Busted in public talking to oneself - how embarrassing

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Ok so I need to do this thing where I unwind and mentally process what I am doing both specifically task or project related and generally with my life etc. Its an important part of my executive planning to keep me on task and review where I am up to with things periodically. It is like defragging a computer - I spend the time mentally processing everything done recently and then putting these files in their correct place in my head.
So I have to process it out loud, I need to talk for it to make sense. For this I need solitude home alone, or go out for night walk otherwise I do it in the car. People probably think I am just talking on the handsfree phone when I am in the car.
I was out talking to myself last night during a night walk and embarrassingly I realised suddenly that someone was walking near me and would have definitely heard the last few minutes of what I was saying.
I almost died on the spot, I wanted the ground to swallow me up, I quickly whistled to the dog and turned around and walked the other way.
I guess it is hard cause this talking thing is something I cannot not do - I simply must do it and when am in a situation when I have trouble doing it such as on holidays with lots of people and no solitude I have to escape no matter what to get my solitude to talk to myself.
I see it as a stim that has to be fulfilled or I will explode. So really considering that I cant help It I shouldn't be embarrassed.
I am trying to change the things I can and accept the things I cant - it is very hard to accept the embarrassment I felt last night.
I just hate the way that I have to hide away to be myself and am so embarrassed when someone actually sees me for what I really am.

I talk to myself all the time no matter where I am. I have to because if I don't get it out it just build up because I can't think inside my head. I don't even notice if people are looking at me.

Who doesn't?

Yes, probably most people do it at some time or other. I don't think anybody really cares.

Yeah I know most people do it occasionally, I am compelled to do it all the time whenever possible.
I guess the embarrassment stems from the fact that I am often practising what to say or processing what happens. Its not so embarrassing the fact that I was caught it is more that they may have heard the content of what I was saying. When I talk to myself the content is highly personal and I feel vulnerable sharing that stuff with anyone. I feel like such a ret*d needing to do this stuff compulsively being caught just makes me unable to hide my disability. BTW I am very good at hiding it and have got away with it for my whole life people just think I am a bit weird especially my family and close friends. It feels life living a double life I wish I could be more comfortable just being me.

I think people just laugh a bit when they catch someone doing that and then just forget it... it's nothing to be too embarrassed about.

I was out biking today and chatting with myself animatedly, some little kid on a bike himself saw me and got a bit scared.

I do it all the time and have been caught before.

I always thought that the way to get by with it would be to have a cellphone to your ear with nobody on the other end or to have a handless headset.

Thanks everyone its good to not feel like the only one. Also we tend to think our embarrassing things are worse than others would think generally. I rarely get caught doing it but when I do wow it is intense awkwardness to the maximum.

Could have been worse. At least you weren't eating boogers.

Yeah true although I never do that so its not something I need to worry about. Lol

I do this too I call it thinking out loud.

I still keep playing it over and over in my mind and cringing at the thought.
I was extremely animated at the time.

Honestly, if you don't know the person you have nothing to worry about, because most of the time you'll never see them again. I've gotten used to utter embarrasment in public. Eventually it's not embarrasing anymore, and people just note your animation and eccentricity, chuckle about it, and forget. It makes it a lot easier to be yourself wherever. Also, just because someone saw you doesn't mean you have to feel shame. You are your own judge. It's not shameful to express yourself when you think your alone, and unless what you think you do is shameful BEFORE someone saw you, then it's not shameful. People can deal with it, because you did nothing wrong.

all us good folk who talk to ourselves should stand up and be counted!

The person probably envied you for having a hands free miniature mobile phone