very shy around girls
i met this girl at a retreat centre a month ago i think she likes me cos every status i put on fb she likes and she added me she was in my small group on the trip but we were awkward around each other and didnt talk much . how would i go about talking to her ? . i find it hard to talk to girls can only do so when drunk find it hard to make conversation other than how was your weekend etc and always has awkward silences
advice ??
hartzofspace
Supporting Member

Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
Perhaps if you would ask what are called open ended questions, and let her do most of the talking? Most people appreciate you letting them talk about themselves (unless they are shy as well). For example, you could say "Have you seen any good movies lately? If she says yes, you could then ask what she liked about it and what she didn't like. This could lead to a conversation. Good luck!
_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner
Maybe FB is just the tool you need.
When I was 15, I got my first job in a career I stayed in for 30 years - one of the benefits of this job was that I had people calling me on the phone all the time, asking me to do them favors. It turned out to be a great way for me to meet girls, because I could talk to them for long periods of time, without having to make awkward eye contact, or feel I was being stared at, or worrying that I looked weird for stimming all the time. It was like two brains talking to each other in the dark, with no faces or body image involved. By the time I finally got around to meeting them face-to-face, I already knew them a little bit, which took some of the edge off the anxiety and allowed me to think a little more clearly.
I don't recommend online or texting as a way to maintain a relationship, but it might be an easier way to start one. Its much easier to compose your thoughts when you have a few seconds or even minutes to reread someone's last remark and formulate a reply, before you have to respond.
When I was 15, I got my first job in a career I stayed in for 30 years - one of the benefits of this job was that I had people calling me on the phone all the time, asking me to do them favors. It turned out to be a great way for me to meet girls, because I could talk to them for long periods of time, without having to make awkward eye contact, or feel I was being stared at, or worrying that I looked weird for stimming all the time. It was like two brains talking to each other in the dark, with no faces or body image involved. By the time I finally got around to meeting them face-to-face, I already knew them a little bit, which took some of the edge off the anxiety and allowed me to think a little more clearly.
I don't recommend online or texting as a way to maintain a relationship, but it might be an easier way to start one. Its much easier to compose your thoughts when you have a few seconds or even minutes to reread someone's last remark and formulate a reply, before you have to respond.
Totally.
All my successful relationships have included some emails, letters, and phone calls, where I was able to discuss things without the distraction of visual stimulus, the focus on eye contact, or other distractions.
Certainly the opportunity to read what you want to say, edit it, and re-read before clicking send, or printing or even writing out a script (though it seems contrived in a way) prior to making a phone call, are all devices that can reduce anxiety, and help you overcome any communication obstacles.
You'll still need to communicate face to face from time to time, but you can build a rapport in your non verbal or non face to face contact that can carry on to your physical presence when you are more comfortable.
BTW - I met my wife online, and we still email and text daily, even after being together 9 years - any form of communication is better than leaving things unsaid.
And yes, my wife and I do live together, and sleep in the same bed, I just find the overwhelming need to communicate what I think when I think it, and modern technology helps bridge any communication gaps.
hartzofspace
Supporting Member

Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
When I was 15, I got my first job in a career I stayed in for 30 years - one of the benefits of this job was that I had people calling me on the phone all the time, asking me to do them favors. It turned out to be a great way for me to meet girls, because I could talk to them for long periods of time, without having to make awkward eye contact, or feel I was being stared at, or worrying that I looked weird for stimming all the time. It was like two brains talking to each other in the dark, with no faces or body image involved. By the time I finally got around to meeting them face-to-face, I already knew them a little bit, which took some of the edge off the anxiety and allowed me to think a little more clearly.
I don't recommend online or texting as a way to maintain a relationship, but it might be an easier way to start one. Its much easier to compose your thoughts when you have a few seconds or even minutes to reread someone's last remark and formulate a reply, before you have to respond.
And yes, my wife and I do live together, and sleep in the same bed, I just find the overwhelming need to communicate what I think when I think it, and modern technology helps bridge any communication gaps.
My husband and I communicate this way, too even though we share a house and a bed. Our courtship was mostly conducted via email and telephone conversations.
_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner
hartzofspace
Supporting Member

Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled
Also, if the conversation about the weekend goes well, you could ask a simple question or two, such as what kind of music does she like, or what's her favorite food. These could be great topics of conversation.
_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner