Meltdowns around trusted people

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Ever since I went on birth control in order to regulate my menstrual cycle, my mood swings (which is something that I have always struggled with) have gotten really out of control. I have meltdowns literally every day.

For me, a meltdown is when my mood takes a very sharp dive very quickly, to the point that my family members can pinpoint the exact moment when it happens. I will be perfectly content one minute and then all of a sudden, my mind is racing and filled with only negative thoughts, and I have to start talking about and repeating these negative thoughts over and over. No amount of advice or consoling will snap me out of it. These episodes usually last about an hour at a time. And upon reflection, I'd say that I almost feel like a different person when these episodes happen - it's like going into a very dark trance.

Perhaps the thing that's even stranger about my meltdowns is the fact that they usually only occur around my most trusted person, my mom. When I wake up alone during the day, or late at night after everyone else has gone to bed, I will be perfectly content in going about my routine. But shortly after my mom gets home from work, I will have an episode. It feels like the majority of time I am around my mom, I am having these episodes. She rarely ever sees me happy anymore. What doesn't make any sense is the fact that my mom has never been cruel or abusive towards me - in fact, she has the patience of a saint, and is unfailingly kind, loving and supportive towards me. I don't understand why my meltdowns mostly occur around her.

Part of me wonders if it has to do with the timing - She almost always gets home in the middle of the afternoon, which has always been the time of day when I am most prone to meltdowns. Another part of me speculates that maybe when I am alone I am unaware of (or possibly suppress) my feelings, and when I come into contact with someone I trust, I open up like an emotional floodgate.

My questions are:

Has anyone ever experienced meltdowns like the ones I described?
Do you ever find yourself having meltdowns around people who you trust?
What do you think is causing this and how can I make it better?

I can totally relate to this. I have had meltdowns just like this and almost always around trusted people (my mum, my boyfriends, my best friends) I've been having them since I started menstruating, but they have always been worse when I'm on birth control. I literally feel like a different person. Its the reason that I can't use birth control any more. The last time was when I had the coil and I actually lost friends over it. I know NT people who have this problem, but I've always felt I was probably more extreme than other people. I don't know if I have AS, but from reading things on here its the first time I've been able to look back at things in my past and understand them. When I have these extreme emotional episodes it makes it difficult for me to be around those people after as I have no idea how to act around them. When I'm not on birth control I still have them, but I can recognise that it is starting to happen and calm myself. I can only surmise that it's the hormones. Also since having my two kids I've noticed that when I'm not on birth control it rarely happens. Hope this helps you, at times in my life I have thought I was going mad because no one else has this to the extreme I have. I honestly thing its hormonal for me, I have an app on my phone (my calendar it's called) and I track my cycle, which helps me as its always worst before my period and if I know when that is I am prepared

IMO if the birth control is giving you issues, it may not be a good idea to use it. Look I also have an irregular cycle of periods and it's not that big of a deal unless you plan to have kids soon. I rather have my sanity, than something that may or may not be truly beneficial.

My birth control actually mellows me out. Strange.

As for your mom, try e-mailing her or writing her a letter explaining you're not trying to be upset around her & she isn't doing anything wrong. Just to make sure your relationship with her isn't breaking.

Also get another appointment with your doctor & explain how your birth control is making things worse, and try a different option or quit altogether.

It probably is because you feel safer and more emotional around her that all of it just comes out at once. I sincerely hope everything works out!

Thank you all for responding.

lostinlove - I'm glad I'm not alone in dealing with this. I was beginning to feel like the only woman who had this much trouble coping with hormone-induced mood swings.

EsotericResearch - My periods aren't just irregular; they only come once every three to six months, which poses a risk for developing cancer of the reproductive organs... At least that's what my gynecologist told me. That's ultimately why I chose to go on birth control in the first place, and why I would be too afraid to go off of it now.

CheredIsTyping - I was hoping that birth control would mellow me out, but it has really turned into a nightmare. I apologize to my mom for my meltdowns every day, and she readily accepts my apologies, but I don't know how much more of this our relationship can take before she's the one who "snaps". I understand that she's only human, and her saintlike patience can only wear so thin. There have been times in the distant past where she has exploded at me, although I can count the number of times that that has happened on one hand. See my response to EsotericResearch as to why quitting birth control isn't an option for me.

I have felt so alone in dealing with this over the years, I would hate for anyone to also feel like this, if you ever feel you need to talk (type) pm me. xxx

IdahoRose, duly noted. My friend who has PCOS has that same issue. As for the hormonal mood swing thing, I take an SSRI and find that it helps a great deal in general even for things relating to sensory factors.

There seem to be a lot of different types of these birth control pills and I have heard that ones that have a heavier progestin component (something like levonorgestrel) are more problematic for individuals with mood issues than ones that are based upon drospirenone or norethindrone. May this be a valid option?

Many women have trouble with mood while on hormonal birth control.
Are you taking a combined (estrogen + progesterone) pill? If so, you may want to try a progesterone only pill (sometimes called the mini pill). Usually its the estrogen which has a greater negative effect on mood and mood stability.
If you want to stay on a combined pill make sure it's a 3rd generation pill as those have the lowest hormone doses (while maintaining efficacy).

EsotericResearch - Thank you for being so understanding. And I thank both you and frankton for your knowledge of birth control pills! I just assumed that they were all the same; however, it seems that I am given a different brand every time I pick up my prescription. The one I am currently on (the one that has given me the most meltdowns) says "inorgestimate and ethinyl estradiol tablets". What does that mean?

What you have is the generic version of Ortho Tri-Cyclen. Norgestimate is the progestin component and ethinyl estradiol in the estrogen component. That's a combined pill, second generation. They now make Tri-Cyclen Lo, a third generation lower dose pill. Unfortunately, that version is not yet available in generic form. There are other third generation pills which are available in generic form. Your doctor should know what they are.
The new generation of pills use one of three types of progesterone. I would avoid he ones which contain a form called desogestrel. Desogestrel has been linked with increased risk of blood clots.

In the US progestin only pills all contain only norethindrone. There are several generics available.

You can try either a third generation pill, which will have less estrogen and a different form of progestin than the Tri-Cyclen, or you may want to go to a progestin only "mini" pill. Sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error before you hit on a pill that works for you.

...Is birth control really that bad? I was thinking of taking it because of my PMDD (severe form of PMS) and heavy menstrual bleeding. I get breakdowns similar to IdahoRose as is about once every 1-2 months. I don't want more than that!
I used to get mild emotional breakdowns every night when I was a teenager (I'm 20 now, so this is pretty recent).

Meltdowns 'seem best' w/ people you most trust, but since those are the most complicated relationships, there's also the element of emotional convolution contributing to the meltdown. Dialectical.

Birth control 'pill' does affect mood. I had a bi-polar wife (what fun) and it was when she stopped taking them, she became wall-bouncing unhinged. Bet it goes the other way for others.

Before I started taking the pill, I would have severe PMS-like symptoms for two weeks before my period. Now, it's for maybe 4 to 5 days. Not great, but certainly better. Also, I could not stand the heavy bleeding, which would last for at least one week, if not more.

I've talked about meltdowns/shutdowns in other threads. They tend to happen if I'm tired, stressed, exposed to too much sensory input, or having to deal with too many people and/or being "talked at" too much. I will either withdraw, feel a "migraine without pain" and/or start yelling. I may hold it in until I am somewhere private, then scream and cry. I don't like losing control around anyone, trusted or not--maybe it's just a matter of stubborn pride. When I do, I feel worse afterwards than when I manage to hide it.

IdahoRose, I have heard good things about Yaz type pills, although you have to be tested for Factor V Leiden and any hypercoagulative state before using them. If you have a family of any sort of deep vein thrombosis (blood clotting) it is not a good idea to use them either. They have a tiny, tiny chance of increasing blood clotting. Do not take Yasmin, take Yaz if you are going to use something in the drospirenone family.

My NT friend also got mood issues on norgestimate, so you are not alone by any means.

List of progestins. Note that progesteronic activity, and estrogenic activity, are known to be associated with mood swings. This is because these are the hormones that increase naturally in the second half of the menstrual cycle, causing PMS in many people. From this list it looks like the best options are drospirenone and norethindrone if you want to avoid those factors.

http://contraception.about.com/od/thepi ... nTypes.htm