I was never given a choice

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Nobody ever asked me if I wanted to be autistic. Noone ever gave me the option not to. Now I'll be able to find a woman to marry and have a family. Never be able to advance in the work place. Never be able to accomplish anything I want to in life. All because I was born different through neither any choice nor control of my. That this happened to me and not any of the billions of other people was nothing more than stupid luck. I was dealt a um hand in the genetic lottery, and my life was completely ruined from the very beginning because of it. How is that fair? What horrible thing did I ever do to deserve this?

I have Autism (AS/ASD), and I've gone to uni, earned an MSEE, got a job, earned a living, married, fathered children, and even served in the military.

Granted, my official diagnosis was a few years ago (I'm in my mid-50s), and if I had received it when I was a child, I'd have likely denied myself those opportunities; but what I'm trying to say is that Autism is not a death sentence, since people with (milder forms of) Autism can lead productive lives.

There is hope.

Life isn't fair. Could have been a hell of a lot worse for you too.

Life was never meant to be fair, either. We take what we have and we make the best of it.

Or you could always give up.

Autism isn't the same for everyone, there are people with autism who are married/in relationships and hold jobs...so being autistic doesn't nessisarily mean you can't do any of those things. It more depends on how your autism effects you, how are you so certain it will prevent you from doing those things? But perhaps I am not reading this in the right context, are your symptoms actually interfereing with your life that much or are you basing this off of something you heard/read?

If you really can't hold a job due to it there are other options, but maybe you could you'd have to try to find out. My condition prevents me from work at this time but on top of my autism I have PTSD, Generalized Anxiety and Depression and I'd say those are more disabling than the autism in my case....though without those other problems I probably still might find it more difficult but not impossible to find work, I am hoping i can eventually manage all that better so I could hold some kind of job. I can understand the frusteration that comes with having such a condition....but it doesn't necessarily have to be all bad. I wish I had better advice but I don't.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 30 Jun 2013, 10:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

Odd ... that option never occurred to me. I was too busy working on making my own place in the world.

@Sweetleaf: I've had a job for the last two years. My problem is that I'm still stuck in an entry-level general labor position I could've gotten straight out of high school, despite having a Bachelor's degree and owing over $60K in student loans. And I'm unable to advance because of my frequent meltdowns and disadvantage in interviews.

@Fnort: You have to consider the cultural gap between our respective age groups; women today are much more aggressively active in choosing their partners, and as a result they are pickier about introverted men than they were when you were my age. Now the military has an official policy banning individuals with AS from service as well. I doubt anyone even knew what AS was when you served. I'm having to deal with a very different world than the one you had to at my age.

Well at least you have a job, which means you could potentially get another if you don't like the one you have. Also maybe there is a way to treat the frequent meltdowns if they are mostly anxiety based you could probably get anxiety meds or something to keep you more calm so you don't have as frequent of meltdowns.

As for interviews I suck at those to so I have no advice there, aside from trying to learn to come off 'friendly' but that is obviously much easier said than done when you have social communication issues. As for student loans you can defer them, or in some cases if you really can't pay loans can be dropped but you have to fill out paperwork indicating you don't make enough to pay the loans back so maybe inquire about getting the loans deferred or dropped. I did that but due to applying for disability so thats a different form than if you're working and can't pay off the loans.

That's FNORD, by the way.

The only significant difference is that I never knew that I had AS/ASD until recently. This means that I never believed that I was "crippled" in any way, only that I hadn't yet learned what it takes to be popular. So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I went out and learned new things (i.e. engineering, music, ballroom dancing) and gained experience in the real world so that women would both notice me and take an interest in me, in spite of my "eccentric" Aspie behavior - if you want women to be interested, be interesting.

Really. You can do it. Pick up a guitar and learn to play it. Pick up a skillet and learn to use it. Pick up a shovel and learn to plant a garden.

I guaranty that within a year or two, women will notice the guitar-playing gardener who knows how to cook, and some of those women will want to get to know him, as well.

Sorry about that.
I didn't know that I have AS until about 5 years ago, but I could tell sense I was a child that there was something different about me; that I just couldn't fit in or be like other people for some reason. I was still being ridiculed and rejected by women long before I learned about AS.

As the activities you mentioned; none of those things interests me. Why should I have to pretend to be someone I'm not to be accepted/

What does interest you?

I was diagnosed ADHD, dyspraxic, aphasic, sensory integration, auditory processing, dyslexic, and so forth at the age of 7- THREE months before the DSM-IV was released officially making Asperger's a diagnostic reality. I grew up as an eccentric oddball at best. As a college student, I was diagnosed as Asperger's, using my initial evaluation and information about my background to make the diagnosis.

I am different. I think differently, act differently, and am interested in different things. I am having to create happiness using a slightly different yardstick than others. However, I am in graduate school studying gifted education with a focus on twice-exceptional learners. I have found professors who, while not aware of my diagnosis, work with me, help me, and give me lots of opportunities. For the most part, they appreciate the traits that make me who I am. I have not struggled academically, but I have struggled socially. I have found a passion and a place in the world and I am beginning to try to be happy there. I do still struggle socially.

As for marriage and kids... I want that eventually. Honestly I would like to marry another Aspie or Autie who understands my world a little better and appreciates the less conformist parts of me. I plan to advocate for grater awareness and acceptance for neurodiverse individuals. Aspies have to struggle to much just to live in a world that was not built to our specifications. The world was built mostly by and mostly for NTs. I am excited to be seeing autism friendly mall hours, gyms for specials needs, etc.

There is a place in this world for us, but it requires evaluating what we are or are not good at. For example, I am in a graduate program in psychology; however, I do not see counseling as one of my gifts. I am incredibly good at research though. I have to focus on my strengths and build on those. Look at your current job: What are you good at? What are your strengths? What does Asperger's uniquely gift you to be able to do? And then, what do you want? If you really believe it, you can obtain it.

Most importantly, never let anyone tell you that you are less because of Asperger's or Autism. You are different, but not less. Hope this helps!

Galvatron, while we aspies must be ever-cognizant of our limitations, I've found it is much more productive to dwell on our strengths. That has been the secret to my success with AS, and it sounds as if Fnord and some others can say the same. So, as another poster asks, what does interest you, and what are you doing to improve your skills at that?

What country is this? I've never heard of that policy!

Also, I have Asperger's (official diagnosis at age 15), was bullied from kindergarden to high school graduation, and am a Zoology major in a highly accredited public university in New York; I'm also happily engaged to a and planning my wedding.

There is not a single Aspie/Autie on this hunk of rock who was given the choice to be on the spectrum, nor is there anyone with any other "disability" that made the choice to have it. To quote Gandalf the Grey, and through him, the great JRR Tolkien, "All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us." Try picking an interest and running with it! My interest in animals has sent me into Zoology; come up with a few things you like and get better at them. You never know, it could give you an advantage!