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vk2goh
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 4 Dec 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
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10 Aug 2013, 12:55 am

Does anyone else besides myself have a serious issue with this ?

When I was 15, I found myself picking on people who were lower on the social ladder than I was to make myself feel accepted. However, a year or so later, I realised what I did was wrong and I started to please everyone around me just to make friends.

Now, when it comes to dealing with people who are trying to rip me off or take advantage of me, I honestly admit I struggle with making them feel happy as opposed to looking out for myself.

I was just wondering if anyone else has this same issue as me, and how have you coped with it ?



benh72
Deinonychus
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Age: 52
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10 Aug 2013, 6:27 am

Still struggle with it from time to time.
I just learn to accept that some people want to take advantage of others, including me, and when I encounter them, I try to stay away from them; including my family!

On the other hand, you have to do your best to try to treat people how you would like to be treated, which sometimes means taking a chance that they will take advantage of you.
If they do, they just don't get a second chance.
Someone who was willing to take advantage of you early on will only continue to do it, if they were good they would not have done so early one, or would have shown better behaviour first off, with the advantage taking just being a slip up.

Unfortunately, it's only with experience that you learn how to accept and treat others, and not every experience is transferable to other people.
They say wisdom comes with age, I'd say that's true to a point, but also that you need to use your experience as a template for what to expect in future interactions with others.

Some people are just not nice, and the only thing you can do is stay away from them, but it's not always obvious at first glance.
Some people are genuinely nice and well meaning, and they are the ones you want to cultivate friendships with.
Most people just fall somewhere in the middle, not nice but not nasty, just somewhat average.
Once you get the hang of that, and accept that is the reality, things start to make more sense.

I had to live for more than 40 years to figure that out, so don't take my hard learned experience for granted!



Summer_Twilight
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Joined: 13 Sep 2011
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10 Aug 2013, 8:34 am

Yes and I am working on not being a people pleaser. Before someone would seem to get mad at me because I happen to do something or say something that they did not like. Then I would sit on the sides and be too hard on myself.

Now if someone tries to condescend on me about doing or saying something wrong, I simply let them know that it was not their flaw and that they need to take care of their own problems and leave me alone.



neobluex
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Joined: 31 May 2013
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Location: Argentina

10 Aug 2013, 12:45 pm

I have to learn to say "no". For me, that word can transform an aqcuaintance in a potential enemy.



Summer_Twilight
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10 Aug 2013, 3:41 pm

About 2 years ago, I had managed to re-connect with someone who just was not interested in me in though she tried to convince otherwise. It was during the entire time that I had her on that I just felt miserable and uncomfortable. Anyway, I talked to a family member who was worried that were going to just keep fighting and so she talked me into telling that we were just not a good fit.

So I did such and she got took it pretty hard that I was deserting her and managed to blow up at me about it the next time I tried to say hi to her. It was, "You pushed me away when I was going through a rough time."

So yes there are people who you just love to please because we care about them but if they have a fit everytime we do something that they don't like then it's time to say no.