Social Interaction is like playing tennis

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Today I met up with 3 "friends". We went to a bar, and each had a soft/fizzy drink.
Soon, it became like I was watching a game of tennis, but instead of a ball it was things that were said, and the replies. It was fast moving.
I noticed that when someone said something that had happened to them & I spoke a solution, that what I said was ignored. Whereas, when one of the other 3 said a sympathetic remark the "ball" went back to the person, and they replied with a "thanks" or something.
Most of the time I remained silent, just trying to keep up with where the "ball" was. Looking at each person as they spoke. It was just like watching tennis.
I found it very very hard to know when I should speak, and what I should say.

The topic went onto football/soccer, and I know nothing about that. I am not at all interested in that subject as to me the team that someone supports is subjective & subjectivity is irrelevant. To me there is only objectivity. No personal favouritism. Either something is, or something isn't.
So when they started talking about what football team they supported I just observed & watched the "tennis ball get knocked back & forth".

This evening I did think to myself that maybe if I learnt about the various football/soccer teams that it may assist me in social interaction with other guys. After all, in my experience soccer & football is what most guys talk about. The only issue being that the way I see things is that a persons prefference for a particular football/soccer club is no different than someones prefference for thier religion. Maybe, soccer & football reduce religious conflict. I don't know.

In the social interaction no-one "latched onto" anything I said in regard to hard & fast facts. The "tennis game" all revolved around subjectivity. One persons opinion against another, rather than facts. I found that very hard, and as such I spent 90% of the time just watching "the tennis ball go back & forth".

I'm surprised you even stuck around to watch the "tennis" match. I would've left already.

I agree. Your friends are being unkind and should be making more of an effort to include you in the conversation.

I've found that it is easier to find new people who share your interests than it is to make friends with people who want nothing to do with you. For example, my freshman year of college, I tried very hard to make friends with people in my dorm. I always went to meals with them, I watched their sitcoms with them, and generally tried to be friendly. It did not work. At meals, no one seemed to want to respond to what I said. There would be a silence, and then other people would get back to what they were saying. Also, our JA would always go around to people's rooms to let them know that the group was leaving for dinner, yet he always somehow managed to skip my room. I was miserable the entire first semester. Then, second semester, I missed the group leaving because once again I hadn't been told they were heading out, and on my way out, a guy from another part of the dorm that I had spoken to once or twice invited me to dinner with his group of friends. It was the most amazing meal of my life. These people actually LISTENED to me, and responded to what I had said. Afterward they invited me back for a movie (the original Solaris), and we stayed up half the night talking about it. I am still friends with those people today, and keep up the connection even across hundreds and hundreds of miles (none of us live near the others). Honestly, your experience with your "friends" reminds me of my misery with my dorm mates. My suggestion is to try to find people who share your interests. I have moved around a bit, and have found success with meetup.com. It's a great way to get involved in activities related to your interests, and I find social interaction to be easier in a structured activity.

Good luck!

This pretty much describes my social interactions, too.

Social interaction is not like playing tennis. Tennis is FUN! Social interaction is NOT!

Thanks LostInSpace I'll definately try meetup.com.

Just like yourself, I thrive around structured activity.

You can learn something from this. A lot of the time, when people are complaining, they just want sympathy and for their problem to be acknowledged, rather than for a solution to be provided.

This is a lot like my social interactions. A friend of mine also used the tennis analogy to explain how the give-and-take of conversation is supposed to work. Apparently, from what my friend describes neurotypicals think of what the other person might be thinking or feeling while that person is speaking, and can readily form a response based on that. I am usually just trying to think of what to say next. She made it sound so easy, and yet it isn't.

Hi FishStickNick,
I agree with you that it isn't easy, and the way I feel about it I'd say it is impossible; and yet it can't be impossible as NT's do it all the time, and they enjoy it.

We have agreed to meet up again next week, but I am dreading it. The thing is that I am going to try my hardest to learn (or at least copy/mimic) non-topic orientated social interaction. Maybe if I try hard enough it will become natural.

Hi Who Am I,
I didn't know that until you pointed it out. Thank you

And I am horrible at tennis too. If the ball (conversational nuances) was twice as large and went half as fast...

... because 'love' means 'nothing', perhaps?

StarCity, I have witnessed this before. I have been at small gatherings with my wife and have observed my wife and her girlfriends engaged in such a “tennis” game. Occasionally, I would add something (that I thought was pertinent). But, apparently, what I oftentimes say must be inappropriate or irrelevant. As typically, I am ignored.

Oftentimes, I decide to just listen/observe (and not say anything). It’s difficult to not say something, especially when people go on and on about what seems to be stupid/trivial manners (or say something that is totally inaccurate). In any event, I remind myself to keep my mouth shut and just listen. I try to shift my gaze (towards whoever was talking) as the “volleys” go back and forth between the participants. Occasionally, I get distracted. So, instead of changing my attention to the person talking, I simply stare at my wife. She has asked me multiple times, “why are you staring at me”? I thought, “Dang, I forgot to follow the ball”. LOL.

Hi Fnord,

I couldn't understand what you meant. I know that "Love" is a tennis term, and that "Love" is a word to describe affection between people, but I couldn't understand it in this context.

Hi Rocket123,

Thank you for your sharing your own experience.
What you describe is exactly what it was like; and what most social interaction is like for me. So at least I know that other people have simular/the same difficulties than myself.

I have found that some people are understanding & can see the difficulties I face in social interaction and do their best to make sure I am included in the conversation.