Greetings from a mom of a son with Asperger's

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Hi everyone...I found this site, and it looks like it could be an excellent resource for not only myself, as a mother of a 10 year old boy with Asperger's, but also for him. I was very excited to find this site!

My name is Amie, I am 30 years old, married, and have two children. My 10 year old son was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was in first grade, at age 6. He also has been diagnosed with ADHD, dysgraphia, uneven cognitive development, and Oppositional Defiant disorder. I also have a six year old daughter who was very recently diagnosed as ADHD.

Being a mother of a child with Asperger's, as many of you may know, can be rough. Lately, he's had several difficulties in school. He is VERY smart, yes...but he doesn't know how to use his intelligence. He also is, of course, lacking in the social skills. He is a very complex boy, and can sometimes be a day-to-day battle. Okay...it ALWAYS is a day-to-day battle. Sometimes we feel like we are maintaining, sometimes we feel that we are gaining, but we also have times that we feel that we are dropping backwards. Just last week, I was starting to feel that he was gaining socially. Next thing I know, I get a call from his teachers, telling me that he's had a meltdown and I need to come to school.

He has grown though...he's picked up activities that he enjoys, such as orchestra. He started the violin this year, and that has gone very well for him. He is also in Cub Scouts; sometimes this can be a good thing, and sometimes not so good. He is not into sports or physical activities at all. He likes to read (huge, thick books don't last him long) and he is very into technology and science. He loves being online, but I have to constantly monitor him. One time he posted on a message board without my knowing it and he ended up in an argument with someone because he took what people said to him too literally and reacted and blew up and started posting things he should not have.

I would very much like to meet other parents that are here, so that I could know I am not alone, and to maybe be able to talk to and discuss our kids with. I would also love to be able to let my son develop some friendships with other kids that are like him, so he knows he is not alone. And friends are something that he doesn't have a lot of at all, so he could definitely use some!

I think I'll go snoop around the boards now...see what all is out there!

Hi Ablyle! Welcome to WP. I'm an adult with AS and PDD but there are several parents on here. I'm wondering if you have tried to find a local support group also? I think that really helps to have real live people that you can relate to instead of just online. There are a number of support groups for parents all over the country.

I would love to find an Asperger's support group...but unfortunately, I live in a small rural community where resources like that are few and far between. That is why I have resorted to an Online community. It's not like a "last ditch effort"...it's more of a hope that I can find some support.

My son goes to a small school, K-4th, and he is in fourth. That means next year is middle school, which is 5th-8th. The thought of him going to middle school literally scares the poo outta me. He is NOT ready, and I do not know what to do to help him become ready! He is, unfortunately, a target of bullying, and that doesn't help at all.

Because of confidentiality, I do not know "who has what" in my son's school. I do know that there are two other children for sure that are autistic, and I know that only because I know the children. I am not one to pry into others' information and family life, so the thought of approaching the parents of these children is something I cannot work up the courage to do. I will say that my son's school has been very good to him, and to us, since he has been enrolled there. In return, I have tried to work with them in every way possible.

ablyle, welcome to this forum!

I also have a ten year old, diagnosed at almost five with PDD-NOS. I also have a 20 year old undiagnosed son who would probably be diagnosed with very mild Aspergers.

I've really enjoyed this forum because it gives me the perspective of how my sons must feel about life in general. I've really enjoyed the section "Parent's Discussion", especially the first two stickies that have (if I remember them correctly) "What it's like to be an Aspie child" and "What's it like to be the Parent of an Aspie". Both of those have REALLY helped me understand things I h ave never been able to understand through any other source.

My ten year old sounds different from your son in some ways, in that he is not inclined to read a lot. He does like computer games and Dance Dance Revolution on the Playstation 2, and we have found things like church and Cub Scouts to be very helpful. He loves science and music.

Looking forward to reading your posts! Welcome!

Kris

Amie, you sound like a good mother to your son. He is lucky to have you. Please try not to be so scared about your son going to Middle School. Most all of us weren't ready to navigate through school and many of us, myself included, are not even ready to navigate through the real world. That being said, however, we are the ones who are trying to do just that because only we can do it for ourselves. Parents cannot live our lives for us. I am sure you are there for your son when he needs you and are supportive of him. That is more than good enough.

Thank you so very much, Frannie...your post was what I really needed to read.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Hi amie,

Welcome i only joined a few days ago but this site has helped answer a lot of questions. I have an 8 year old son with aspergers also. I know how difficult it is i have no life outside of work and home he does'nt want to go outside the home. I also live a small rural area in nfld. and i have no other parent to talk to it is frustrating i feel i am going this alone. I wish i had a support group to go to but as far as i know my son is the only one in this area diagnosed with aspergers so i rely on books and the internet. i am so glad i found this site, the administrator must be a genius. lol.
Anyway ask me anything i will do my best to help you. I know what you are going through it is no walk in the park.

Diana

To Ablyle and DaisyDiana and any other parents... you might be surprised where there are Aspergers and Autism groups. I live in a rural town and we have a nationally funded group made up of adults with AS, parents and kids. I happen to know there are "secret" groups all over the country. Just about every state now has at least one group and most state's have yearly autism conferences so you can meet with others in your situation whether you are the autistic one or the parent of one. If you want to PM me privately with your location I will see if I can find group listings for your state. One guy told me there was no groups in his state and I found 6 for him. These groups just aren't highly publicized yet, partly due to funding.

DaisyDiana it may seem like your child is the only autistic one in town. But unless your town only has 166 children then guaranteed he is not the only one. The current thought is 1 in every 166 children has autism in some form. You are not alone so try to have some consolation in that.

Meanwhile check out the parents forum for anyone close to you. Even if you don't have an official group in your town there's nothing to stop you from getting to know other parents. Maybe some live close enough you could met for a family picnic or heck even snow play this time of year. That way the parents make friends that understand their situation and the kids have an opportunity to meet someone else who is autistic.

Hey ticker,
I honestly think there may be a few that might have some form of autism but there parents are in denial, and say oh thats just kids thats how they are suppossed to act, dont you hate it when people say that, drives me nuts. I ahve a 15 year old girl and i know for certain that my son is different than she is. God i mean we are not stupid Heh? Some of these people who say that are only around him for a small amount of time. I deal with him all day long 7 days a week, so i think i should something is wrong. (Right?)Oh by the way i l know there are support groups but the nearest to me is 8 hours away in St. John,s Nfld. Just not geographically possible to get to them. But i have talked to parents here and that helps so thanks to all you parents on this forum you guys are great.

I know at the beginning, when my son was diagnosed, I was in denial. I also remember the day I snapped out of it. My son was diagnosed in April of 2004. We were gone for a couple days during the process because we had to travel a ways. My exhusband was at the evaluation, and the whole time we were there, I felt he had the upper hand and I could not get a word in. I felt he was trying to convince the doctors that John had this disorder. Once I separated myself from that and listened to the professionals instead of the wanna-be professional, I saw that I was in denial.

A few days after we had returned, and John was back in school, the school knew what all had gone on, we had already set up the first meeting to write the 504 plan, and I was back to work....and stressed. And upset. And not willing to accept it.

Then the flowers were delivered to me at work...with a card, saying "thinking of you, we're here for you and John", from my son's first grade teacher (who is now my daughter's first grade teacher this year) and my kids' principal. That got me out of denial and into acceptance.

Welcome Amie!

I am a 35 yr old mother of a 6 yr. old son with Aspergers! It's great to have another parent on board!

i am a 35 yr old mom with a five year old autistic,adhd,odd son. and if where u live is anything like here its impossible to find a parent support group local so this is a great website... i luv the fact that u can get both perspectives... that is the most important thing is finding out how to help by finding how he thinks which hopefully will come easier w age at this point thru each "fit" i remind myself that he is twice as miserable and confused as i am and then when that logic wears off i remind myself that there is always (eventually) a bedtime...

Rae Rae

Dont you just love when bedtime comes, peace and quiet for a little while, but most of the time you are so worn out by that time that all you want to do is sleep as well. I love to watch him sleep he is so peaceful and still, i kiss him and whisper to him how much i love him and how i know it is not his fault, He looks so helpless.Then i say good night.He brings so much joy in to my life and even though it is hard to deal with at times i would not change him, he is Aaron and thats all i know.He has a great sense of humour, he makes me laugh and sometimes he makes me cry. But at the end of the day i thank God for him and say to myself it could be worse.