I'm constantly worrying about what others think of me

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Even to such an extent that it annoys my friends. They say I shouldn't be so insecure, but that doesn't help at all. In fact it makes me insecure about my insecurity. I think this is because I've been bullied a lot in my entire life I have an intense feeling of being abandoned. I'm sometimes afraid that my friends actually pretend that they like me, because they don't want to hurt my feelings, but that in fact they just think I'm a ret*d girl and want to get rid of me. Furthermore I'm most of the time the one initiating contact. When I don't talk to them for a while because I'm busy or something, I never get a text or phone call with the question of how I'm doing or if I feel like hanging out. If I send such a message, I always get a positive response, but deep down I'm afraid they just don't dare to let me down. I have no idea why... I can be pretty clingy. But I know how irrational my problem is. Is this common? I have posted this problem on another forum but I was called immature.

I don't know how common it is either, but I definitely feel this way sometimes... I'm constantly trying to evaluate where I stand with other people. I've run into similar problems where this annoys people who I know are my friends, so I mostly do this in my head nowadays.
I'm not really sure how to fix this, myself...

I long ago gave up worrying about what other people think of me. Their opinions simply do not matter. Only my opinion of myself matters.

I've run through this in my head before too. I've even talked about it with a certain friend. It's a mix really. Some of my "friends" really don't care and I've learnt to see they don't and they only pretend to so they come off looking good. I kind of put that down for everyone really. Too many people in the world are two faced etc and will only try to look good. Some do care and you see it in the way they act, things they say. I think the best thing you could do is to work on believing in yourself and having a higher opinion of yourself. It's hard but it can be achieved. Take good qualities you see in yourself and keep seeing them daily and then start to look for more. Self confidence will build you up and you'll start to notice a better relationship with people. In the end though, it's always better to love yourself for who you are than worry what others think or say about you. They really don't matter. Try to stay positive about everything and things will fall into place!!

Honestly? If they had the problem of reading body and verbal language, then they would be just as paranoid about where they stood with others. Try not to beat yourself up about it. And yes, I have that problem too.

I do this too but mostly in my head these days. I also am better at dealing with it except in romantic situations I guess. I also am better if I remind myself to do it at taking time to look at and analyze people's actions vs their words since I rely too much on what people say and ignore their non verbal cues because I misinterpret them. It was an unconscious thing until a few years ago. I know NTs just analyze body language and actions kind of automatically in the moment but I have to take time alone and look at each situation and friendship memory by memory then I have different set of criteria vs if friend has an ASD or ASD traits/quirks vs if they are an NT friend. If NT then I know if actions and words don't match ie they never initiate or reciprocate then they aren't my friend but with another Aspie or Autie if they don't initiate or always respond then it could by AS and not me and the person with AS will usually tell me out right to leave them alone. If that makes sense in all my random rambling.

I used to do this a lot. It can make you freeze-up or stay home. It definitely prevents you from being the real you. And that is a tragedy.
I can help you with this.
StabilizingAutism/unsolicited-advice
Don't go there if you don't care.

I'm paranoid about what others think of me. I'm self-conscious of every little thing.

I feel like this a lot. I worry about what some people think of me more than what others think of me. I can be myself in front of some people, where as others I know they will think I am stupid if I be myself. Some people I even feel more Aspie with, whilst others I feel I can speak up and have normal smooth conversations with without feeling shy or timid at all. It's funny how you kind of instinctively know who to be with certain people.

But there is a female bus-driver who I talk a lot to, and I am starting to think that she thinks I'm stupid, as in simple, like a village idiot type of thing. She also said that words about the passengers can spread all over the company and before long you get pointed out and all the drivers will know who you are. That has frightened me now because if she says anything about me to any of the others, then they all might think I'm an idiot or something. Two or three of the others talk to me. But again, the female one is somebody who I have to be careful of how to be with her, because she's the type to judge easily, where as the others who I speak to seem to feel more comfortable with me and like me talking to them. Well, sometimes I have got a little paranoid that they might feel fed up with me, but at least they haven't shown it at all, so it's no good me worrying over what I don't know or can't prove.

Yes, I am an Aspie who can read body language and all of that kind of stuff.

I had this problem a lot going to high school, since a lot of kids didn't like me and I stood out because of my condition.

Nowdays, its less of a problem

I used to obsess about what others thought of me and would bug other people on what people said about me.

What I figured out over time was that some of my friends would tell me some things, but not others. I had the luxury of over hearing some of them when they didn't know I was listening. So it came as a total surprise for me to realize that a "friend" would tell me one thing, but then be something else behind my back.

When dealing with friends now, I have learned NOT to ask them what others think of me and to hide things that bother me. Some people I open up more than others, but I have test them first... filter them to see how much they can handle.

I think you are probably over analysing things in your head which is making u paranoid.I think your friends do like u because why would they hang out wit u? They don't have to hang out with u. Relax.They probably like your personality
I use to b like u when I was in my teens but now that I am in my early 20s it's getting better for me

keep calm and everything will b fine

im like that too. i have a friend that never calls but she is happy when i do. I just talked to her yesterday and she told me she was really happy i called her and wanted me to call her again soon. I don't try to analyze. She didnt have to say that if she didn't care she'd probalby just say she couldn't talk. that's how i handle it. I don't have any good advice but sometimes people are just bad at Calling and texting and stuff.

you seem like a nice person and if they ever treat you badly , dump them. they are not Worth it!

one thing i can say. It gets better with time. I used to be worried about what people thought of me and I still am sometimes but not as much.
if your happyy with your Life and you are feeling ok, it usually works it's self out by it self.

I agree with the posts in this thread.

I hate it when you get the answer from other Aspies that people are only friends with you because they're being polite, otherwise nobody likes you. I have got that said to me before on here a couple of years ago, and it is quite an offensive thing to say to somebody who has AS, social phobia, anxiety issues, depression, extreme shyness and poor self-esteem.

People may disguise themselves as friends for a short amount of time, then will become bored of pretending and will make sure they drift slowly away from you, if they're nice enough to not want to hurt your feelings. But friends who phone you or like you to phone them (and doing other things normal friends do) are winning your friendship with them (and vice versa) so I'd say what the above poster said.

I've given someone my email address before, and when I gave it to her she happily took it but I never got an email from her, and it's been nearly half a year now. I have seen her a few times since, but she has never mentioned the email, so I thought if she wanted to email me that badly but maybe had some sort of difficulties sending emails to me or something, she would say. So she can't be that bothered. Therefore I decided to just keep her at arms length, because if I get too close or attached to her, I might end up getting myself rejected, which is what I fear. I'm quite good at picking up hints.

But if you feel that people give you as good as you give them in a friendship, or want a lot more out of you, then they are friends. So just leave it at that and enjoy their friendship, so don't listen to all these silly ifs, ands and buts from doubtful people. You are a good person.

I had this feeling for the last two years. It was so bad that I was often unable to even attempt to make new friends due to the severe anxiety and insecurity. Even if I did make a new friend, on many occasions, I was unable to talk to him/her, due to the insecurity and anxiety. Needless to say, I stopped trying to make friends after a while due to the high chance of it happening again. The insecurity and anxiety also meant that I was unable to do any of my hobbies without worrying what others might think of it. Like you, I knew the problem was irrational, but I had little to no control over it. I didn't know the real cause of the problem until early May. I realized that the periods I was able to socialize with little problem, I had gone without my ADHD medication. I stopped the medication and the insecurity slowly stopped and I felt like I could be myself again without worrying what others think. I have started a new hobby, photography. I have also found ways to keep any remaining anxiety and uncertainty at bay.

believe that I have had only one true friend in my life, the woman who birthed my children. Even with her I failed in the relationship.