What causes your misery, that you've been unable to share?

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Can you list things that make you deeply unhappy, that you feel is the source of your misery (if you are indeed miserable), that you've been unable to share w/ others due to a possible verbal backlash or stigma?

Are there things that make you unhappy about this world, that you are ashamed to tell others, or that you've already expressed but felt like people didn't listen?

Here is my list:

1. There is pressure to act as though everything is fine and dandy all the time. You can't show your true feelings. If you are depressed, you have to hide it. If you don't, people will distance themselves from you.

2. A general sense of meaninglessness. The idea of 'creating your own meaning' is unsatisfactory emotionally to me. I feel like my suffering has no meaning in this gaping, indifferent abyss.

3. People don't have enough time or willingness to help. I've frequently had issues that could have used the help of someone else, but people just don't have the time. (As a person with AS, I'm frequently overwhelmed by daily life, but even people in a position to help (professionals) do not have the time to really help)

4. Unbearable loneliness. Loneliness is a unique kind of pain; one that causes a horrible anxiety in the gut, a horrible pain all over; it is indescribable. (I guess this is when many people turn to a higher power - but I simply can't seem to make that work for me )

5. People aren't trusting enough. I have often wanted to meet people and cut through the crap of small talk and see if they wanted to hang out. But there are too many barriers. Trust barriers. Many times, I fear I've met a potential 'soulmate' of a friend or even an Aspie in passing, but due to the barriers of trusting strangers and the need to go through the conventional rituals to open up to people - these opportunities have vanished. The world would be a much happier place (IMHO) if people could say what they are really thinking and feeling...

6. People lie too much. I've had countless experiences of people lying to cover their own behind or because they didn't want to hurt my feelings, only to be perplexed at their eventual sudden disappearance.

7. People rarely follow through or keep their word. (This is self-explanatory)

(I'm aware that I may be a hypocrite here, as I've been unable to 'say what I truly feel', namely the above, in my deepest, darkest moments of despair....

I can't ever show that I'm angry because my family thinks that it is always just me over-reacting.

I can't mention important bad issues relating to people on the autism spectrum because people think of me as being paranoid.

I can't say that I'm lonely because everyone assumes that I can make friends if I try even harder.

I can perfectly relate to the first one. It feels that generally in social situations we are expected to be far more frivolous and casual in what we wish to talk about as opposed to opening up and expressing how we truly feel. I always picture in my mind a society where we can all shout out in the street and scream and it is perfectly acceptable- a world where emotion is no longer accepting and people even in the street can tell each other how they feel. After all(and it sounds cheesy) but we are all on this spinning sphere and in a way suffer the same struggles because of genetic archetypes within the collective mind. I can perfectly see where you are coming from on this one.

What I find frustrating is the fact that I feel like I have gone to far in my life to ever get a sense of originality back in my sense of self. I am completely fascinated with children at the moment since they are so free and expressive, they do what they will. They are the true, creative anarchists of the world though they can be very irritating and make quite a few aspies I have met feel very uncomfortable. I feel like so many of the ideas that we think are our own have actually been force fed to us through various institutions. People often say that psychosis is defined by thinking that thoughts are being placed in your head and that they are not your own but isn't this the case with most people if not everyone? Everyone has been a victim of the cultural conditioning process of our society and it upsets me to think that I am like a three-dimensional hologram generated by my society. That is what upsets me.

It also upsets me that people do not create more in their lives. People should spend more time making music, art and poetry. The people who gave you the culture you feed off are no smarter than the rest of us I believe. People should not be apathetic consumers of cultures.

Anyway, i hope you feel better. I agree about the meaning thing as well that you say. I think it is both though. I think we do create our own meaning but then again some meanings are objectively easier to make than others. I hope my post makes sense and I do not sound like a pretentious d***.

Because I can't make connections the way others do, they forget that I exist and thoughtlessly drive their lives right over me. They clearly don't consider that their actions might affect me, nor do they care. I am not on their radar.

If I complain about the pain they've caused me, it's always me being an @$$h0le, they can never see nor acknowledge that they've done anything wrong, it's all somehow my fault and I'm just creating a conflict out of thin air to be difficult and annoying.

On rare occasions, they may concede something to placate me and get me to shut up, but they never do it because I'm justified to feel what I feel, or because they've done anything wrong. Gods forbid anyone should ever apologize to this @$$h0le. I should be grateful that they even acknowledge me long enough to respond.

I relate to everything in the OP, and in a nutshell, I'd just say that I'm supposed to care and intuit everyone else's feelings, and be sensitive to them, always be cheerful, positive and polite, but everyone else {or society at large} doesn't give a rat's azz about MY feelings. I'm supposed to just smile and 'take it'. I'll never ever understand that.

I've actually had people argue that my feelings are 'wrong",.... omg? really?

The fact that 90% of my attempts to socialize or make friends fail. That and the lack of people who share my interests and views.

Loneliness. I enjoy boardgames and table-top role-playing games, and I live in a world full of people that favor video games and smartphone apps instead. Finding 4 or 5 people with the same interests and work schedule as mine -- even around Anaheim -- and who are about the same age as I is like searching for the proverbial "needle in a haystack". My kids are more than a thousand miles away, so it's just my wife and I, and she is busy working toward her own Master's Degree. While we both have plenty of friends, none of them share my interests.

Harassment. There are people around here who seem to delight in seeing how much provocation it takes to trigger my anger. "Oh, that's just them, so learn to deal with it" is the only remedy being offered. I am seriously considering some long-standing offers from other R&D centers in the Irvine area. Plus, some others seem to think that any tools and equipment assigned to me are available for them to use at will, and without informing me -- I'll go to look for a line analyzer and find out that it is on someone else's truck, about 70 miles away.

Parentage. My dad was an abusive, bigoted drunk ... enough said ...

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This. The loneliness is killing me. Makes me feel like a complete failure. I do pray about it. Don't know what else to do.