How common is it for people with ASD's to be aromantic?

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Schizpergers
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24 Jul 2013, 6:26 pm

I do not understand romance. It seems to be just nonsense to me. I think our society is brainwashed to obsess over love.
I have had a girl friend twice before, both times she went for me. First one was 6 months and then I moved and the second time we were together for 4 years until she broke up with me. She said she felt like we were just friends who had sex. I honestly do not understand the difference. I do have a sex drive but feel unable to comprehend romantic love.



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24 Jul 2013, 6:37 pm

i think this is common. i have always felt it's like a game people play. i don't believe in it beyond some infatuation which goes away



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24 Jul 2013, 6:52 pm

I don't think there have been any studies to say how many of us are like that, but likely most of us.
If it's not logical, doesn't make sense, and is superficial, contrived or somehow artificial, most of us would not be interested.
Of course there's also that little clincher of women tending to be subtle when they like me, so that's always gone over my head. Many women I could have dated I didn't because they were not direct, I didn't know they were interested, or I just didn't understand the subtle signals.
One time I even had a female friend write a little poem to me - wine me dine me 69 me, and I still didn't get it.
Nowadays if that happened, and if I was single, and interested I wouldn't need any further prompts, but subtlety AND overly direct signals are quite problematic.

Thankfully my wife is practical and logical, and though not an ASD, she has enough character traits that we understand each other.
I think that's the key, if you aren't asexual, you don't have to be romantic, but you will have a better time with others like yourself, whether ASD or not.
Those of us who are not romantically inclined can only really connect with people that make the effort to understand us; usually that's not people who are living in fantasy land romantics.



savvyidentity
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24 Jul 2013, 8:08 pm

I've been romantic with women I like before but others not so much because I think it requires a bond of sorts and a woman who likes that. Which not all of them do.



JBO
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24 Jul 2013, 8:12 pm

Schizpergers wrote:
She said she felt like we were just friends who had sex. I honestly do not understand the difference. I do have a sex drive but feel unable to comprehend romantic love.


This is exactly how I picture being in a relationship :P



auntblabby
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24 Jul 2013, 8:29 pm

ever since I could remember, all I've wanted was a romance.



Keni
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24 Jul 2013, 8:39 pm

I was completely baffled by this thread - I read it as aromatic :oops:



savvyidentity
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24 Jul 2013, 8:40 pm

Schizpergers wrote:
I do have a sex drive but feel unable to comprehend romantic love.


I think romantic love is too stereotyped generally.. anything can be romantic if it's a bonding experience. Being somewhere nice together, doing something nice together, appreciating the same music together, even all the normal things. It's all a bonding experience yet I think some would deny that those things are romantic in their own way.



auntblabby
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24 Jul 2013, 8:41 pm

Keni wrote:
I was completely baffled by this thread - I read it as aromatic :oops:

romantic things can be aromatic.



btbnnyr
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24 Jul 2013, 9:21 pm

I like firefighters. Does that count as being romantic?


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Spam_Blaster
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24 Jul 2013, 9:35 pm

My girlfriend of 3 years says I should be more romantic. Not the easiest thing, what with classes and work, not to mention our tight budget. Plus, I'm the type who likes a pleasant night in as much as dinner at a sit-down place and a movie after.
I think part of the problem is different ways of communicating affection. For me, just being with someone and talking to them indicates a huge amount of trust and friendship on my part, and I don't give those out lightly. Next to that, typical romantic gestures either seem like unnecessary overkill, or they just don't feel appropriate. My thought process is, "As introverted as I am, I'm willing to spend hours on end with you and tell you all of my secrets. What more indication of my love do you need?"
I'm not sure if any of that made sense, but that's my take.



1401b
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24 Jul 2013, 9:48 pm

How common is it for people with ASD's to be aromantic?

I'd say about 50%/50%
Women will be, guys nope.


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seaturtleisland
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24 Jul 2013, 9:49 pm

I think I'm actually homoromantic. I'm not sure what my feelings are though. There are some people who I can't stop thinking about but why? Is it love, infatuation, or worship? They might not be romantic feelings at all but they're the closest thing I've had to a crush. I'm not sexually attracted at all so I just become attached to people. At the moment I would guess that I'm asexual and homoromantic. I'm not aromantic.



Spam_Blaster
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24 Jul 2013, 9:57 pm

seaturtleisland wrote:
I think I'm actually homoromantic. I'm not sure what my feelings are though. There are some people who I can't stop thinking about but why? Is it love, infatuation, or worship? They might not be romantic feelings at all but they're the closest thing I've had to a crush. I'm not sexually attracted at all so I just become attached to people. At the moment I would guess that I'm asexual and homoromantic. I'm not aromantic.


That sounds like a pretty good assessment, to me at least. Romantic love and lust are not necessarily inextricably linked; it's possible to have one without the other. As for the people you can't stop thinking about, I'm not sure. My understanding is that infatuation is when you meet a person and they catch your interest, and you want to learn more about them, whereas love comes once you learn more about a person and like what you see, and want to spend more and more time with them. At least, that's my assessment.



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24 Jul 2013, 11:52 pm

I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic, whether that's just from fear of the unknown experience of being in a relationship or if I'm actually not interested in being romantically involved with someone, it's hard to know. I think it's both. The closest I ever got to being in a relationship was in eleventh grade; the boy who sat next to me in biology took a fancy to me. It lasted two weeks, we went on two "dates" one to a movie where my friend came along, another to the zoo for a school project, he held my hand under the lab table and kissed me on the head, that was as far as it ever went before it just sort of stopped. He found a new girl and "left" me without saying anything, and I didn't really notice that I'd been left. I think romance is just way more trouble than it's worth.


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Noetic
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25 Jul 2013, 12:03 am

I thought that said "aromatic"! :lol: