I feel ready to meet people and get out again, but how?

Post Reply New Topic

More precisely, where?
After high school, where do you met people? I assume college would be one, but I don't really have the means to do it, and I don't want to get any loans at this point. People also met at work, and I'm actively looking, but I really can't find anything that I feel like won't cause me to go freaking insane. This isn't really about that though, it's the fact that I want to try to find friends again. Are there just none out there? Do they all meet in high school and college and just give up on making more? Besides in clubs and stuff? *shudders* I'm not desperate enough to go to a club.

I really want to meet people IRL, as online interaction doesn't really do the trick for me. I just want somebody to go out with without the anxiety that my BF has, really. I have enough trouble going out, and to worry about him and his stuff makes it hard to go out without it being miserable. I need somebody to go out and eat and have fun just window shopping and giggling and what my old "best" friend and I used to do before she decided to avoid me :/ And yes I've tried to make that friendship work, as it was the closest thing I had to a great friendship, but now she's unstable I think and not responding much in the past few years. The rest of my "friends" are still friends with each other, but not me. Apparently I overestimated my value to them? How am I still hurt about it, it's been like 4 years :/

Anyway, it's not about that either, it's about moving on and making new friends. I know you guys struggle with this too, do you guys have any tips or just kind words for me?

I'm confused. You're trying to meet people but you already have a boyfriend?

I do have a boyfriend, but I want to have friends that are girls. Plus my boyfriend has a lot of anxiety issues, which makes it hard to go out, I really need to have somebody in my life that encourages me to get out of my shell a bit instead of the other way around.

2 main ones, as you know, are work and school.
After those there are:
Volunteering
Tutoring
Gym classes/activities
See if your city or near by one has activities to do with other people.
church/religious setting (don't care if you are religious or not, just giving a way you could meet people)
Maybe Okcupid, but look at the friend percentage (dunno how well that would work)

You could just hang out on campus of a near by college. Check to see if a professor or college is okay with you just sitting in on a class for a few classes.
Try to join in on activities or stuff that way. Some of the activies could cost some money.

Don't have the means for college-if you have a some money that you can put aside you could try CLEP tests, those are pretty simple computer tests to study for very cheap credit compared to most colleges. But would still need a job to be able to pay for them.

Basically without a job you probably are limited to volunteering as the most viable option.

Hey ebec11! I'm in a similar situation. I've obsessively studied and practiced social skills for the past 10 years, and have been making new friends.

My advice:

1. Start with small, easy baby steps. Making quality friends is not a sprint but a marathon. You can find relief knowing that it's normal to not have close friends immediately. Good friendships take time to cultivate.
2. Find people who share your interests. You can find these people on meetup.com and other local clubs. You can also go to venues that cater to your specific interest, e.g. if you like reading, hang out at book stores.
3. Be someone who provides value (and I'm not talking about money) to everyone. This is the key to attracting people to you!
4. Be proactive. Even NTs are shy and will often not take the first step!
5. Once you have friends in your life, and you're being proactive, that means you're coordinating social events. Invite people you meet to these social events!
6. Introduce people from different social circles to each other. This is part of providing value, but this specific value-giving makes you a networker.
7. Learn how to be warm and connect with people quickly. This means learning how to be genuinely caring and interested in other people's lives.
8. Abandon the concept of social hierarchy. Treat everyone equally and like a good friend. Yes, many people play the social status game, but the most socially intelligent people function beyond this.