My 6 year opiate addiction*

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My opiate use started at 17 (im now almost 23). Initially I was drawn to codeine due to the profound effect it had on my anxiety and social functioning. It felt like a benediction from Mt. Olympus; a visitation from Bacchus himself. I justified my use by comparing myself to Samuel Taylor Coleridge Mary Robinson and other renowned opiate addicts. I reasoned that if they could lead functional productive lives while "strung out" so could I.

For the next 5 years my mild use varied in intensity. At its highest point I was using opium daily followed by periods on maintenance programs when the "Junky ritual" became too much to sustain financially/emotionally.

Perhaps the most compelling rationalisation was that opiates are generally seen as harmless. In comparison to say amphetamines or cocaine.... yes they are. However opiates have been implicated in a whole variety of neurological insults from grey white matter thinning to reduction of long term potentiation in the synapses (mediates learning and memory)

My mind is all I have. My sense of identity and self is mediated through it. The prospect that I could have damaged my potential is harrowing. Ive spent over an hour scouring pub med and pulling up study after study showing quantitative evidence that opiates affect learning and memory.

This is my greatest fear. Im now living out a scenario that has terrified me for the past decade. Im literally lving my worst nightmare. I dont think that I can possibly go on with the weight of this upon me.

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/710 ... n-deficits

The above thread is the result of an hour or so's research into opiate mediated neurotoxicity. Somehow this all escaped me for 6+ years. I repeatedly soothed myself with self delusion and lies. Turns out im going to have to pay the piper in full measure. What I cant pay in sweat and tears i'll pay in blood.

Last edited by binaryodes on 24 Jan 2014, 4:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

the ability for the brain to heal is staggering. i know well the urge to use opiates. being that you are relatively young is definitely in your favor.
i hope you find some other way to sooth your anxiety, exercise can provide a similar result to the feelings of opiates. 'kicking' the habit brrrrrr
its not easy to say the least, but you will notice HUGE benefits in regards to memory retention and problem solving abilities. i would suggest a supervised withdrawal program rather than cold turkey. (((((hugs))))
good luck, you can do it!

Six years is more then a 'fling'. Sounds more like you are an addict. The damage done is moot while you still do it. Focus on kicking the habit first.

Decreased neurogenesis in the hippocampus is reversible. In fact, it's naturally modulated all the time, i.e. long-term exposure to stress hormones can lower it dramatically. It's even been found that various drugs/substances increase n.g. in the hippocampus, i.e. resveratrol and all antidepressants. People with PTSD or tumors that give them high stress hormone levels show hippocampal atrophy, but it normalizes when they get better/treated.

Intermittent fasting and the resulting ketogenic state are also supposed to be very beneficial. I essentially lived off coconut oil and intermittent fasting for a period of a few months and the overall effect on my mental clarity and functioning was profound. Ketogenesis and Caloric Restriction initiate the release of BDNF which has been implicated in the neurogenesis that takes place in the dentate Gyrus


I should count myself lucky that my usage has always been tightly controlled for financial reasons. Ive always limited my intake and exercised various measures when I noticed my tolerance escalating. As a consequence my doses have consistently been low.

Which opiates are you using? Is it just codeine?