Birds of a Feather Flock Together

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I have been observing a pattern of previously undiagnosed aspies seeming to find each other before they even know what they are. For example, I met a female aspie (you ladies are hard to peg) that did not know she was Aspergers; she said her son was diagnosed, and a month after I suggested she may be, a diagnosis came her way. I later found out her husband is too.

This scenario had repeated its self many times. Sometimes it is a spouse, girlfriend, or best friend, but in general I am finding undiagnosed auties "flocking" together.

Have you noticed this pattern?

What would make us gravitate towards each other?

Could it be a similar phenomenon to the "Uncanny Valley"? Except the uncanny feeling is replaced by a comfortable, meant to be feeling?

I believe in the theory of the Uncanny Valley. I believe something is sensed by the NT that we are "a little off". This feeling perpetuates into bullying, ostracism, shunning, and the promotion of our isolation. How else can the criteria of being bullied be explained?

Explain why we are bullied and taken advantage of almost entirely as a group.

Do we put off an energy? Does this energy that repels the NT draw us together?

My research comes from observation in the real world with people I have physical contact with.

I don't know what the uncanny valley feels like.

However, I remember at a party four people ended up in a group. Three were undiagnosed autistics, one had ADHD. I was one, a friend was a second, and the third and fourth were people I had first met that night.

It started between myself and the undiagnosed Aspie I didn't know, and we were both trying to have an NT-type conversation until she commented, and then we dropped all the pretense and had a good conversation.

I think for most of us the uncanny feeling is our entire existance.
Read the wiki of Uncanny Feeling. A member of this forum presented it in the past.

I've always found that I tend to be attracted (not necessarily romantically) to people who are slightly unusual. Maybe not always on the spectrum, but sometimes they are, and I sense a kindred spirit in them (Anne of Green Gables style).

Probably has more to do with genetic similarities. It is well known that people who share similar physical traits statistically are more likely to be attracted to each other.

I learned that a senior at my school was an Aspie a few years ago. I met a high-functioning girl in my childhood, and another Aspie, who is a year older than me.

Back in my middle school (*shudder), when he was in eighth grade, I was in sixth grade, he asked if I was an Aspie or not. I was just diagnosed and I asked the "Why, are you?" He said he was. I don't know if he was diagnosed professionally or not, but he seems to fit the criteria well. I'm not exactly sure why he came to me, but we're really good friends now.

I recently met a junior in an art class. He is extremely artistic and he's so artistic that he won various awards and is retaking art classes so he can learn more. He told me that he was diagnosed with a little autism , ADHD, dyslexia, and anxiety. Everyone says he's too smart to be autistic but little do they know... I'm should probably tell him that I am an Aspie too. We relate the best with each other rather than anyone else.

It's more the matter whether you meet them. I definitely share a lot of characteristics with my autistic friends more than my neurotypical friends.

Yes, I definately relate to this and the more I discover about AS and about myself the more I realise how many people I have known with undiagnosed and now diagnosed AS. I get on with these people really well but being an aspie, don't sustain the friendships.

Yes, often there is an instant connection, like two souls on the same frequency.

Outside of support groups I have never talked to a person that I knew at the time or found at later was on the spectrum. After my diagnoses on 8/26 as I look back on my life there are a handful of people I was friendly with that I suspect were classically autistic and a couple of others aspie.

I have been to a total of 3 support group meetings and there has never been an instant connection. There is one person I feel very connected with but that has developed over the 3 different meetings.

On WP yes very connected with some almost instantly.

This is how I came to find out that I am an Aspie. A new neighbor was uncommonly good to me when NOBODY else ever is. He was always a mystery to me though. In my effort to try to understand him, I finally realized that he was an Aspie... but then when I looked at all the traits involved, I realized that it was also a perfect description of myself too. This was later confirmed. Sadly, he moved away nearly a year and a half ago... and I never was able to talk with him effectively... but he was also much more avoidant than I am with a social tolerance limit of only about 5 seconds compared to my two hour limit.

Actually I wish that I had one or two friends to flock together with.

No.

I've only met one person who I knew had a diagnosis. He was a Mormon missionary with HFA, so I didn't really talk to him.

I haven't gotten along too well with those who appear autistic. There was one kid in my high school who I would be shocked if he wasn't diagnosed/diagnosable. The longest conversation I had with him was when he asked "why are you friends with such as*holes?", the "as*holes" being his bullies. I don't do well around the "geek" stereotype in general. I guess I'm a self-hating geek, but they're excruciating to be near. And you MONOLOGUERS! When I was looking at apartments I was approached by a tenant who was avoiding eye contact and flapping his fingers together like Mr. Burns on crack. I spent half an hour trying to get him to shut the f**k up about basketball. He kept going on and on until he got a phone call just in time before I shot myself. This ended my consideration of that apartment.

None of my friends have had any ASD traits. Well, besides one brief "friend" who was weird and avoided eye contact, but I don't want to admit the possibility because I hated that kid. On the other hand, a large proportion of my friends have been other ADHDers.

I'd like to meet some other autistics to see if I'm just a poor judge, or you're really all annoying over-reserved bores.

The person who is probably my closest friend has Asperger's also, but I haven't noticed this effect in my own life. I haven't gotten along with most IRL.

I have to be honest and say that I've never attracted Aspies nor was drawn to them? There are only two people I know who are on the spectrum, one is my brother who like me is undiagnosed and the other is my daughter who is diagnosed.

Being an undiagnosed Aspie I knew I had social deficits as a child but was persuaded by parents, friends and peers to subdue these traits and conform. My brother and I managed to conform so well that we both ended up fitted quite well into the NT world and we both looked at people with social deficits as people that we would not normally associate with or be friends with. Having said that we both share a propensity for introversion and never maintained more than one good friend at any one time.

Jitaku-

You were either in a bad mood when you posted or you are a major di*k! Lol. Then again, I suppose if your thoughts are just thoughts and you don't actually express your disdain on to others then who cares.

These connections do not necessarily have to be instant; it could be happenstance and only upon reflection do you realize that the few people in your life are "off" just like you.

I've recently resumed contact with an old school friend. She was my best friend for years, but we lost touch with one another, after leaving school. Turns out her son has Aspergers, just like my daughter. The assessments/diagnoses happened before we resumed contact, so I'd no idea this was going on with her. Neither she nor I have a diagnosis, but we both feel we're on the spectrum and she says her son reminds her of me. Also, my next door neighbour's son has Aspergers. Her best friend from school also has a son who is being assessed currently and probably has Aspergers too. Neither of those mums have diagnoses either, but isn't it odd that us two pairs of friends have this same thing going on. I don't think it's likely to be just a coincidence. I get on really well with my next door neighbour too.

Mummy-

This is what I'm talking about. If a pattern can be proven then a "why" can be sought.