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babybird
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25 Jan 2014, 12:15 pm

I was wondering why many people who get late diagnoses have problems with being able to approach there parents and telling them?

I don't mean to be ignorant but as a person who has never really had much of a family, I do find this puzzling.

I am a parent myself and I would be devastated for my daughter if I felt she was so tormented by such a cruel condition, I would not hesitate to support her. I certainly wouldn't deny her of it.


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ZombieBrideXD
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25 Jan 2014, 12:29 pm

Parents do not like hearing their child has AS or HFA, especially if its not obvious, i know my dad didnt like hearing it at all, but once he started listening to me and my psychologist, he didnt see any proof against HFA or AS. some parents tend not to support it and start becoming defensive,


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babybird
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25 Jan 2014, 12:43 pm

It just makes me feel as though some people are made to feel ashamed of having something that they cannot change.

It must be so frustrating.


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25 Jan 2014, 1:36 pm

My parents were actually the ones who first suspected it when I was about 16 or 17, so they never had issues with coming to grips with it; if anything, I was the one who had problems accepting it. I remember the first time my parents sat me down and explained what Aspergers was (my first reaction was laughing at the name, "ass-burgers", which my parents thought was a bizarre reaction but how else was an immature 16-17 y/o going to react to that?), and finding it downright insulting that they would think of me as "socially crippled" (as I thought of it back then). Even though it was staring me right in the face, I swept the issue under the rug and carried on as if I was a perfectly normal, socially functioning human being (which I was anything but). Took me a good 4 or 5 years when it got to the point that I couldn't ignore it anymore (the inability to make close friends, communication issues with my parents, etc) that I finally had the maturity to come to terms with it.

I feel very fortunate in that my parents did me a huge favor in the end by bringing it to my attention (which allowed me to become a better self-observer and hone in on areas that needed improvement), but it's sad how much of a disservice some parents do to their kids by approaching it with denial or flat-out hostility.


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bumble
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25 Jan 2014, 1:38 pm

If I had a child who was afraid to come to me with such information I'd be hurt about it. I'd accept and love my child no matter what and I'd have no problem with them having an ASD at all. I'd hope they could come to me about anything..



Last edited by bumble on 25 Jan 2014, 2:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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25 Jan 2014, 2:36 pm

I can't speak for anyone else but for me it was not a matter of being ashamed to tell them. But I had to tell them very delicately and I had to prepare myself for the worst which kind of happened. Well, I have had worse things happen and it was not as bad as others have said when they told their families, but my parent's first reaction was denial and trying to convince me that I was wrong. They felt they knew better than I did because they had never figured it out. They had often told me about a friend who's kid has Asperger's and they had always expected me to feel sympathetic. I have never met the kid and was not close to the friend so I did not feel much of anything towards him except that he is a cute kid from his picture. But hearing that I am on the Spectrum was kind of a shock to them and they had a hard time with it because they know this other kid who has it and he is "disabled". And they have another special needs child already so the thought of having a second "disabled" child was bit much even though I don't need them to take care of me as a disabled person. But psychologically it was hard for them. For years they would tell me, "This friend's kid has Autism so he has issues but look at how wonderful he is despite that." But when I announced it it was like, "NOOOO, you can't possibly have that!! !"

So it's not that I could ever be ashamed to tell them, it's just that their initial reaction was not the most favorable and it kind of hurt. And they still don't really get it and I have to be prepared that they might never get it and that kind of hurts too.


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babybird
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25 Jan 2014, 2:55 pm

When I first dot my diagnosis I remember crying. I cried because I thought I had something that I could get a cure for and then I learnt that there is no cure.

And I also cried because I felt so guilty that I could have passed it through to my daughter.

I wonder if some parents feel a sense of guilt and that is why they live in denial?


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aspieornotaspie
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25 Jan 2014, 3:14 pm

I'm not certain if I have aspergers or not, but I'm sure I have social and communication problems.

I think my mom might know or suspect that I have it, but she never told anything to me, not even a clue. But somehow I suspect she knows about it. Even them, if one day i get diagnosed, I would be ashamed to tell her, and probably wouldn't know how to do it.

On the other side, having these issues, I'm afraid to have children and not being able to communicate properly with them, that is one main reason I'm concerned about having children.



RikkiK
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25 Jan 2014, 3:14 pm

maltreatment by parents, for me.

also, the reigning as*hole in my house doesn't even believe ADD exists.



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25 Jan 2014, 3:17 pm

^^I can see how that could be frustrating for you.

What do you do in order to cope with that type of treatment then, if you don't mind me asking?


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25 Jan 2014, 11:31 pm

It wasn't too hard for me since some of my sister's children are autistic, but my father wanted to deny that any of my autism could have come from him and that it all must be from my mother's side of the family.



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26 Jan 2014, 12:12 am

Well for me, my dad is one of those people that lives almost religiously under any saying that conveys the meaning 'Man up, get over it', which to an extent is good but it means that he passes things like Asperger's off as bad manners, inexperience and basically any other word that would demean the fact that it is actually a legitimate condition. Essentially, it would be like having a tumor in your body and he'd tell you to work it off by changing your diet and exercising more etc.

My mum accepts the possibility, but secretly I can tell that she doesn't believe anything like having Asperger's could ever be true and I'm not sure why. When I told her what it was and not to tell anyone my concerns of the possibility she went on to tell about 10 people that I was having 'communication issues' with complete disregard for anything else I had told her. They then tried to lecture me while putting on a 'kind' face.. really, really frustrating.


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26 Jan 2014, 12:23 am

I told my mum straight away. She said, 'Yeah, I thought so.'


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