Did you experience strict parenting?

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When i was a kid i experienced two type of parenting skills: My mom who was to nice and almost never said no to anything, and my dad who were really though and exaggerated strict. This made me really confused i remember, since they had so different opinions on what was OK and not OK to do, and it was like no regular routines that both had in common.

But most of all i remember how scared my dad made me sometimes. Every time i made a mistake or had an incident he would skip right to yelling or screaming at me, before having gotten to know more about the situation. Many times i got yelled at i had really no idea that anything bad would happen, or that i would destroy something. And the thing is my dad already from i was very young knew that i had Aspergers (though i didn't get to know about this from him until about 3 years ago), and considering the fact that he among others works with asperger kids, he should have known that this wasn't the best thing to do.

His yelling and screaming, many many rules and unpredictability, actually ended up making me frightened of him. I don't really remember very much of my early childhood, but my mom and grandmother told me that i often locked myself in the bath room in my mom's house, just because i didn't want to go to my dad for the weekends.

I did for example often have problems with food, and at times a bad appetite. Most of the time when i didn't eat all my food up, or disliked the food, my dad would put me in a room, for me to sit there alone until i had eaten everything up. Sometimes i would sit there for hours, and fall asleep beside the dinner plate. Other times, since i was so frightened of him getting mad at me if i hadn't eaten everything up i would even eat the food I had regurgitated. LOL actually do remember that my grandfather the times we were at their place, would make a visit to the room my dad would have put me in - while my dad didn't see it, then my grandfather would eat all the food up for me just to put me out of my misery.

Other things i experienced was really harsh penalties, for the smallest things. For example, once i was sent out while it was pouring rain, and very cold outside to dig away a whole bunch of rocks this lasted for about one and a half hour or so.

His strict way's made me a nerve wreck to be honest, in fact i was a little scared of him. - i remember just being around him as a kid made me terrified, because i felt like i never really would know what would be the next thing that would be considered wrong, or would provoke him to get angry.

This of course are just a few of the things, just to make it short.. But anyway's:


Did any of you experience being raised in a very strict manner? How did it affect you?

Yes.

When I was growing up, spare the rod and spoil the child was the norm for discipline, along with children should be seen and not heard.

Nope, I was never raised that tough. My parents seemed looser compared to other parents who were very strict. it was if I didn't eat my food, no dessert and go to bed hungry or eat the food she made. My mom was tough, Dad was easy. It was also if I didn't do my homework, she would tear up my book order and I won't get any books. If I don't put away my clothes or do what she wants me to do that was responsibilities, I couldn't do anything else until I did it. I even knew a family who didn't let their kids play video games unless there was snow on the ground. At least I was allowed to play them all year around. I heard of a story from my uncle once who told me he once read in a magazine back in the 70's about a father who got sick and tired of his kids watching TV all day long and fighting over what shows to watch he somehow made the TV only work if the bike to it is ridden and it would pump up the electricity to the TV set to make it run. At least they would get good exercise that way. Mine were never that strict.

My parents weren't so strict in the terms described but were strict in other ways, I feel. There were no draconian punishments (then again, I never really did anything wrong), yelling, or making me fearful. (Probably because their parents did this, and they decided never to do the same.) But my parents were very religious. Until I my mid-teens, I wasn't allowed to watch movies/TV with profanity or PG-13 films. Even if the word "sex" was mentioned on TV, I had to instantly change the channel or turn it off. I even had to "guard my mind" against "bad" commercials - those with scantily-clad models, Victoria's Secret, etc. I could never speak questioningly of religion or God's existence. Until about the age of 15, my mother even scrutinized the books I read, without her actually reading them (though she's really loosened up in this area). Even though I was technically allowed to date at 16, my parents still wouldn't allow the one time I asked their permission, because the girl wasn't a Christian.

There are some expectations on their part too that fit into their thought. Now that I'm at university, and away from home, they expect me to uphold all Christian morals, find and devoutly attend a church, connect with a group of other Christians, and keep God at the center of my life. But, after many years, I've realized that I cannot believe, and I'm an agnostic.

I think the result of all this was that it made me inward about most of these things with my family. I don't feel like I could ever discuss love/sex with my parents. I dread the day that I bring a girlfriend home. I think the feeling of judgment I generally dislike possibly stems from this upbringing. Another result is the realization that my own views are different than my family's and life at home is different, in a way. I love my family and that part of being at home. Yet at the same time, there are reasons why I like being away at school.

My parents were moderately strict...honestly, they could have been more strict.

I wonder if my parents always knew I was "different" and let stuff slide that they shouldn't have. Had they expected more of me (as far as normal stuff), maybe it would have made my AS traits all the more obvious and they would have KNOWN something was wrong. I likely would have been misdiagnosed (as AS wasn't a Dx back then), but I would have KNOWN something wasn't right.

I was told I was "normal" because I didn't test positive on the tests they had at that time for autism or other learning disabilities.

I am 44 years old.

I was diagnosed at age 40.

I went to a Christian private school where my mother was my Kindergarten teacher, my sister-in-law my first grade teacher, my sister was my third grade teacher and friends of my parents through church surrounded me at all times. We were not poor nor were my parents under-educated.

I was under the strictest possible scrutiny 24/7/365.

My parents to this day do not believe that autism exists or that I am any different than any one else other than I needed to be corrected (beaten with a belt, paddle or switch) more often.

I joined the US Army and went to infantry basic training and then US Army Airborne school at Ft Benning, GA. I left home early to get out. I have never gone back home other than to help family move. I do not (nor have I ever) trusted my family nor do I go ANYWHERE near Christians or churches as a rule.

When I joined the military for two of the toughest schools the US Military had in 1987, I immediately had more freedom and better/more food than I had at home.

The way I was treated as a child was tough, strict, unjust, deplorable and it scarred me for life. I have never regretted leaving nor will I ever treat another being that way.

However, I am by FAR a better man today because of all of it. I got a first rate education. I learned not to trust people, to do for myself, to rebound from adversity and to fight hard for liberty and justice for those smaller and weaker than I.

And I thank my father (though I do not trust him) often.

Thats why when dad says "no", you go and ask mom for a second opinion.

No neither of my parents were ever strict with me. I could pretty much do what ever I wanted, and I could eat, or not eat whatever I wanted. They probably gave up on trying to control me at an early age. If they had tried to make me eat something I didn't want, I would have probably just had a meltdown.

Not especially.

My dad was a civil engineer, and my mother a waitress. He worked days and she worked nights, so when they had time together, they would spend it together. That left me safe, sheltered, clothed, and fed, but otherwise, they were kind of distant. I feel like this would be devastating to an NT kid, but I liked the absence of intrusion. Adding to this was that I was an only child. They weren't bad parents. Just...is detached the right word? By that description, they kind of sound like Aspie's themselves, but trust me, they certainly were not.

I'd say I was raised 'strict' but not 'rough' or 'mean'.
We had rules, and they were to be followed. Period.
But they were always the same rules, and they were explained, not yelled. Of course there were instances when parental patience wore thin and/or snapped (I think that is true for every home), the occational yelling did occur, but that was by no means the norm.
Also, my mom was the strict one, my dad were pretty clueless, and my dad's mom were somewhere in between. (I lived with mom, but spent a few days/nights per week at my dad's or grandma's. )

My father was a strict disciplinarian. When I was a child, whenever I would do something wrong, he would yell at me, and sometimes spank me. He would always threaten to take away my privileges for an undetermined amount of time if I ever make the same mistake again. He once took away my video games for a weekend after hearing me swear.

My mom was generally pretty loose... As long as I was happy, healthy, doing well in school and not murdering people she was generally fine with it.
My dad, on the other hand, was definitely a lot stricter and basically followed Roosevelt's advice (speak loudly and carry a big stick (or belt, as it were)). He got very frustrated very easily with me not listening and having a hard time following directions of basic social graces, and made it very clear when I had overstepped my bounds by either yelling, criticizing or, at its worst, hitting. The criticism part was always the worst... This, in particular, led to me not speaking with him for six months. (I feel a little guilty mentioning all this... To balance this out, I also have some very positive memories of my dad reading me and my siblings bedtime stories, taking us fishing (even though I spent more time throwing pebbles in the water and watching the ripples) and wandering around construction sites (he, too, was a civil engineer). There was some good nurturing mixed in with the strictness!)
As I've noted before, I spent some time last week watching home movies of myself as a child. Many scenes in the movie ended with somebody muttering my name just before the camera cut out. I could be misinterpreting the tone of voice, but they (my dad in particular) seemed to grow more and more frustrated as the movie went on... I guess I'm pretty happy with the way I turned out, and I know they're proud of me today, so I suppose the strictness paid off.

No, I wasn't brought up in a strict manner. I actually disciplined myself. I punished myself if I did something wrong. My parents were/are very supportive of me. They never got on me for grades, but I made myself do well, and I graduated in the top 5 of my class. When I began band, they didn't have to keep on me to practice, for I wanted to do well. And by the time I was in high school I was playing music professionally. When I wanted to bowl as a youth, I was the one who kept wanting to practice and practice until I was the high average youth bowler in the region. I only did these things well because I wanted to. They felt like they were a part of me.

With school subjects I didn't care for, I pushed myself to do the homework and study. My parents didn't have to tell me to do it. Upon learning to drive and getting my license, my parents didn't have to lecture to me about driving. I respected my first car and still have it tucked away in the garage over 30 years later. I didn't speed or drink. I was/am a rules follower. I was often told I acted like I was old for my time when I was growing up. I had no desire to do the wild parties or engage in things I deemed "not right."

So for those reasons, I have no idea how my parents would have raised me had I not been this way. But as it was, I was always treated as an equal in the family. I even got to help in vacation decision making when I was growing up as well as helping pick out new cars we bought.

My parents to this day deny my diagnosis, claiming it's an excuse. It's been a hard road up but I'm pretty proud of myself. They were pretty strict but I think they realized despite ignoring the name and label that I had to learn stuff in a more concrete way (yeah you can't go and say hi to everyone and rant about pokemon for 5 hours! lol) I still have problems but I'd rather be a functioning adult with flaws rather than someone who has a serious attachment issue.

I didn't only have my parents around, I also had three surviving grandparents living in the same street and an adult sister, and all of whom saw it as their calling to discipline me.

I also had problems with disliking certain types of food and having a poor appetite, and it felt like every mealtime was a struggle. I would fight the urge to gag and try and swallow the food, even though the texture was revolting and it had often gone cold anyway because it took so long to get it down and I wasn't allowed a drink because I would only "fill myself up" and not eat it. But if I couldn't help it and gagged reflexively I'd get a smack.

Mum was usually the softie who protected me, but when she was in hospital giving birth to my brother, Dad and Sis moved in for the kill. I was given so many additional chores I was in constant tears, I was confused by the instructions and demands, and was screamed at for every little mistake. I was a scrawny little kid, and in retrospect I think many of their expectations were actually beyond my physical capabilities at the time.

I was finally diagnosed AS last year at the age of 43. My elderly parents are convinced that I was a stubborn, naughty and awkward kid and that I just saw a doctor to make excuses for myself.

I don't know how to classify how I was raised.
The old man was strict about some things but not others. He'd go off over the little things like the most minute breach of table manners but let more important things like school work slide. He loved to berate us, especially me since I was the oldests. He'd do it no matter where we were or who was around which was very embarrassing. I did not want to have friends over because I never knew what what would come out of his mouth. He loved to tell them how I'd f*cked up at every chance and nothing was sacred. He knew I was easily embarrassed and self-conscious but that didnt stop him. He'd even have the balls to ask my why I rarely had friends over. I'd ask him permission to do something and he'd tell me not just no but hell no and that he'd better not ever catch me doing it or else. A week or month later he'd berate me for NOT doing what he said I couldn't. There was no right or wrong thing to do unless you could read his ever changing mind. Of course, after I made my way in the world, if you can call it that, he wanted to be my buddy and forgot all the s**t he put me though as a kid.
Funny thing is that his old man was the same way but worse by most accounts.

My mother was very frigid but had (still has) a very weak resolve. The old man could get her to do anything just with the mere threat of yelling which terrified her. I don't know why because I don't think he ever even came close to hitting her. Anyone can get to her and change her mind on anything with the least amount of persuasiveness and someone else can come along and change her again. There are no core values there, just what the latest person, website, or talk show told her.
If asked about anything controversial from when I was a kid she gets what I've termed selective amnesia occasioned by guilt and suddenly has no recollection.

When I was 10 my scout troop went camping for five days. I had the time of my life and at least half of it was because I was away from those two idiots. At the end of the last day when the parents came to collect their kids I really did not want to go home.

My dad's really nice, but my stepmom yells at and criticizes me a lot for things I can't help. I'm actually kind of scared of her.

Since I only visit my mom and stepdad a few times each year, they're pretty nice to me and leave me to my own devices for the most part.