Page 1 of 2 [ 17 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,392
Location: Near London United Kingdom

12 Jan 2014, 11:49 am

Why are women treated with so much more courtesy and politeness than us men?

Us men are people with feelings too :(



DarkRain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2013
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,657
Location: Hissing in your ear

12 Jan 2014, 1:07 pm

It's called "chivalry".



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,392
Location: Near London United Kingdom

12 Jan 2014, 2:39 pm

DarkRain wrote:
It's called "chivalry".



f**k that more like sexism/favouritism.



justkillingtime
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,954
Location: Washington, D.C.

12 Jan 2014, 2:57 pm

I believe it originated in the dark ages before the age of enlightenment. It is interesting it did not fade away.


_________________
Impermanence.


Khoma
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jun 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 63
Location: Netherlands

12 Jan 2014, 3:12 pm

I have no idea how we came to be in a society where men are not allowed feelings and where young boys are routinely told to man up or grow some balls. But I'm not a fan of it.



coffeebean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Oct 2013
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 769
Location: MN, US

12 Jan 2014, 8:34 pm

Jamesy wrote:
DarkRain wrote:
It's called "chivalry".


f**k that more like sexism/favouritism.


Not a fan of it myself for a number of reasons. Most telling is the fact there are many people who need special consideration and aid more than I as a woman do. They’re called children, the homeless, the sick, and the suffering. Choosing to give it to me based on my sex and thinking of oneself as noble for it says a lot about one's sense of honor and kindness...



catwhisperer
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 160
Location: New York

13 Jan 2014, 1:22 pm

A lot of theories on this out there...if you look cross culturally, some cultures will have a certain sector of the population show deference in public to another sector, but then the roles are often switched around at home. So while the man might hold the door or pull out the chair for the woman in public, she is then expected to wait on him and obey him at home.



mouthyb
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 5 Aug 2013
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 323
Location: Somewhar dusty and hot.

13 Jan 2014, 5:46 pm

There's a relevant phenomena called benevolent sexism, a subsection of this: ambivalent sexism

The gist is that some forms of sexism reinforce the idea that the genders are so fundamentally different that certain forms of treatment are called for by the fundamental differences in the genders. Men are supposed to be less capable of having or expressing emotions. Because of this, men are called on and taught to suppress most of their emotions (anger, revenge, gloating or sexual pleasure appear to be the exceptions). If men defy this set of social requirements, they suffer punishment, ranging from teasing and/or bullying to potentially being killed.

The interesting thing about benevolent sexism is that it appears to be positive (affirming one's gender identity and/or offering comforting routines for dealing with life events) or even sometimes complimentary. In some ways, that's why it sucks the most--it looks like you're being complemented for some strength, but the converse (eg not showing that strength) is almost always punished.


_________________
RAADS-R: 181
Eye Expression Test: 19
Alexithymic: Please explain conclusions if asked

The feels are shipped in by train once a week--Friday, I'm in love.


jugbandblues
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 2 Aug 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 15

15 Jan 2014, 8:38 am

I believe it started at a time where women were tought to be weaker, more sensible and less intelligent than men, and therefore needed to be protected and couldn't do things by themselves (except for the cooking and raising children part). You might think it's favoritism FOR women, but I think it started with the idea that we were weak and that "chivalry" just conveys (word-to-word translation from french, hope you get the idea) that stereotype. I don't think I ever expected a special treatment in a relationship or at a job.. And I find it quite awkward when guys hold the door for me with that wierd smile saying "you must think I'm suuuuch a nice guy" or whatever.....

Also, stereotypes go in both ways, and I'm often criticized for being less polite/sensible/empathic/well-dressed/princess than most girls (which are Aspie traits anyways, but I think that looking messy is more criticized for a girl... might be wrong tough). I already had a job where people talked behind my back for being "manly" 'cause I carried heavy boxes (which was part of my job) instead of asking my male colleagues to do it -_-' .


_________________
English is not my first language; pardon my mistakes and correct them if you feel like it.


Wafflemarine
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Aug 2013
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 182
Location: Minnesota, Eagan

15 Jan 2014, 10:04 am

My family was always bad for this, got all brothers and mostly male cousins and being told to toughen up is the main form of support.

I think people make most of their problems because of assumptions, they think not showing emotions means a guy is in control of himself and stable even though it tends to create the opposite. Just another way people create more problems by trying to think of ways to put less thought into life.


_________________
Stories are much tidier then real life. Stories have neat, happy endings, but all you ever really get is unfinished business.
Life's so much easier when you got someone to blame.


Geekonychus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Nov 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,660

15 Jan 2014, 10:39 am

I don't give women special treatment. Chivalry does neither gender any favors. There's no need for it when you believe in the golden rule.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,619
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

16 Jan 2014, 3:25 am

Khoma wrote:
I have no idea how we came to be in a society where men are not allowed feelings and where young boys are routinely told to man up or grow some balls. But I'm not a fan of it.
Because of stereotyping based on hormone differences between the sexes. Men are more aggressive due to testosterone & women are more emotional due to estrogen.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

16 Jan 2014, 4:08 am

Because men get the tradeoff off being taken more seriously and being seen as actual adult people.


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


thewhitrbbit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 May 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,124

16 Jan 2014, 11:34 am

I don't think anyone is saying men aren't allowed to have feelings. It is true that men have a higher threshold for when they can show their feelings, but they can have them. I've seen plenty of situations were men have cried and no one has looked down on them.

Men used to be respectful to each other as well; it was called being a gentleman.



cavernio
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Aug 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,462

16 Jan 2014, 1:24 pm

I dunno but I think because I'm a woman who is attracted to men I'm more likely to be nicer to and think better of men. I kinda think of chivalry as the same thing. *shrug*

If I'm the way most women are too, then this has nothing to do with sexism and everything to do with attraction, and this whole conversation has obviously been started from a masculine viewpoint.


_________________
Not autistic, I think
Prone to depression
Have celiac disease
Poor motivation


jerry00
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

16 Jan 2014, 3:09 pm

Men aren't allowed to complain. The implication is you either find a way to improve things or shut up. But occasionally all we really need is a small amount of sympathy.