Really confused about what/who i am..

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I am having serious gender and sexuality issues and it's taking over my life! Do any other asperger people have problems with these?

Firstly there's gender. I was always content with my gender growing up, i never really thought about it. Only in the past few years has it become an issue, i'm 17. There's the problem with my 'downstairs' i feel really uncomfortable about it and can never bare to touch it. Like any teenager i get sexual feelings and have invented a way to masterbate that doesn't involve putting my hands on my vagina at all . I started buying mens clothes and chest binders and dressing in them when i'm alone. The thing is i have feminine intrests - fashion and magazines. I like being friends with girls and prefer talking to women. I even quite like wearing make up sometimes and dressing feminine.

I'm attracted to men but whenever i see a gay man i feel really awkward and embarrassed and then really jealous. If i think about it enough i even start to feel depressed because that's who i want to be and who i want to be with. I hate the thought of having sex with a man in a women's body.

I told my mum these feelings and she was really mad about it. She said that if i was trans i would have wanted to be a boy from the moment i was born and to stop pretending because i'm a girl and that's it. She said she's always seen me as a lesbian because of my masculine side but i'm not attracted to girls sexually. I think some are really pretty and respect them but i have no romantic or sexual desires towards them.

I know i sound really confused and it's embarrassing . I hope people won't judge me on this post. Thanks for any advice!

My advice would be to stop fixating on titles.

You will always be you...whether you look different, dress different, or change your name to the opposite gender. Love who you want to love.

You are wonderful and perfect just the way you are!

You're definitely not alone in being neither "classic trans" nor cisgender. I think that, just as people can be physically intersex, people can be "in-between" in terms of gender (even if most people are definitely one or the other, just as most people are not intersex). Maybe you're trans, maybe you're cis, but you might be all sorts of other things - maybe "bigender" (switching between genders rather than having a fixed identity), maybe "crossdreamer" (a fetish for transforming into/having sex as the opposite sex, but otherwise being mostly cis), a crossdresser, an extreme tomboy who happens to be straight, etc.
Anyway, welcome and remember there's nothing wrong with what you're feeling, even if it's not always accepted (sorry to sound preachy).

I know people far older than you who are having questions,

I don't think there has to be a particular age that you MUST decide that you have to transition for it to be real. One friend is in her twenties and still unsure. Another I knew before did not transition until in her thirties (she was declared male at birth)

I guess since your mother has doubts you have to wait until you are on your own and can see your own therapist.