Parents say everything for me even though I can talk myself

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wiley2012
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24 Nov 2013, 11:38 am

For a long time my mom and dad have been trying to say everything for me instead of letting me talk myself. Even if I make a little mistake, my dad will sardonically say "OOPS!" for me in a very rude way. I really hate it, and my parents don't seem to care that I can talk myself. When we are around company and I try to speak, my parents will instead say what I wanted to say for me to the others, even if it's NOT what I wanted to say. It's like they are treating me like I have a huge mental retardation or something (they call it "commenting on me"). It really drives me crazy! I try to talk to my parents about it, but they don't like talking about it. (Matter of fact, they don't like talking about ANY of my problems with me.)

It also reminds me of the book "Double Fudge" by Judy Blume. There were these two "perfect" twin girls Flora and Fauna (I know) and their younger three-1/2-year-old brother, "Mini" Farley Drexel Hatcher. Most of the time, the girls will instead say everything for Mini, even though he is capable of talking himself, so instead he will growl and act like an animal because of it (when he's like that, Mini reminds me of a mentally-challenged person.) But when the girls leave for a sleepover with a friend, Mini starts talking for himself, surprising the others. Finally, near the end, this exchange occurs:

"I can talk, too," Mini announced to the Natural Beauties.
"We know you can," Flora said.
"But you don't have to ..." Fauna said.
"Because you have us," Flora said.
"No!" Mini shouted.
"What do you mean?" Fauna asked him.
"I think he means ..." Flora began.
"Stop!" Mini said.
"Stop?" Fauna asked.
"I can talk myself!"

"I guess he's growing up," Flora said.
"I guess he's not our baby brother anymore," Fauna agreed, sounding sad.

Anyone ever feel like this?



Toy_Soldier
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24 Nov 2013, 12:11 pm

My wife sometimes tries to complete my sentences for me. Very annoying. At some point you have to just get it thru to them that it is annoying and they do not in fact know what you are going to say. But with parents it can be more difficult because they can become very accustomed to thinking of you as the kid. In that case you are going to have to get accross to them that you are not a kid anymore as well.



OliveOilMom
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24 Nov 2013, 12:15 pm

I don't remember mine doing it more than probably any other parent would have up until I was about 12. I was pretty quiet and shy in most situations with strangers or those I didn't know well. I remember times when they would get it wrong though, but that was probably because their answer was more polite than what I wanted to say.

I've got 4 kids and if I found out my actions were causing one of them to feel like you do, I would do everything in my power to change what I do. I would suggest that you write out what you posted and give it to them, basically. I would change it so you write it to them and use the different pronouns but I'd keep it all in there, especially about how you feel when that happens. I would also definitely leave in the excerpt from the book. That really helps get your point across.



serenaserenaserena
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24 Nov 2013, 5:50 pm

This doesn't happen to me, but if it did, it would make me very angry.


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LilythMoon
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27 Nov 2013, 12:35 pm

Ah yes sounds like my family.
''Im so sorry, she doesnt know what she is saying, shes Autistic''
''I don't think you know what you really feel, you're autistic.''
''I wouldn't believe what she says, she is Autistic''
''I'll talk for you, you are Autistic''


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serenaserenaserena
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27 Nov 2013, 7:13 pm

LilythMoon wrote:
Ah yes sounds like my family.
''Im so sorry, she doesnt know what she is saying, shes Autistic''
''I don't think you know what you really feel, you're autistic.''
''I wouldn't believe what she says, she is Autistic''
''I'll talk for you, you are Autistic''


Wow, that sounds really mean. That must be bad.


_________________
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aspie score: 166 out of 200
officially diagnosed in 2013
~~~
Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
~~~