Your peers explaining social rules to you

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I was wondering how other people like me felt about this especially when you didn't ask for this advice. I often feel patronized by this but it could be due to the way it is done and some people could find it helpful. Some people may feel that they are being help while others may do it to feel better about them selves. If people let me know about the politics of the situation I am often grateful for this but if people say you should do or say x in y situation and I feel they are talking down to me this annoys me especially if I don't believe they are a good role model.

It definitely comes down to how they explain it. If it sounds patronizing I won't appreciate it, regardless of how useful the information might be.

It depends on who and when. It shouldn't just be any peer who does this; it should be a friend who knows and accepts you for who you are. Trying to explain while either party is upset or angry defeats the point too.

I would have loved to have had a peer and someone a little older and wiser but young enough to be aware of how my peers think as well to have told me what the heck was going on socially when I was young person.

I have more trouble getting people to offer advice. Can't remember many times in life feeling like "I wish this person would stop trying to tell me what to do" except in school. But there are ways people "offer advice" when they are actually bullying, so like someone else said its better if it's from a friend.
but there are things I don't do like other people but that I don't think are wrong or that I need help with, like the way I use my silverware, and if someone were to try to correct it that would make me feel bad unless they gave me a very good logical reason.

Hey there! i'm not really sure about posting etiquette but imma jump in here with my 2 cents worth and such!

To be honest, if it weren't for the occasional "one on one remedial social studies" talks i have with a few of my close friends, i would be socially adrift and probably very inept (or more so urgh). But i can understand the frustration especially when its a social rule that you are already familiar with and maybe just forgot about, or maybe that person has acted in a derisive way (not that i try and resolve impoliteness with more so, but i can get frustrated easily).

Regardless, i would take the occasional extra credit class over dropping out of social school any day!

But i also outrightly and fervently agree with FMX, condescension is one sure fire way to lose both my attention and part of my respect, especially in the instance of someone your not so comfortable having the need to "fill you in"

As a kid all the kids on my street were 1 year older than me. They were ALWAYS explaining social rules to me and this was many years before I knew about AS. I just put it down to the age difference but with knowledge of AS it finally made sense.

Honestly it helped me so much although it was hard at the time. Kids are so honest and that's what we need.

Thanks for you opinions on this. The sort of thing I mean is when it is done in public when you are both adults and you feel they are talking down to you and talking the moral high ground over it and trying to make you feel inferior to them. As I believe we are not inferior and should be treated as equal as I am sure you would all agree. These people could be out for an ego boost at our expense or maybe just in a bad mood and we happened to be in the wrong place.

Although even if the are trying to help it can sometimes feel patronizing but maybe they don't know how this makes me feel although in some case I may tell them and be a bit candid about it.

Only, like, every day!

My ex-girlfriend would explain "the rules of society" to me. I would stim, but the only one she really tried to stop was me sucking my thumb. She said that my tics look painful or I'm really enjoying them. She actually taught me some things about romance novels, but I still hate them.

Information is nearly always useful. If they're being socially "rough", well sometimes all of us have to put up with other's social issues.
If it hurts your feelings then either tough it out, or tell them their social blunders, if they do it even more then they're just bullies -ignore everything.
Also social rules are not too easy to verbalize accurately for anyone so you may not be getting good info.
If it gets too tiresome it is socially acceptable to tell them to shut up. =)

That was my first thought too. If the person came off as condescending or mocking, it would do no good. Same if it seemed like they were trying to call attention to it in a crowd of people I know, making everyone aware of it.


That too. It needs to be said under calm conditions.


That said, I would very much have appreciated it if I'd had someone who could give me pointers and help me navigate through social rules I'm not aware of or don't understand.
Funny I should come across this topic today; Last night I had a dream that I had a friend (no-one I've ever known IRL or online) and she patiently explained stuff for me.

My peers have never tried to explain me social rules, and I've never asked them to explain them.

Definitely depends on the person and situation.

My husband is my social compass much of the time. I have one friend at work, and she has helped me at times as well.
However, one of my managers tries to "mother" me as if I were her socially awkward middle-schooler. I find her very condescending and annoying. I may be socially awkward and oblivious, but I do know enough to say "thank you" if someone helps me with something!

It depends how it's said. My one workmate has to tell me what to do in such situations, but he isn't really doing it in a condescending way. If someone was treating you like a moron or baby, that would be annoying.

I don't often have my peers explaining social rules to me. I know all the social rules, even if some get me wondering and thinking about, I still know why people do certain things, etc. But just because I know more or less all social rules doesn't make me a good socialiser.

I sometimes have had social performance rules explained (or rather lectured to me), by my mum. Like how to behave in the street. Not saying I am an embarrassment because I generally just act normal and so on, but sometimes I have let slip something what could make people look, like muttering and swearing about someone's toddler screaming, I didn't do it really loud but it was within earshot of people nearest to me. Thankfully I don't do that any more, but I used to when I was a teenager, and I did other little things like that too what were considered ''embarrassing''.