Transition Time?

Post Reply New Topic

So, I nanny and babysit for a lot of children on the spectrum (mostly Aspies). My sister is an Aspie herself. One of the things I super strongly encourage parents to do is give their children transition time when I'm leaving and they're coming. The parents text me when they're on their way home and I start 15-minute "transition time" with the kids, giving them lots of warnings that their parents are on their way back and I'm going to be leaving soon.

None of the parents I watch for do this with their children, this is completely a me thing. Which means, on the rare occasion that there isn't a text warning in advance for whatever reason, I'm in a difficult position. Because I really want to stay 15 minutes later (I'm willing to do no charge, even) and provide some transition time, but the parents seem to want me gone quickly after they're home. Which means without some justification, I don't want to push the whole transition time thing.

When I mentioned this recently, one of the parents said the children (all of whom are elementary school aged) do have to get used to how the 'real world' works at some point. It occurred to me that the parent might have a point. I do it because it felt like a good idea to me and my mom said it helped my sister, but I am questioning myself.

So I ask, what do you guys think about "transition time"? Good idea? Bad? Neutral? Does it sound like the sort of thing that would help you, or do you have any suggestions for improvement?

Thanks!! !

Both you and the mother have good points; children on the autistic spectrum do have a more difficult time with transitions than most children, and the approach of "transition time" can definitely reduce the stress of these children, but "learning how the real world works" would be beneficial to the children in the long term.

Perhaps some sort of medium could be reached; would it be possible to start a child off on 15 minutes of "transition time," then, maybe after two or three times, if the child seems to be doing well, 10 minutes of transition time, and, if the child continues to do well, gradually keep lessening the transition time until no warning is given at all?

The mother is being ridiculous. In the "real world" the child will grow up and have a little control over their surroundings, and if they feel the need for that kind of security they can always set an alarm for the transitions in their lives. Im so sick of parents using that as an excuse not to make simple concessions to reduce their children's anxiety levels. NT parents are so caught up in their own little world that just because their children see and feel a little different their views and stresses aren't valid. The simple fact that they're children makes their anxiety and issues seem less important.

Oh dear...I was hoping this would answer questions, but instead I'm left with two conflicting opinions. Anyone want to tie-break? (Or defend their response?)

I always have a hard time getting my son from after school care because I just show up. Am thinking now I should call them when I leave work. I'm all for transition time

Makes total sense to me. It is many years since I was a child but I do remember that the thing I needed most was information so I knew what to expect in any situation. Every one of us is different and has different needs, whether on the spectrum or not. If society learned to accept and accommodate difference we would not have trouble being accepted. It seems to me you are doing a great job and perhaps the mum needs to understand that a small adjustment like this should be the norm if it helps.

knowing whats going to happen ahead of time is always less stressful

Okay, I think the tie has been overwhelmingly broken! Thanks so much!

I would like to add, the parents are lovely people, just overwhelmed when they get home and without a lot of background about autism, so basically all they have to go on is my word whether or not it's a good idea to do.

Any other advice for me as a nanny/babysitter? I do lots of transition warnings, give bear hugs (no soft touch and after asking) when melt downs occur, and REALLY try to follow through on anything I promise (although sometimes it's not up to me)...anything else I should be doing?

If you believe myself and a lot of aspies and autistics on the subject, most of our disorder results from sensory processing issues, so in general when dealing with aspies and other autistics it's important to be respectful of their sensory environment and to make them aware when you are going to make any changes to it as well as keeping it at levels they find comfortable.

Generally speaking that's why transitions tend to be so jarring for us and why some warning is often helpful, because it's a change in our sensory environment and it takes us time to process the sudden flood of new information so knowing that's coming can allow us to prepare ourselves for that.

Glad to see that these kids have a good caregiver who's concerned enough to ask these kinds of questions.

Back when I was a kid. I needed to get advance warning of when my mother would get home. When my mother was gone. I would go stim ballistic. I would jump on the couch, do the lollipop march. flap my arms , stomp on the floor and scream at the top of my lungs. All acts of which I was embarrassed and ashamed of doing but had to do to unwind. It was very important to know in advance when my mother would get to the front door so I could stop stimming before hand. luckily for me. I knew electronics and was able to build a driveway sensor so when my mom's car (or any car.) pulled up into the driveway. an alarm would go off and I had up to a 2 minute warning before my mother got to the front door.