talk to her and say something like "Look, I don't really know how to say this, but I do really like you, but I don't want it to be awkward between us..." or something like that, I'm quite tired atm...

Whatever happens, just don't take it too seriously, unless "&@%# just got real" happens, just laugh and move on, it's hard, I've had to do it, but you'll get there, and always look on the bright side of life!



Sheerboredom
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26 Jun 2013, 7:46 pm

Thank you 500chocolatepuppies, guess I could ask her out or something along those lines that let's her know I like her. Didn't know the neurochemicals for infatuation only lasted 1-2 years though seeing as have had feelings for another girl for over four years now.


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500Chocolatepuppies
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26 Jun 2013, 8:21 pm

Yeah something like that, possibly more it differs from person to person.

Ok, so about asking her out, I'm not sure you should just flat out ask her out, but it can work. Make it something neutral, I'm not sure what you guys have there, but if your friend knows his sister well enough ask him what she likes to do. Then do that :D anyway nothing like dinner or stuff, maybe coffee or just hang out on the w/e if your friend doesn't know. Or ask her... :S

Ok so basically you DO NOT WANT TO PRESSURE HER. Just like any animal, if you back someone into a corner (so to speak) they don't like it! So if she says yes, just don't come on too hard, that's usually an annoying thing to do.

I she says no, well don't keep asking her out, which should kinda go without saying, but this is an Autism spectrum forum so...

And try not to have a panic attack! Lol



DefinitelyKmart
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26 Jun 2013, 8:24 pm

im just gonna say - this while thing is going to end badly, you know this though i expect.
ive always had a no go rule on friends family members... in the end if it splits up you lose both.



Sheerboredom
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27 Jun 2013, 2:29 am

500Chocolatepuppies wrote:
Yeah something like that, possibly more it differs from person to person.

Ok, so about asking her out, I'm not sure you should just flat out ask her out, but it can work. Make it something neutral, I'm not sure what you guys have there, but if your friend knows his sister well enough ask him what she likes to do. Then do that :D anyway nothing like dinner or stuff, maybe coffee or just hang out on the w/e if your friend doesn't know. Or ask her... :S

Ok so basically you DO NOT WANT TO PRESSURE HER. Just like any animal, if you back someone into a corner (so to speak) they don't like it! So if she says yes, just don't come on too hard, that's usually an annoying thing to do.

I she says no, well don't keep asking her out, which should kinda go without saying, but this is an Autism spectrum forum so...

And try not to have a panic attack! Lol


Don't worry about me taking a not taking a hint, I wasn't going to ask her out per say but either have a mutual friend say that I like her and then tell me what her reaction was or act more like a lost puppy around her.

Definitelykmart come on be a little more optimistic. Even though it probably will end badly.


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DefinitelyKmart
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27 Jun 2013, 2:39 am

i am very optimistic but i am very honest man, how do you think your friend will react?



500Chocolatepuppies
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27 Jun 2013, 4:05 am

Sheerboredom wrote:
Her brother knows I like her and he said its fine with him if I pursue a relationship with [her]


I think this answers that question, DefinitelyKmart

Also, did she say yes to going to prom with you Sheerboredom? Just curious lol



Sheerboredom
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27 Jun 2013, 4:57 am

500Chocolatepuppies wrote:
Sheerboredom wrote:
Her brother knows I like her and he said its fine with him if I pursue a relationship with [her]


I think this answers that question, DefinitelyKmart

Also, did she say yes to going to prom with you Sheerboredom? Just curious lol


It was a no, read it in her body language when my parent asked her even though I never heard the answer myself. From my knowledge she had a boyfriend at the time.


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Geekonychus
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27 Jun 2013, 8:49 am

Sheerboredom wrote:
500Chocolatepuppies wrote:
Sheerboredom wrote:
Her brother knows I like her and he said its fine with him if I pursue a relationship with [her]


I think this answers that question, DefinitelyKmart

Also, did she say yes to going to prom with you Sheerboredom? Just curious lol


It was a no, read it in her body language when my parent asked her even though I never heard the answer myself. From my knowledge she had a boyfriend at the time.
What the hell were your parents thinking?



MCalavera
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27 Jun 2013, 5:54 pm

My advice is: Don't even think about confessing to her your feelings. Not only that, don't even find an excuse to be near her in any way (NTs can tell and that would only make things really awkward for you later on especially). Your bond is with your friend, not with his sister.



Sheerboredom
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27 Jun 2013, 10:28 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
Sheerboredom wrote:
500Chocolatepuppies wrote:
Sheerboredom wrote:
Her brother knows I like her and he said its fine with him if I pursue a relationship with [her]


I think this answers that question, DefinitelyKmart

Also, did she say yes to going to prom with you Sheerboredom? Just curious lol


It was a no, read it in her body language when my parent asked her even though I never heard the answer myself. From my knowledge she had a boyfriend at the time.
What the hell were your parents thinking?


They didn't know she had a boyfriend at the time.


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500Chocolatepuppies
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28 Jun 2013, 12:29 am

MCalavera wrote:
My advice is: Don't even think about confessing to her your feelings. Not only that, don't even find an excuse to be near her in any way (NTs can tell and that would only make things really awkward for you later on especially). Your bond is with your friend, not with his sister.


I'm going to have to politely disagree with you there. I've had NT friends who had no idea that I had a crush on them, and I've tried total avoidance, it's not good for you. It really depends on who it is, some people are more in tune with others feelings. Saying that all NTs can tell is like saying that all Aspies are good with maths. There's no harm in trying, if it gets awkward, I think it will go away after some time.



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28 Jun 2013, 12:36 am

Sheerboredom wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
Sheerboredom wrote:
500Chocolatepuppies wrote:
Sheerboredom wrote:
Her brother knows I like her and he said its fine with him if I pursue a relationship with [her]


I think this answers that question, DefinitelyKmart

Also, did she say yes to going to prom with you Sheerboredom? Just curious lol


It was a no, read it in her body language when my parent asked her even though I never heard the answer myself. From my knowledge she had a boyfriend at the time.
What the hell were your parents thinking?


They didn't know she had a boyfriend at the time.

No. What the hell were your parents doing asking her to the prom for you in the first place?