Question for Kids

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My son who just turned four was diagnosed a little over a month ago with High Functioning Autism. I just wanted to know what you wish your parents would have done or told you when you were young 4-8yr?

Accepted my sensory issues (let me wear the clothes that didn't hurt my skin), accept the fact that I would never be "like my brothers", and also accept the psychs' AS suspicions.
I think it is wonderful for you to be asking, by the way. 50 mom points to you!

My dad was always completely honest with me, my mom the complete opposite, she used to tell me ritalin were vitamins and even though I knew the truth kept lying to me and everybody else. Levi had much bigger problems with meltdowns than I ever did and she used to give him valium rather than deal with his behaviour issues, since we moved in with dad he hardly ever has them and has become a much more polite, well-behaved little man. Whatever you do, don't lie to your son about this, he may be young but he deserves to know the truth and you won't be protecting him by keeping him in the dark.

Louis

Thank you both. He can't really tell me what he feels yet, so it is really important to me. I getting him all the help I can from school and ABA. I am reading up on HFA and treatments as well as talking to other parents. However, hearing from people who really know makes a difference.

I know that on the parents side there seems to be debates about telling kids. I am glad that my gut feeling which is he deserves to know seems to be how you feel too. We rarely ever put him in anything that isn't loose and soft minus holiday photos. I will try hard not to forget that it actual hurts when he doesn't want to wear something.

I am really grateful that you are willing to help parents make growing up with autism a little easier. He is the funniest, happiest and quirkiest kid I know. I want him to grow and be as independent and successful as he can be, but I don't want to do it at the expense of his happiness. It is a fine line between helping grow and progress and trying to change someone.

You're welcome Setai

There are several cases where bending the truth for the benefit of your child can be the better option, but in this case I really don't believe that it is. Children usually have a fairly good idea when they're being lied to or manipulated and this is something that he needs to know he can always trust you on. He needs to know that whatever he has to say, you will be there to listen and understand. The next 10 years will be an extremely difficult and trying time for you both but as long as he has your love and support he will get through this and hopefully be much stronger for the experience.

Louis

I wish that my parents would have helped me. They told me that when I was younger, I usually wouldn't interact with other kids at my daycare center. When I was in 1st grade, I could never finish my work because I couldn't focus, but my parents only assumed that I needed to try harder. I just found this out recently, but when I was about 7 years old, my teachers wanted to have me diagnosed, but my parents refused because they didn't think there was anything wrong. They just thought I was a bit different. If my parents had been more concerned and gotten me diagnosed when I was little, I could have gotten a lot of help that I really needed. I am now 15 years old, and I'm in the process of being diagnosed. It's wonderful that you are doing everything you can for your son, and keep trying to get him as much help as possible. Even if he doesn't have any issues, just keep doing everything you can to help him succeed. It will really help him in the future.

Thank you for sharing how you felt Amberlena. All of your comments make a difference in how we are handling our son. We decided to have him attend the IEP meeting, even though the school said it was not necessary. Just turning 4yr a few weeks ago he probably didn't soak it all in, but he will grow up knowing he has Autism and it makes him different (wonderful , but different). Besides ABA he will be in a special class just for kids with Autism. He will be able to meet kids his own age who also are different.

I am sure I will be coming to you guys again. I have gotten great advice from parents, but I think what I heard from you probably had more impact on my decisions.

What I always wish my mom did, was try to understand when I couldn't cooperate, or do what she was asking me to do. There would be times where I would have trouble doing homework and get really frustrated, then eventually gave up or took a break, since it's impossible to concentrate when I don't know how to do something.

Either way, my mom still yelled at me, thinking that I just didn't want to work on it any more. So, a helpful tip would be to remember to establish the difference between "I won't," (not wanting to do it) and "I can't." (Not understanding how to do it)

If you're trying to get your kid to cooperate, and he's not, try to find out why, before assuming that he's just not wanting to do what you're trying to get him to do. We autists tend to have trouble telling someone if we don't understand, so it's best to ask why he's not doing it. (Unless if he's non-verbal. Then look at his actions and behavior, and try to help him out.)