I'm feeling suicidal.

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I just won an award, and a CEO of a multinational company gave me an offer to come work for his firm anytime, in front of an audience of 500 people.
And as a reward from my parents, I received screams and got told that I am an insult, and they also did the right thing by letting me know they are ashamed of me.
I try, but I am unable to talk to people. My parents started shouting at me about that, and when I tried to explain it to them in terms of my Aspergers, they said there is nothing such as Aspergers, its just an imaginative 'disease', and that my official diagnosis means nothing at all to them. I am just a bad person and think that I am better than everyone else and act rudely towards others to express that.
If they actually ever cared enough about me, they'd notice that my blank face is blank not because I am a rude as*hole, but because I am trying to cover up my emotions. Its not like I am the happiest person in the world when I am bullied everyday, have no friends at all, and nobody cares about me or likes me. They've failed to recognize any of my cries for help.
They also think that all of my achievements mean nothing. All they care about is the academics, and they say I will have to do as they say. I would have killed myself a lot sooner if I hadn't been attracted by technology, but I guess thats what my parents want.

[post and thread edited by TallyMan. It is against the forum guidelines to seek advice on how to kill yourself. It is also against the forum guidelines for members to give such advice!! !! !! !]

I can't say that I know how you feel, but I know that killing yourself is not a good solution. My mother, too, screams at me for the symptoms of my "imaginary mental disease", but I know that your struggles are real. I have questioned myself, wondering whether or not I was faking asperger's, but I know that I am not.
I know that you think it is your only option, but it is not even on the list. You need to soldier on, even though you feel like that is impossible.
I do not know you, but I care. I think it is amazing the accomplishment you have made with your job.
You are important. I care. It gets better.
Take the job from the CEO. The people there will value you.
I also recommend you phone a hotline and seek professional help immediately.

You need to be warned that the human body does not die peacefully. Evolution over tens of thousands of years has put in our genes a desire to live at any cost. Indeed, we are descended from the primates who were most ruthless about winning and staying alive at all and any cost. That's likely why every human society rewards sociopaths and bullies, and desires to weed out the "weak". Even if you succeed in killing yourself, it will take anywhere from 12 hours to at the most 2-3 WEEKS for your body to quit. Poison is the worst-your liver gradually fails over several weeks, giving you lots of time to reconsider. If you live, you will be even more disabled than you are now. Carbon monoxide doesn't always work too well, and you will likely end up severely brain damaged. You said no weapons, so I won't discuss shooting or stabbing yourself. I won't tell you "don't do it", you'll get plenty of that. I just wanted to let you know that unless you can somehow stop your heart in mid-beat, every method leaves you either a) lingering painfully for a while b) severely disabled/a vegetable or c) both.

I know your pain. I know it seems insufferable and eternal. It isn't.

You're in a very dark and unhappy place right now and that place is agonizing, but you can come out the other side. Life is a series of cycles and there's eventually an up for every down.

Once you achieve some fiscal independence and gain your freedom from your parents, most of the stress and misery you're experiencing right now will dissipate.

You've got a lot of positive experiences still to be enjoyed, don't rob yourself of those by giving up before you get to them. You can be stronger than you realize you can be, just hold on and keep working toward escaping the situation your life is in, not from life itself.

BTW, don't let any bully ever make you think AS isn't real. The whole reason this website exists and is so successful, is because there are many, many of us who come here to share our thoughts and feelings about the difficulties that WE ALL SHARE. We can't all be imagining the same disorder. I was dealing with these handicaps for more than forty years before I discovered they even had a name. Being nameless didn't make them less real.

Because my disabilities didn't have a name, I, too had to deal with family, teachers and employers who thought all my problems were imaginary and I was just a lazy, stubborn slacker when I would try to tell them what I was experiencing. In spite of their lack of support, and my struggles, I managed to have a life of my own and a career doing something I loved. It was never easy, but it was worth doing. Your soldiering through this horrible patch will be worth it, too.

Keep focused on the next step, the one that will get you away from the people and things that are holding you back and keeping you down. Do not listen to them, they are ignorant and closed-minded. Don't allow their dreadful attitudes to steal your hope and your creative energy. You've got better things to do than listen to that abusive nattering.

Please don't hurt yourself because your parents are as*holes. They certainly sound like as*holes and like they have no idea of reality. They are the ones with the problem here, not you. Yes, you have AS but as you know, that's a real disorder. They on the other hand, seem to just want to act like douchebags.

It sounds to me like you have a good life ahead of you and lots of opportunities. Don't throw that away just because of them. It won't make them realize you were right if you do that. They will just turn it around into them being the victim. You win by making the most of your opportunities and succeeding at what you want to do, no matter what they want you to do. Don't let them win by their jackassery making you do something like this!

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Don't do it. Don't give your parents the satisfaction. You have a very bright future ahead of you.

I strongly suggest that you do not harm yourself or make any firm plans to "end it all", trust me it is not worth it. The Samaritans say that killing yourself is often a lasting "solution" to a shortlived problem.

I would advise you to take up the CEO on the job offer, it could well do you the world of good.

If you feel tempted to end your life or have strong urges to harm yourself, I would suggest you contact a emergency mental health provider. If you do not know how to contact one then phone 911 and explain to the operator how you are feeling. I am sure that they will know what to do with you.

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Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Sorry. I can't give you advice like this.

If you're at least 17, what about getting on a bus or a plane and heading out to another relative? They may like the idea of helping a younger relative. In a letter maybe something like ' . . beginning to think that maybe I need someplace else.' People here are good at gaming out situations, thinking of ways of being honest enough in some broad middle path, without giving away the store.

True, at age 17, you're not yet the age of majority. But if your parents file one motion and the other relatives a defense or counter motion, I really think a judge would be hesitant to send a seventeen year old to where he or she doesn't want to be. This is something I wish someone had suggested to me when I was seventeen and things got bad. I am not a lawyer but at the very least, I think this method has some potential.

My dad is kind of the anti-aspie. My mom is passive and usually goes along, even though she's probably on the spectrum herself, which is a sad and pitiful situation. Your family might be somewhat similar, although it sounds like they're worse.

I had to write only because I hate to see people in such dire straits. I can relate to it because I've been there a few times before. I even attempted suicide once and ended up in a psych hospital for two months. In any case, keep your self alive. There's always the hope that things will improve.

Don't kill yourself. Instead, take up the CEO on his offer.

Think of how having a successful job far from your parents will vindicate all of your efforts, and prove them wrong about every bad thing they've ever said about you.

why dont you take that job, leave your parents a message saying "go f**k yourself" and change your number so they cant find you? possibly go too the butcher and order some pig entrails, send them to them labeled *you name here*'s remains?

My dad sounds a lot like your parents and as far as I'm concerned he is getting very little support from me in his latter years if I am involved at all.

As much as I like having the suicide option as a last resort, that's obviously not the problem here. You're so called parents bicker at you when you don't even deserve it. Unless there is something we are missing here, you have not done anything intentionally evil, so there's no reason to think that they have the right to think of you that way. Speaking of academics, after you get your first job, especially from that CEO offer, nobody is going to look for your school grades in a resume. Rather, interviewers will simply check what schools you graduated from and what occupations you have taken. Basically, if I were you, I'd live in an apartment and tell your folks off. If they are not treating you right, you have no obligation to give them any treatment even if they are your elders.

Sounds like you're parents are jealous of your success and are trying to cut you down to size so they can feel superior. If the CEO offered you a job, and they and you are happy with your work, take the job and ask the CEO to help you to find a place to live. After that I'd tell your parents to do the lateral arabesque, or the horizontal lambada (whatever floats their boats). You also might want to employ some Irish diplomacy. (Irish diplomacy is the art of telling a person to go to Hell in a way that they would enjoy the trip )

There is absolutely no easy, painless or risk free way of killing yourself. please seek some professional help. How long have you had your dx? I know having aspergers can be absolute torture but there are also wonderful aspects to it like your interest in tech. I have felt like ending it all before but am pleased i never have. Things can get better. What aspects of technology interest you the most? <<HUGS>>

Members are reminded that it is against the forum guidelines to seek advice on how to commit suicide or to give such advice. This thread has been edited removing such advice!