Did you ever google your old classmates?

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tjr1243
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22 Nov 2013, 12:47 am

I did, and found, even the ones who equalled me academically (I'm only average) OUTDID me in all aspects of life.

For example, I googled one classmate that was very unpopular in elementary school and only "average" academically - he's a well-known attorney!

Another classmate was quite homely looking, unpopular and not very bright - she has a FB account and seems happily married, quite literate and flourishing.

The others ranged from VP at a bank, doctor, successful entreprenuer, etc. (I googled about 10 classmates, and the ones I could find had either lucrative careers or a seemingly successful marriage and social life.)

In comparision, I have no friends, no partner, and failed at every job I ever had, and none of my jobs were higher than entry level (this is not to knock entry-level jobs, b/c I strongly believe that some of the most respectable jobs are the ones no one else wants to do. They are underrated and underappreciated. )

In all, I was stunned. These were my equals or below academically, and I am no higher than average in intellect.

I guess it goes to show what social skills deficits really mean in the greater scheme of things :?: That, or people can really be late bloomers! Happy for them, but puzzled because some of them were truly unpopular and/or socially awkward :scratch:



League_Girl
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22 Nov 2013, 12:48 am

I have only looked them up on facebook.


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22 Nov 2013, 12:50 am

Why would I research people that I hated?



Fisplen
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22 Nov 2013, 2:32 am

Well if You notice , it's usually the unpopular ones and the ' ugly ' ones that get the good stuff later in life , while the popular ones are usually dicks and won't get far later in life.

Karma? I don't know...



cyberdad
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22 Nov 2013, 5:05 am

Fisplen wrote:
Well if You notice , it's usually the unpopular ones and the ' ugly ' ones that get the good stuff later in life , while the popular ones are usually dicks and won't get far later in life.

Karma? I don't know...


Unfortunately all the bullies and alpha males/females in my school are all very successful individuals. I know a few who had sociopathic tendencies and certain levels of cruelty at school who are now working in jobs with children or are health professionals.



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22 Nov 2013, 5:47 am

tjr1243 wrote:
In comparision, I have no friends, no partner, and failed at every job I ever had, and none of my jobs were higher than entry level (this is not to knock entry-level jobs, b/c I strongly believe that some of the most respectable jobs are the ones no one else wants to do. They are underrated and underappreciated. )

In all, I was stunned. These were my equals or below academically, and I am no higher than average in intellect.


You and I must have been separated at birth, considering what you painted here is the story of my life. No friends? Check. No partner? Check. Spotty work history consisting of menial jobs? Check. And guess what? I was always the star student of any class I was in: that's not conceit, that's a fact.

But here's the thing: those 10 classmates you googled don't represent a comprehensive image of the success of your entire peer group. Let's start at the roots here, first there's the dichotomy between successful careers on one hand and happy family life on the other (of course, not mutually exclusive), for you've said: either lucrative careers or a seemingly successful marriage and social life, as I said (and neither you nor anyone is claiming that) the two are not mutually exclusive, and one is not a guarantee for the other. Of the attorney, the entrepeneur, the doctor, do you know whether or not they're having a happy private life? Maybe the doctor is having an affair. Maybe the bank's vice-president downs a glass of whisky every Saturday night before going to sleep. Maybe the entrepreneur had to bury a child. You don't know!
On the flipside, maybe the ones who are doing okay in the social department and have a great group of friends, feel that they are failing in terms of advancing in their careers, picked a course of education that was really fulfilling for them personally, but struggle to find a job in their field of interest; and now they're considering how to go about re-schooling theirselves to procure that financial security.

And that brings me to my next point: it's harder to google the 'bad'.
And when I say 'bad', I'm not talking about embarrassing old videos and photos of being drunk at parties or crashing your car into a store window at age 22.
The attorney is googlable as an attorney, so is the success of the doctor, the VP et cetera. That's what people put on the internet: look everyone, I'm a great attorney! Please use my services!
You're not going to put on Facebook: "Well, I originally wanted to study paleontology, but I was emotionally struggling while living with my alcoholic father in my late teens, so university kind of went on the backburner for a couple of years, and I scrubbed toilets instead trying to make a buck and when time came around for my enrollment exams, I got this huge fright and I called the whole thing off halfway through." You're not going to see those things online. People present the good stuff online, and if they don't have so many great things to report, they'll just keep quiet about it.

Those 10 classmates you found may have been successful from a certain point-of-view, each in their own respective ways. But they do not provide the whole story; they're keeping the not-so-nice bits for themselves. And among all the other classmates you didn't find online, there may be a lot who are feeling the same as you and me, thinking "Wow, this is not what I had imagined for myself when I was 15".

I googled my friends. I used it to reconnect with them on Facebook (which, though initially met with enthusiasm, did sadly not result in a reunion). I also googled myself. It doesn't yield much, except for my comic book forum profile, and my activities on an Indonesia-related blog. But in terms of how I fare in society, there is nothing. I have no LinkedIn profile. My personal life is ungoogleable. Ergo, as of now, no classmate would be able to find out whether or not I ever got that biology doctorate I was so bent on getting, at least not by consulting a search engine.

So in conclusion, googling your old classmates provides a cock-eyed view of the current state of things, and you must remember that appearances can be deceiving- and the grass is always greener on the other side.


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22 Nov 2013, 6:59 am

Baah!! !! I cannot relate. I cannot compare myself. I'm too different. Personal success is more than an education, a job, how many so called friends you have, or a silver spoon. Ask youself. How were you born. How did that progress into what you are now. What achievements have you made for yourself. I was born into a difficult life. It was harder for me. I did more than most all those people who could just breeze through stuff. You cannot see it. There is no award. Just trying to fit in is a daunting task. However now, even though I'm rather poor, single, cannot hold a job, or keep more than 3 good friends. I am the master at what I do. I am my own success. Tell me not!! ! ;)......



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22 Nov 2013, 8:22 am

I spent quite a bit of time on Friends Reunited, before Facebook got big, so I have been nosy. What I've found - people lie, so take everything with a pinch of salt. One girl I was at uni with says she studied medicine, during the years that she was in my class, studying microbiology - still good, but she's no doctor. She also claims to be influential in the music industry, so I'm doubtful about that too. Also, a friend claimed to be in Vienna, when she was in a not very nice part of the North of England. That was just a joke. But there are quite a few boys who were below average at primary school, who did rather well in high school and beyond. They're now working as accountants and teachers, which I can believe.


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22 Nov 2013, 8:37 am

Someone from my class maintains an obituary page. I can see who died, and then use that info to find out the circumstances of their deaths.

Eventually, everyone dies ... especially the bullies, and they seem to die first.



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22 Nov 2013, 9:37 am

I looked up some people but didn't find a lot since I moved to another country. I did find a couple very successful people, but I'm not too jealous. They're good looking and they worked hard, why shouldn't they have success? I still keep in touch with a few people from high school. Yes everybody seem to make a lot of money, but I'm sure their lives are a lot more stressful than mine, too. And I really don't know what to do with 300k a year anyway. :)


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saxifraga
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22 Nov 2013, 12:48 pm

No.
I did google my ex, saw her obituary.
Facebook searched a couple people just to get their exact FB name in order to put on my blocked list. My FB is almost all family with only a couple old friends. In regards to high school era people,,, I didnt like them then- why would i like them now?



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22 Nov 2013, 12:53 pm

I have Facebooked my old classmates not long ago, and I was surprised to find most of them are still friends with each other and talk to each other a lot. They've probably all forgotten about me, and I don't care because I have met a lot of different people since the day I left school back in 2006, and I'm trying to not ever look back on my High School life again because, looking back, I was lonely and unhappy and felt most people, if not everyone, in my class hated me for being an Aspie. :cry:

I have put that behind me now....but it's still sometimes upsetting for me when I get reminded of what they are all doing and that they are still all friends. I have about three or four people from school in my Facebook who aren't friends with those others from school, so I guess I'm not the only one who is forgotten. :D


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22 Nov 2013, 2:22 pm

I'm FB friends with a lot of high school folks now that I never talked with back then. Folks who weren't total as*holes to me but who never spoke to me and kind of snubbed me and only made fun of me a little bit. I'm not friends with the ones who were as*holes to me, except this one guy who I just feel sorry for now. The thing is, all that in the past is past and we are basically the same now. Talking about our grandkids and our kids and our pets and sometimes somebody posts some drama, but mostly it's just the same stuff as me.

There is this one friend I had in grade school that is on my FB who I like but hate at the same time. She was always absolutely beautiful and still is, she looks like she's in her 30's but she's 51, she's a lawyer with kids, a great husband, money, beautiful house, etc. She's also just very, very NICE now. So overly nice to everybody. After she friended me I told her she looks stunning and that I'm impressed. She modestly said thank you and all. I asked her if she sold her soul to the devil or something lol. Because of her beauty and her success and all that. I sort of halfway meant it too.



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22 Nov 2013, 2:43 pm

I didn't look them up. they looked ME up. 8O I couldn't believe anybody remembered me, or if they did, they didn't think I was in jail or dead. We were a small class at a small fine arts high school, so it wasn't that hard to find everybody. They've all done very well, except for a guy who has even more mental issues than me despite his incredible talents, and one or two who have passed away.


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22 Nov 2013, 3:34 pm

Fisplen wrote:
Well if You notice , it's usually the unpopular ones and the ' ugly ' ones that get the good stuff later in life , while the popular ones are usually dicks and won't get far later in life.

Karma? I don't know...


i wish that was true (don't corrupt this ;) )

i still am unable to "succeed" by society's values, while a real jerk gets the distinguished alumni award from the high school.



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22 Nov 2013, 4:13 pm

Yes, about every year or two I go online to see what (if anything) I can find about people from my past that I'm no longer in contact with. Though I have found that I typically do it when I am in an emotionally delicate state, and it rarely causes me to feel better about things. So, when possible I try to avoid doing it.