Am I high-risk for having an autistic child?

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Please don't judge me, but I'm in an early pregnancy and trying to decide whether or not to proceed or terminate. I'm 43, 30 lbs. overweight, and depressed. Prior to conceiving, I had a physical exam and was told all is well except for a severe Vitamin D deficiency. Surprise surprise and a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant before even taking any supplements.

My husband is the best, and we have a wonderful relationship. He is 40 and in good health. Together, we never decided to have a baby or not. We toyed with thinking it would be nice since we both have no living immediate family left, all are deceased so it's just the two of us. But we never made a decision since we are both procrastinators.

Well, now that I'm pregnant, we have been consumed with trying to make a decision. Again, since we have no family to depend on or speak with, it would just be the two of us. And together, despite our age, we are quite immature and used to our freedom with very little responsibility.

We are scared to death of having an autistic child, because we don't think we could handle it well. All early ultrasounds and bloodwork came back negative for any problems like Down's syndrome and the like. But there is no test for autism detection. Here is why we are so afraid:

-Both of us are over 40
-I conceived while being deficient in Vitamin D, and I still am despite supplements
-I am overweight
-I am depressed and in need of therapy, and possibly medication
-I am pretty sure both my parents had some degree of Aspergers
-husband has a learning disability, as did one of his parents and one of his grandparents

Doesn't all the above put us at a much greater risk of having an autistic child? I'm hoping to hear some opinions and get some much needed guidance and advice. Thank you all for reading my dilemma.

I'm confused. Are you autistic? Do you have the love to give and the ability to commit to raising a baby. Isn't there a greater likelihood that your baby will inherit your propensity towards depression rather than autism? I am autistic and glad I was born. There are autistics who wish they were not. There are NT's who are not.

Being a parent is serious business. Your perceptions might change as your pregnancy progresses. And, there are so many people who would love to adopt your baby. Good people who will love your baby no matter how creatively he is wired. I am glad I was not aborted, probably would have been better if my parents had put me up for adoption.though.

In my experience it's been at least partially related to genetics and drug usage.

I have several half-sisters through my father's side - 4 in total. 2 of them are autistic, making 3/5 children autistic. My father's family was slightly less than reputable and were previously addicted to all manner of dangerous substances.

You may have a slightly higher risk of having an autistic child, but it's probably lower than if there was any sort of long term drug addiction.

I'm depressed all the time, practically every day, but that has nothing to do with autism. I've just had a bad life and don't know how long that will last. Still, people have happy lives on the spectrum as long as they're surrounded by people who love them.

Having lived with autism for more than 50 years, I'm highly offended by the angst over the idea that your child might be different than the average.

You're asking this question among a membership comprised primarily of people who live with the very condition you're asking about, yet the implication is that you'd rather abort your child than have it turn out like one of us.

We may be different, but we are not intellectually impaired, nor insane. Many of us have had careers spanning decades, marriages and children of our own (many of whom are not autistic themselves). There are currently Hollywood celebrities and Internationally renowned scientists and scholars with the same diagnosis.

You couldn't live with a child who grew up to be a Noble Prize Laureate, if they happened to be a little insistent on their routines and awkward in social settings?

Even if there were an in utero test for autism, it wouldn't tell you where on the spectrum that child would be - Albert Einstein had HFA, thank goodness his mother didn't have the option to panic and destroy him.

You really should stop being such a worry wart.

So... what you really seem to want to know isn't :

mrsprocrastinator, let me start by saying that I am sorry you are dealing with so much stress right now. I know you're getting a lot of different responses, but if I may offer my two cents...

- I know it may seem like an insurmountable task at the moment, but don't fear the worst. It is easy to look at a family with a severely autistic child and wonder how you would be able to manage it, simply because it is not your current lifestyle. But right now, and from what I have read here, I don't know if there is any reason for you to worry about this circumstance more than any other person should.

- Even if your child were to end up on the spectrum, families adjust. Yes, some may struggle a bit, but from what I have seen and experienced, these families live and love like any other. Your neighbor and their family do not represent all (or even most) of families with autistic individuals. Plus, there is always help and services out there for those who are really struggling to care for their family/friends.

- I agree with vickygleitz on the matter of adoption. There are so many families out there longing for a child and I personally believe that adoption is the best and most loving thing a person can do for their child if they feel that they cannot care for them. And I know you mentioned that you feel like you would not be able to give a baby up. If that is the case, then I think that the child will have found a loving home already.

- Please do what you need to to address your depression. You should not have to deal with it on your own. Things may seem hopeless and confusing, but things will get better for you. Please do not let the fear of what may happen be what you focus on in all of this.

Lastly, I'm sorry my response has been so long-winded, but I certainly hope you'll consider what I've mentioned. I'm only trying to offer some help. Hang in there.