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HOW TO BE IN THE MOMENT

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Do you have problems being 'in the moment'?
Poll ended at 17 Aug 2013, 2:06 pm
Yes, All the time 38%  38%  [ 5 ]
Yes, Some of the time 38%  38%  [ 5 ]
No, Rarely 23%  23%  [ 3 ]
Total votes : 13

steve1971
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18 Jul 2013, 2:06 pm

So, I've already re typed my first sentence several times!! I should really learn to 'type as I think' - I'm terrible for self censorship,

I have a real problem with enjoying things as they happen. I have great memories of things I've done and anticipation for things I'm going to do but enjoying things whilst they happen? Something seems to go wrong. I'm not sure what it is or why.

A little background: Due to a late diagnosis ( in my early 40's) I have ended up in a job that doesn't fit me but since it is a family business and financially serves me well I struggle though day to day and week to week. Because of my job I have a constant level of anxiety although I have been trying to make it a better fit for my 'skill set'. I have a partner of 10 years and a relationship that has been challenging to say the least. The first 8 years I was convinced my partner suffered some kind of mental condition - being so needy and requiring constant reassurance. I understand now and have, more importantly, accepted that this is normal. I'm finding it difficult to provide my partner with what they want but we are working on it. I currently have some obsessional thoughts about dying (not suicide to be clear) and this evokes what I can only describe as a pang of anxiety - this happens about once or twice a day. I have no friends to call my own and rely on my partner to provide social contact. With social things I have never really shone, mostly it is stressful and upsetting time and serves to reinforce my own attitudes to myself as a bit inadequate. Even on a good day I wouldn't find a social situation rewarding.

Any tips on anything and especially how to get to grips with being in the moment would be appreciated. On the few occasions (by which I mean once every few years) when I have been 'in the moment' its been a bit of an epiphany but rarely lasted for long.

Steve



atdevel
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18 Jul 2013, 2:18 pm

steve1971 wrote:
So, I've already re typed my first sentence several times!! I should really learn to 'type as I think' - I'm terrible for self censorship,

I have a real problem with enjoying things as they happen. I have great memories of things I've done and anticipation for things I'm going to do but enjoying things whilst they happen? Something seems to go wrong. I'm not sure what it is or why.

A little background: Due to a late diagnosis ( in my early 40's) I have ended up in a job that doesn't fit me but since it is a family business and financially serves me well I struggle though day to day and week to week. Because of my job I have a constant level of anxiety although I have been trying to make it a better fit for my 'skill set'. I have a partner of 10 years and a relationship that has been challenging to say the least. The first 8 years I was convinced my partner suffered some kind of mental condition - being so needy and requiring constant reassurance. I understand now and have, more importantly, accepted that this is normal. I'm finding it difficult to provide my partner with what they want but we are working on it. I currently have some obsessional thoughts about dying (not suicide to be clear) and this evokes what I can only describe as a pang of anxiety - this happens about once or twice a day. I have no friends to call my own and rely on my partner to provide social contact. With social things I have never really shone, mostly it is stressful and upsetting time and serves to reinforce my own attitudes to myself as a bit inadequate. Even on a good day I wouldn't find a social situation rewarding.

Any tips on anything and especially how to get to grips with being in the moment would be appreciated. On the few occasions (by which I mean once every few years) when I have been 'in the moment' its been a bit of an epiphany but rarely lasted for long.

Steve


This is going to sound weird but you can dramatically improve bloodflow if you lie back on a hard (but not too hard) surface.



steve1971
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18 Jul 2013, 2:35 pm

I'm not sure how this would work. At the times I want to be in the moment I dont think I'll be able to lie down.

I'm talking about being in the moment for example in the following situations:

1) being on holiday looking at things that normally interest me
2) going to a concert that I've been looking forward to
3) on a walk in the mountains - appreciating my environment

I can't seem to engage or get an emotional connection of any sort. I recently went to an outdoor concert and despite sitting in the 3rd row still watched large sections on the big screens or was day dreaming!



AtticusKane
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18 Jul 2013, 3:18 pm

Everything disappoints me. Like you said, the memories are mostly happy, but if I really think hard I can remember that most of those times were definitely marked by mixed emotions. So I think it's just a matter of everything isn't what it's cracked up to be. Only through the act of cherishing past moments do we make them seem like shiny and happy memories.

In a weird way, this helps me live in the moment. I remind myself that everything happening now, may be a cherished moment later. It is hard not to feel disappointed all the time, though - I do my best to push those thoughts out of my head and replace them with "F*** it, I'm gonna have a good time anyway!"



aspiemike
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18 Jul 2013, 3:34 pm

Some ideas came to mind.

1. You are not enjoying the present moment due to an overactive brain. Instead of enjoying the moment, you tend to wander off into your own world. You then end up not paying close enough attention to what is going on around you.
2. You give in to self-defeat very easily. this can be based off whatever negative beliefs you grow up with that aren't reflective of you, but allowed them to be anyway (every possible trait of Aspergers comes to mind). You can substitute the beliefs that make you unhappy and replace them with beliefs that make you happy.



steve1971
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18 Jul 2013, 3:43 pm

Weird, that's exacting what I do - even if i'm cant enjoy something now I can comfort myself by thinking that the memories will be better!!

My motto for life used to be 'hope for the best, expect the worse and take what comes' - wow that seems sad now! I used to think it was great as I never be disappointed.

I want to enthuse, appreciate, get excited, go wild with joy - but no - its plain mediocre, flat, lifeless, unemotional.

I live in the past but I want to be alive in the now!



steve1971
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18 Jul 2013, 3:43 pm

Weird, that's exacting what I do - even if i'm cant enjoy something now I can comfort myself by thinking that the memories will be better!!

My motto for life used to be 'hope for the best, expect the worse and take what comes' - wow that seems sad now! I used to think it was great as I never be disappointed.

I want to enthuse, appreciate, get excited, go wild with joy - but no - its plain mediocre, flat, lifeless, unemotional.

I live in the past but I want to be alive in the now!



steve1971
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18 Jul 2013, 3:54 pm

aspiemike wrote:
Some ideas came to mind.

1. You are not enjoying the present moment due to an overactive brain. Instead of enjoying the moment, you tend to wander off into your own world. You then end up not paying close enough attention to what is going on around you.
2. You give in to self-defeat very easily. this can be based off whatever negative beliefs you grow up with that aren't reflective of you, but allowed them to be anyway (every possible trait of Aspergers comes to mind). You can substitute the beliefs that make you unhappy and replace them with beliefs that make you happy.


I can recognise that there is a lot going on in my head all the time, thoughts jumping from one thing to another and my thoughts seem to have a voice in my head a lot of the time - I think I also seem to be overly checking how I feel emotionally - all of this means I miss a lot of what goes on around me.

Yeah, probably give up to easily - but that comes from years of experience and reinforcement that some things I just can't do. I think there is some element of acceptance needed that I have limitations - before I new I had Aspergers I thought it was my fault.



aspiemike
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18 Jul 2013, 4:01 pm

steve1971 wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
Some ideas came to mind.

1. You are not enjoying the present moment due to an overactive brain. Instead of enjoying the moment, you tend to wander off into your own world. You then end up not paying close enough attention to what is going on around you.
2. You give in to self-defeat very easily. this can be based off whatever negative beliefs you grow up with that aren't reflective of you, but allowed them to be anyway (every possible trait of Aspergers comes to mind). You can substitute the beliefs that make you unhappy and replace them with beliefs that make you happy.


I can recognise that there is a lot going on in my head all the time, thoughts jumping from one thing to another and my thoughts seem to have a voice in my head a lot of the time - I think I also seem to be overly checking how I feel emotionally - all of this means I miss a lot of what goes on around me.

Yeah, probably give up to easily - but that comes from years of experience and reinforcement that some things I just can't do. I think there is some element of acceptance needed that I have limitations - before I new I had Aspergers I thought it was my fault.


Aspergers shouldn't make you feel limited. If anything, its knowing what parts of you are Aspergers and what else makes you unique.



Janissy
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18 Jul 2013, 6:14 pm

steve1971 wrote:
Any tips on anything and especially how to get to grips with being in the moment would be appreciated. On the few occasions (by which I mean once every few years) when I have been 'in the moment' its been a bit of an epiphany but rarely lasted for long.



I have had this challenge all my life. The "in the moment" epiphanies are so wonderful you want them to last but they don't. Some people come by this naturally, but some people really struggle. For those of us who struggle with it, mindfulness meditation was invented (centuries if not millenia ago). I have found it very helpful.

http://www.the-guided-meditation-site.c ... cises.html

Quote:
Mindfulness is awareness of the present moment. It’s living here and now. Through mindfulness, you are freed from becoming entangled in thoughts of your past, and you are freed from worrying about the future.

In the here and now, everything just is...and there is great peace in that.

But how to stay in touch with this moment, especially when your mind keeps running away from you like it so often does? If mindfulness is a new idea to you, then it might seem a little daunting to try and keep your attention fixed in the present moment.

These mindfulness techniques are an important part of learning how to practice mindfulness.


For people who don't come by it naturally (me, and you, clearly) this is difficult and takes a lot of practice. But with practice comes accomplishment. Follow the techniques listed here- or simply google 'mindfulness meditation' for a plethora of links- and those 'in the moment' epiphanies will happen more frequently and last longer.