Are lesbians put off by bi girls?

Post Reply New Topic

Be brutally honest, I won't mind.

Is it not bi that so much of a problem, but being outside the whole butch/femme thing? I mean, that seems to be an important part of lesbian attraction but I just can't do it.

I seem to have more luck attracting guys who are a bit outside of male gender roles or bi guys. All I seem to get is guys. Not that I'm complaining about that.

I'm guessing here, but I'm thinking that guys are more forward in asking girls out.

Perhaps you don't look lez. Perhaps the girls who are, are shyer than you would hope (or commited).

As a guy, I'm attracted to any girl who looks pretty.

Nah, I go out with girls on dating websites, get on really well with them, then they tell me there's no spark.

It's not because of how I look because I have recent pictures on there so they know what I look like before we agree to meet up.

I'm thinking it's either because I'm bi or because I'm an aspie. Women are probably more sensitive to social cues and s**t, so being an aspie could explain it.

I mean, the men who like me tend to like me because I'm not like other girls they've met before. Maybe women are weirded out more easily.

I'm really not that fussy; I will sleep with anyone I get on well with, provided they're up for it and I don't think it will make things weird and heavy. I think more like a man, I guess. Women are fussier.

I think it's the Autism--females tend to be a lot less accepting of social difficulties and mistakes than males. I've experienced this too and only have three female friends, while I have tons of male friends (and only one female has ever shown romantic interest in me, as opposed to about six males). I don't think it's because you're bi; I have a lot of acquaintances in the LGBT community, and they say the femme/butch thing doesn't really matter like people outside it think it does.

All the guys I've been with (all 3 of them, lol) have been on the spectrum. All the others who've been interested in me have had some sort of non-neurotypical thing going on (not necessarily aspies, but often things like bipolar.) I guess because autism's more common in men, that explains it. I'd need another female aspie, or one with some other brain/neurology difference if it's going to work, I guess.

As for the butch/femme thing - they SAY that, but really when they talk about their OWN attractions, it comes to the surface that they actually do things according to those patterns, usually.

If it was the bisexuality, why would they have gone out with you in the first place? Orientation is clearly listed on profiles if I remember right. Kind of hard to miss.

Lesbians who I have dated have said that they feel it is "riskier". They are afraid that the bi girl is just trying to discover herself and will dump the lesbian soon after the lesbian has started to develop feelings, thereby hurting her.

I know what you are going through I think. Pretty much every guy I date is happy to see me again, bu I've only been on one second date with a woman. I can't figure out if it's because I'm aspie, because I'm bi, because I'm not butch/femme, or because I'm not active in the queer scene/community. Those are all possibilities that I have come up with. I think I probably do come across as a "risk", because I don't "look gay". I wouldn't underestimate the power of the vibe that you give off, by the way you present yourself and/or your speech and mannerisms.

Not on this site, it isn't. Doesn't exist on the site I'm on.

I think I come off gay. People are surprised that I've had boyfriends.

One girl I went out with said she basically likes straight girls for the challenge and the fun of 'turning' them. No challenge in someone who's already admitted they like girls, has slept with girls but still likes boys as well. Compared to the straight girl challenge, that's as scary as hell.

How odd. No luck on the more popular websites that do, I guess?

This is a popular website. This is actually the only one where I get dates from it. I've been on other sites and had that I'm bi in my profile and I had no luck there. Yes, it's odd.

Shows how much I know about dating websites.

Well, good luck with dating. I know that some people mistrust bisexuals (I am, so I've experienced it), but I've also heard lesbians on other forums post that it's not a concern to them.

I can't shake the feeling that I'm just unattractive and a few guys are only interested in me because they have lower standards, or something.

I don't think it is because you are bi-- most lesbians who have a problem with bi women are very vocal about it (i.e. you would have heard something about it if that was the problem), and they are a small minority of lesbians anyway from what I have seen.

Butch/femme isn't completely dead, but there is a substantial portion of lesbians and bi women who don't adhere to it, or just don't care what label you are or what you look like, so I don't think that is your problem either.

It might be just coincidence-- the number of women who are into women is small. Because there is a large number of men into women, finding someone who likes you is much easier since you run into men into women all the time by chance. Finding a woman who is compatible is harder since you have to sort through a tiny population. For instance, if there are 10000 men and 10000 women in your area, and you are only dating-compatible with 1% of all people, there are 100 men and 100 women you could date and be happy. But while about 97 or so of these men are straight or bi, only about 5-7 of these women is bi or lesbian. The odds just really suck, basically.

^ See why I when people say 'sexuality is a spectrum'. It's not like I can turn my straight friends or anything. Some people manage it but I guess they must be hot stuff.

I think I need some sort of voodoo irresistibility to potion/spell...j/k.

Pretty much this. Women are less accepting of another neurology within their own gender to begin with on average - you probably saw this at school and at work. Women are always the harshest judges of other women. It's happening here again when you're dating too. It's more or less a subconscious screening mechanism they have and do without thinking.

I'm not sure how much of it is biological, and how much of it is just socialisation of gender roles, but it's a persistent problem I've run into in most areas of my life.
Hence the reason the female friends I have are either foreigners or other aspie girls.

The reason I say that is the reactions you are getting strongly remind me of the reactions I used to get from female colleagues at work - I reminds me strongly of this thread - http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt226883.html