"Um..."

Post Reply New Topic

I'd like some clarification on what it means when someone, when responding to someone else, begins their sentence with "um". I'm not referring to normal speech when you are trying to think of what to say, I'm referring to typed responses such as in a forum like this.

Example:
Person 1: "I don't like crows because they were introduced here."
Person 2: "Um, actually nearly all crows are native, so..."

That tiny two letter word irritates me so much. I find it condescending (in an immature way). Is that its intent? Or do I have it wrong? Hoping some clarification might make me feel better about it. Currently I find it as cringe-worthy as "no offence, but..." and I think the two are actually quite similar in their meaning. Is one the abbreviated version of the other?

Perhaps you've been exposed too much to what we call the "Idiot Nerd Girl" lol.

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/idiot-nerd-girl

If it comes out of ^^ those types' mouth, than yes, it's condescending and even downright arrogant, which is why the meme exists really.

Um is what we say when we are thinking of an answer.

I can't think of any use of it in writing that isn't condescending, so yes, I think you have it right that it means the same thing as "no offence, but..."

Um..I think you'll find that you distaste for the word is irrelevant.

PS. personally, I tend to use it when I am about to say something I am not 100% sure about

The comic book forum I used to post in had a so-called "sigh and ummm ban" incorporated in its site rules. Basically, it was not allowed to start one's post with either 'Ummm...' or '>sigh<', because of the major abuse of these two words by people who were trying to put down other posters simply for not knowing something or getting something wrong. Similarly, use of the 'rolling eyes' emoticon was monitored warily by the moderators, and in general it was agreed among the posters that using it was a sign of condescension.

I personally think it depends on context. You can generally tell when someone is being nasty with their 'ummms', or not. Sometimes, the 'ummm' will represent genuine bemusement (or even non-hostile amusement) at the mistake or misunderstanding that has just happened. You can normally tell by the tone of the rest of the post(s).

Same here.

Um, actually, I completely agree with you, OP.

I agree with the OP. I think "um..." etc is often used to say that what you've just said is stupid or something. I don't like it and some other condescending responses.

It means "i'm so taken aback that you would say something that dumb that if this were a face-to-face spoken conversation I would be momentarily speechless". Which is ofcourse a put down.

In the context in your example it may be used to soften an argumentative response. To treat ones conversational partner more gently by offering the statement with less confidence. As opposed to the more direct “No” or “You're wrong” type of statements many of our kind are criticised for, which others tend to take as a personal assault. Of course, it can also be used as condescension. But then you need that magical ability of non-verbal communication to tell the difference.

While we may appreciate a direct and clear statement as aiding communication, in sociological terms a confident and direct projection can appear as an assertion of dominance. This then imposes upon the opponent to submit. If you watch people in conversion, often the person with the weaker, and false argument asserts dominance and the one with the superior argument concedes as an act of submission. The example can be an effort to make a counter argument without asserting dominance.

I thought it meant that the person using it wasn't entirely sure about what they were saying; Um is kind of the equivalent of Maybe.