NT wife on a steep learning curve - I want to get this right

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Ok, I've read the books, changed a great deal about the way I respond to him. One minute it looks as though we're making progress, the next he's in the doldrums again. What more can I do to help him feel safe?

Stay curious, see about developing fixations of your own. I know of no better way to relate to anyone than to adopt their characteristics.

Love him the way he is.

Because nothing you can do is going to "fix" him. He won't become normal if you do everything right, and he won't stop being anxious and stressed-out and probably depressed either. This is good advice with ANY partner, but maybe doubly so with an AS partner: You've got who you've got. If you'd wanted something else, why'd you marry this one?"

Find things YOU enjoy doing, whether with him or without him. Go out with the girls, read a book, take up gardening, whatever.

The expection to the rule is basic consideration. If he doesn't show you basic consideration (letting you do what's important to you, listening to your point of view even if he can't see it, helping somewhat with housekeeping and work IF DIRECTLY TOLD WHAT TO DO), that's not AS. That's AS-SHOLE.

Hi
I am NT and my BF is AS. We have our clashes but we communicate very well and that is a huge plus!
We sort put any problems as soon as it crops up. In the same way we read up and learn how to understand the AS way of thinking, they also need to do some research too. We learn off each other. AS is not something to be ""cured" or ""fixed"", it is part of the person and i LOVE my AS quirks! Yes we do struggle here and there but as with all relationships it takes effort on both sides. Even when getting imformtion on AS we have to remember just like us NT there are no set molds/rules for any person.......
PS. I do have AS traits so i think this helps me alot too! I'm kind of on the fence with NT/AS so can see /understand both sides, Being different is a to be embraced and valued

Hi
I am NT and my BF is AS. We have our clashes but we communicate very well and that is a huge plus!
We sort put any problems as soon as it crops up. In the same way we read up and learn how to understand the AS way of thinking, they also need to do some research too. We learn off each other. AS is not something to be ""cured" or ""fixed"", it is part of the person and i LOVE my AS quirks! Yes we do struggle here and there but as with all relationships it takes effort on both sides. Even when getting imformtion on AS we have to remember just like us NT there are no set molds/rules for any person.......
PS. I do have AS traits so i think this helps me alot too! I'm kind of on the fence with NT/AS so can see /understand both sides, Being different is a to be embraced and valued

Hi, speaking as someone who is self-diagnosed, I am looking forward to my next relationship, because I now know I need a fair amount of alone time, and it's no reflection on her.

That's great, but is he doing anything to better understand where you are coming from? Or, just as importantly, to understand himself? It's a two-way street.



To be honest, I'm not sure I fully understand what you mean by this, but I'm guessing that empowering him a bit would be helpful. Communicating in concrete terms, setting clear expectations, letting him know when he does something right and what you appreciate about him, etc. It may be, especially if he is newly-diagnosed, that he's feeling inadequate or living in fear of screwing things up and making him feel he has the tools to have a successful relationship would go a long way towards helping with that.