Depression and Aspergers

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If you get depression what does it feel like for you? Is it the classic type of depression where you feel worthless or does it differ?

Personally I don't get feelings of worthlessness, I just feel hopeless, demotivated, don't want to do anything (except my beautiful hobbies..which strangely I still get excited over even if I can't feel excited over anything else) etc. I will also want to give up on whatever is depressing me, which is usually related to social stuff. I just don't want to keep trying as nothing I do seems to work.

I tried going out and chatting to people...no luck in finding a friend/partner
I tried the internet..got bullied,
I tried doing things of interest such as going to the gym...people don't chat much in there
Before I was on disability used to work..got bullied
At school..go bullied

And if I do manage to find a friend because I have enough energy to indulge in short burst of social chit chatting then I can't maintain said friendship for various reasons (don't like my routines changed, don't like my samenesses altered, don't like missing out on my hobby time, don't always have the energy to make chit chats whether I am depressed or otherwise etc). All in all I end up getting a lot of complaints from people...

ie

Don't talk enough
Talk too much (if I let rip and actually talk about something I know about like my favourite hobbies)
Am too difficult
Am too fussy
Am irritating people on purpose (which I am most certainly not they are all just paranoid!)
Keep on about the same subject too much
Don't answer people quickly enough when or if they leave messages
Wont answer my phone (but they keep ringing at dinner time or when I am doing my stitching)

All in all people either think I don't like them, am not interested in them or am just being a pain in the arse spoiled brat (ie fussy with my food and have to dance around my sensitivities etc).

Once again I feel like giving up as I am nearly 40 and am now very tired of trying to make friends. I have been trying for 20 years and have not managed to find what I am looking for (a friend/relationship) I can cope with. I had a few friends at school but those friendships never lasted and they were usually with the other kids who were being bullied or people my parents pushed me together with. Since school/college I have had no friendships despite years of trying.

There is no where to go to for help really as I am not diagnosed with an ASD, my diagnosis is depression and social anxiety. Therapists insist I can get over my social issues if I just relax. It really does not work that way and my social problems have always been with me. They are nothing new. And yeah I do get some nervousness when mixing but it is the least of my problems. Even if I get past it I still don't find friend and I have all those other issues too.

Ergo I feel hopeless and depressed.

How is depression for you?

I was thinking about this earlier.

I often feel annoyed by most depressed people. The ones who just dwell in their own self pity.
There is so much wrong with the world and people complain about themselves.
I don't feel sad for myself. I feel sad for the world.
At the same time people don't do anything and complain about themselves.
I get apathetic sometimes but you can fight it and do things anyways or let it take over.
People who aren't willing to suffer for what matters to them because they are afraid have only failed because they give up.

I wish people weren't afraid to live.

I didn't know that worthlessness is considered the main component in classic depression. I have heard it summed up as anger turned inward by one school, and living in the past by another.
Mine has a lot to do with the difficulties in communicating and co-operating to employ my talents. Maybe half of that comes not from my AS, but from my mother's, which gave me an "Attachment Disorder." That makes it particularly difficult to belong anywhere. I just quit a group I'd been corresponding with for over a decade, when one particularly dumb posting went unchallenged. It was wrong in so many ways, I just gave up on the whole group that saw little wrong.

I completely know what you're talking about. Have you tried alcohol? LOL just kidding but I understand the feelings of not being understood and just wanting t crawl in a hole and hide. I too try as you do to get out there and make things happen but something always happens that makes me go inward again. People don;t understand and i don't really understand myself either hich make things worse because I beat myself up over not being good enough. Depression makes you look and act like a f*****g weak p**** and hate it for that.

I seem to want to sleep lots.

I was feeling a bit more productive until recently but my mood seems to have crashed. The only thing I have any energy for, or interest in, at the moment are my hobbies which are presently body building and needle crafts (mostly tapestry and cross stitching but I also want to learn general sewing, embroidery, knitting and crochet as well).

At the moment I am pondering reading a book on weight training as I was too tired to actually make it to the gym this morning. I went yesterday to do part of my split routine and so will pick it up tomorrow instead. I really hate when my depression gets in the way of my routines though as I was supposed to work my shoulders, arms and upper back this morning. I also wanted to go for a swim. I will have do that tomorrow as well.

I really do feel like I could have written some of the above responses. I am beset by depression so much of the time, but all the more so since I was diagnosed. I had Dysthymia as one of my symptoms, defined as, “This common disorder is a chronic depression whose symptoms are less severe than those in major depressive disorder. Its depressive symptoms must be present most days over at least a 2-year period (1 year in children and adolescents). Major depressive disorder may precede this disorder, and major depressive episodes may occur during persistent depressive disorder.” Its being going on for the vast majority of my life, this swing from full blown burnout to a melancholia interspersed with small manic bursts of happiness.

I started seeing a Psychotherapist as part of the diagnostic process – I wanted to know once and for all what the hell was going on in my head. Not sure we have got the definitive version, but I do resemble the criteria very closely. It has been a difficult road with much disagreement and analysis, but it seems to me the more I know the more difficult it becomes to assimilate.

She made a comment during one session, and not in the least flippantly, “It is a shame you are bright enough to really understand what is goin g on with you and you will also understand that so few other people understand!” Whilst true, (and I am not being ‘big headed’, I am very bright but can only just hold down a really poorly paid, soul destroying, admin post) I found this realisation one of the most depressing things I had ever heard. THEY aren’t going to change and I CAN’T. My immediate response was to want to crawl back into my little cave and roll the rock in front of the opening. To me it feels like I am carrying a huge lead weighted body suit – like one of those inflatable Sumo Wrestler suits – and everything becomes a major challenge. My head feels like it is full of cotton wool balls, but my hearing becomes super hypersensitive. Really irritating. This is usually accompanied by the little s**t in my head who whispers, “You are a waste of space, loser, freak….etc” and when I feel like this, sadly, I usually agree.

well with a name that sounds like "ass burgers" no wonder u all are so depressed.

everytime people say aspergers, it sounds like ass burgers.

I say Ass per gers (hard g and p) not Ass burgers young cheeky monkey nut!

I think I have most of the symptoms of classic depression but I bounce between it and anxiety constantly (and frequently at the same time). I only have a diagnosis or Dysthymia, which is BS actually.
But I have no interests in my special interests when I'm depressed. I'm so bored because there's nothing I enjoy doing when I feel like this.

I just Googled the symptoms as it's been a while since I last looked at them. It's interesting how much of an overlap there is with ASD related stuff. It's been two years since I've last felt happy and I've have suffered from depression for 6 out of the last ten years. I can't remember if I was always this tired or if it's just down to depression. I've always been anxious but is it aspie anxious or normal anxiety (to an extent, I've had ridiculously high anxiety levels since I was 5). Again, the food thing. I've always been a bit funny around food. I eat too much sometimes and not at all other times. How do I tell which is which? Hell, is that why my psychiatrist couldn't tell either?

I don't know anymore.
I would never call depression self-pity. If I feel self-pity it means I'm connected enough to the world around me and feel that I'm missing out on something and I care that I am, so it requires feelings/thoughts that I simply don't have when I'm depressed.
I'm anhedonic a lot, especially when it comes down to motivation. Anhedonia is the one word that I'd say best describes my depression. When I seemingly lack the capacity for pleasure as well as experience emotional pain, that's the worst.
When I was trying to carry on with my life and succeed both in a societal and personal way, I would be wracked by guilt at failing. But I've slowly given up on most long-term/recurring activities that require some responsibility on my part now, as I just kept failing and failing at them.
I'm tired a lot, nearly all the time. The highlights of my life recently have been when I'm not tired and I actually kinda want to do something. Only recently, a year or so maybe, I've experienced feeling undepressed yet still incredibly tired such that I still don't want to do anything.

At its worst I simply don't want to take part in life anymore. The thought of doing so causes me so much pain that it's overwhelming.

The feelings of guilt in my depression are largely linked to failing to succeed, driven by societal pressure. When I found out that I have celiac disease, I finally threw that guilt out the window for good. It's one thing to tell yourself that your emotions and therefore actions aren't your fault and quite another to actually believe it.

Even when feeling guilty about not doing something or generally not doing anything, I would say that for the most part I didn't feel worthless, at least not that I knew I did. Except when I was bullied in grade school, (which didn't happen all the time, there were a few notable terrible years in there though), my self-esteem is generally quite good.

Very recently I think I've messed up my diet, eating gluten regularly from some unknown source. (Well, I have some pretty good ideas, but I'm not eating anything that the manufacturer/maker doesn't call gluten free.) I have physical symptoms that I've associated with eating gluten, and now I've got what I'm hope are mental symptoms from it, mental symptoms that are likely also worse because of PMS. I think my depression is largely caused by my celiac disease; celiac disease can cause neurological damage aside from nutrient deficiencies which can also cause depression.

I am aware of celiac disease as it runs in my family along with diabetes type 2. I am not diagnosed with it myself but have found that eating a gluten free/cows milk free diet helps remove my digestive symptoms from the equation (I was given a diagnosis of IBS based on symptoms. I did have a test for celiac but I was on a gluten free diet at the time so doubt the validity of the test..it can cause a false negative).

Have you considered trying the paleo diet which is also gluten free. It requires eating fresh foods only which drastically cuts down your risk of cross contamination. Cross contamination is easy these days as I have even come across a vegetable stirfry that is not suitable for celiacs. I have been eating wheat and cows milk again recently but when I am not I tend stick to a heavily paleo influenced diet and cook my own stirfry with well washed fresh vegetables (no prepacked).

On the pale influenced diet my IBS completely goes away.

Basically no grains (although some still consume rice and oats that have not been cross contaminated with gluten grains as they are considered to be the worst offenders), no dairy (although some will consume limited amounts of goats) and no legumes (i ignore this and still eat things like peas). Also no processed foods and sugars...some consider it a boring diet but it is very healthy and has gotten rid of my physical symptoms completely.

I need to get back to sticking to it properly...i keep coming on and off of it lately.

Oh I know Bumble, I know I should be eating paleo. I need to be slapped for being stupid like I am, eating foods I've thought might be causing me issues in the past! It's not quite cheating, least that's what I tell myself
I almost am. I'm totally dairy free and processed corn free. I eat specific brands of rice that I've never knowingly reacted to and use locally ground buckwheat (the only thing they process) for most baking or thickening I do. I avoid chocolate and coffee, they don't go over well with me anymore.
But when I see yummy meat sticks that just have corn starch in them, and want a peanut butter and jam sammich...

ahaha, lack of willpower I'd say is a huge symptom of depression. Also, I've always enjoyed food. Not quite as much as when I'm non-depressed, but food's always one of those things that I actually want. I'd give myself a 2nd stomach if I could just so I could stuff my face more! I'm not completely anhedonic I suppose :-p
I swear my favorite food is a nice thick hunk of fresh French bread with salted butter or a large piece of brie on it...*drools*

I nearly always eat fresh veggies, sometimes I buy packaged. I use frozen peas. I have noticed that I should be leery of frozen veggies though, many brands have skillet-type things with noodle or soy sauce mixed in with the greens. Obviously I can't eat those, but those bags could be packaged on the same line as the regular frozen foods.

I've discovered a sulphite problem since being gluten free, although it's not bad...I can handle things like coconut milk and usually don't have an issue with frozen shrimp. Wine's a no-no though.

*sigh* My overly opinionated self also hasn't gotten along very well with the biggest online celiac community either. I got banned and I think it's detrimental to my overall well-being if I were to just make another account to go on there again.

Which is the biggest celiac community?

I love food and second you on the french bread with butter...oh gosh it is nice!

I get banned a lot for being opinionated. Apparently my views are also controversial. My emotional upsets don't help.

Ah yeah, I still eat sugar and I still eat legumes. I love my beans...I buy a local brand of them again, the other brands also package things like barley.
I could go without refined sugar. I eat lots of honey and use molasses and agave nectar often as it is. Not sure if that's good though.

I've totally considered going really low-carb too. I heard some researcher talk about it on CBC a couple weeks ago, said that evidence shows that things like alzheimers and dementia can be eradicated on a low carb diet.

The willpower though, the willpower

celiac.com I used to go to

Google 'is x gluten free', celiac.com will be the first, like, 10 hits.

I have a serious issue with a couple moderators. They told me I was being mean suggesting someone might have a mental health problem they could get a professional to talk to, said I was making assumptions, as if all the other advice and suggestions being given to the person weren't also making assumptions. All this while a notable member of the community had a committed suicide not that long ago too. /frustrated

Before that I got a warning for calling people liars. Well, they were saying x product is gluten free when the manufacturers won't claim they're gluten free. I was really pissed off to find out that those products weren't safe.

They couldn't even ban me for a proper reason of disturbing the peace, I got banned for name-calling, which I didn't do.


Maybe I should stop derailing the thread....

If someone else would like to share something about their depression please don't let me deter you.

Depression is such an awful feeling, and can become hard to snap out of. The more social interaction I get, the less I feel depressed.

I do get bouts of depression, though. I start to wonder what is the point, and I worry how I look to other people, both physically and socially. And bouts of depression can be so disabling sometimes. It's something that is so hard to ignore. I never know when a bout of depression is going to come. Sometimes I get so depressed that I panic inwardly. I feel emotionally claustrophobic with it, like I'm trapped in my own skin and finding it hard to change myself or getting motivated to change some of my living habits. It's not as easy as some people make it sound.