Issues juggling priorities...

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This may require a small amount of context, so I'll provide that first.

I was only diagnosed with Asperger's in May of last year, so obviously at the end of the academic year. I was only diagnosed because I FINALLY gave in and went to a psychiatrist after having spent basically my entire life feeling weird, different, depressed, and unable to deal with people. When I was in school and living at home, things weren't so bad because I could ignore my classmates who I didn't know how to deal with, and go home at the end of the day, and not worry. But when I got to university, suddenly people I didn't know how to deal with, and who stressed me out were around me all the time, and this caused problems, and I became depressed because of the problems it caused, and couldn't study because of my depression, which was especially annoying because I'm at university studying physics, my specialist subject. When I got into university to do it, I remember I once cried from happiness, because I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have this opportunity.

So, as you may have guessed, I failed my first attempt at my first year, but thankfully here in the UK the whole system has a lot of compassion for all types of disabilities and students with them, so I was allowed to suspend the year, in a fashion that means I'm not technically retaking the year, merely that the first time I did it sort of didn't count.

Anyway, context given, the issue I have this year is that, although I now live with people who don't cause quite so much mutual rubbing up the wrong way as was the case last year, and I feel a lot happier in general, I'm more comfortable etc. I still have an issue with depression, because I simply cannot juggle things well enough.

I struggle to study, AND take care of myself, AND not seem like a total weirdo to everyone and fail to make friends because of it.

It's like one of those triangle diagrams you see where it says to pick two of three.

I EITHER do well in my degree, and make friends, but continually forget to shower, eat, brush my teeth, sleep etc. and become ill and unable to do the first two because I'm ill. OR I take care of myself, don't become ill, and make friends, OR I do well in my degree, don't become ill, but make no friends and get depressed because of that...

For the coming semester, I want to pick the last one, because historically friends have never been a huge deal to me, I guess, and I have a girlfriend now, so pretty much all of my intimate interaction needs are met by her, and EXTREMELY well might I add, she's like an angel, she truly is the John to my Sherlock. However, I'm afraid of alienating myself from people by picking the last one, and I'm more afraid that I might realise that I actually care whether or not I've alienated myself from people...

Now the pertinent questions are:

1: Does anyone else feel the same way? Id est, can you relate?

2: Has anyone who does feel the same way found some sort of way around it? Is it possible to do all three? I feel like I'd freak out entirely if I tried doing all three, it's just more than I can handle.

3: Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?

Thanks guys

The only advice I can suggest would be to try to set up a good routine to address the bathing.

I felt the same way at the beginning; I couldn't manage to study and try to work on relationships. Remember, a routine is an aspies best friend. Get up at the same time everyday, even on weekends if you can, shower and brush your teeth at the same time everyday, and study as consistently as you can. Having a routine will help you remember to bath and such, and having a routine down will help keep you feel more in control and more comfortable at school.
As far as dealing with people, I actually felt that college was better than high school because I didn't have to be in class and around people as much. After class I always go back to my dorm where it's quiet and I don't have to interact with anyone. I also wear headphones nearly all the time. It helps to block out the day to day noise of college kids. If where you are living is simply too loud to study in see if you can find someplace quiet and secluded you can go to, i.e. at the library here there are study rooms that are almost never in use.
Though it is difficult (at least for me) to study subjects in shorter increments of time, try to do it instead of long study sessions. It feels unnatural but it does learn more and makes your study schedule more flexible if necessary. You can study when you only have a little time instead of waiting until you have several hours to do it, which in college doesn't happen too often. I find it also helps to have a calendar with all you assignments written on there due dates so you know exactly what work you have and what kind of time you have.
I wouldn't say that I really know how to make friends but I have a couple here so I'll give it a try. At the beginning I thought I could make friends by talking to people in class but I have not found that to work. In class one should really be paying attention so there really isn't time to chat with anyone. The friends I have are the people that continued to try to engage me even though I tended to avoid them. When people try to involve you in something, do it if you can even if you think you likely won't enjoy it. You may like them or you may like someone else there, who knows. Also you girlfriend almost certainly has friends, if you spend time with them you might make a friend yourself and it's less pressure on you to talk because they are her friends.
Most importantly, don't push yourself too hard. Sounds obvious but can be difficult to do. At times when you become overwhelmed don't try to push through it, just stop and take a break. This helped me more than anything. Just go for a walk or something, it will help you calm down so you can better deal with whatever it is that is stressing you out. Trying to study or do homework when you feel overwhelmed will just cause your stress level to build and make things more difficult.
If you are still concerned about having too much to deal with, perhaps taking fewer credits this time will help you adjust a little bit better.

Yes, I can relate. Going from undergrad to grad school my study schedule doubled, so I had to make similar choices.



No, I have not found a work around. It seems you have good self awareness. If you feel like you will probably freak out then you likely will.



Pick #3, and be very grateful to have your girlfriend in your life to help with your social needs.

Cheers.

Hey all,

I'm studying a Master of Design in Sydney Australia and I am actually looking into support for scheduling/self-management for adolescents and young adults with ASD. I am NT myself and have a nephew who is on the spectrum and coming up to high school within a few years.

I've noticed that there are loads of resources for parents and carers of children with ASD but not a lot out there to help young adults and adults manage their time for better study outcomes. So, I'm looking at developing a product or service that might be able to help with this.

I was hoping I could get your feedback or input.

If I were to create an ipad or portable device app to help manage all those things that you mentioned were competing for your attention, what features would you find most useful? Calendars? Scheduling? TImers? Reminders? (just a few suggestions)
Are there any apps that you use at the moment? What are the best features of these? Is there any functionality that would make your current system perfect (whether it be electronic or not)?

I hope that you can spare 5 mins to jot down a few ideas. PM me if you prefer. I genuinely appreciate any little tips or hints that you can think of...they'll likely spawn a whole new idea!

Thanks so much for your time. Hopefully I can develop this into something that's truly useful and let you know all about it.

Cheers,
D