34...and newly diagnosed

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To be honest, I don't quite know where to start - I received my diagnosis yesterday morning. And like many of you, it felt like a very long road, which required a great deal of persistence. Mine started with concerns that we (married for almost 12 years) had for our son...and as we did more and more reading, I could tell that the similarities between the traits we were reading about and myself were more than just a coincidence.

It took a while to find someone locally that worked with adults. Even my family physician (who wanted to diagnose me as bi-polar) sent me to a psychiatrist who dismissed me altogether. My wife was quite shocked at how little time he spent with us. But I eventually found someone locally who was willing to spend the necessary time with me over my concerns.

The only person I have shared my diagnosis with has been my older sister - I still can't figure out how to tell my wife (she wasn't able to be at my last session due to work requirements).

I wouldn't be surprised if your wife already suspects it.

If your son is on the spectrum , I'm sure your wife knows about you as well. As to having a dx later in life - I found a cold comfort in finally beginning to understand and let go of the blame and just get on with life - knowing that I'm not some sort of NT failure, but a unique and fundamentally different type of human being. It was nice to realize that...

I was diagnosed at 34.

Welcome to WP.
Congratulations on your diagnosis, it must be a relief after your initial problem in finding a suitable person to help you. I was diagnosed 3 years ago aged 45 told all my immediate family and they treat me just as before.
I don't think telling your wife should be a problem - all the best.

Thanks for the replies and encouragement. I did talk to her about my last session - and she gave a lot of confirmation over the things that were discussed. But I still haven't sat down and talked with her about the diagnosis. I hope that this weekend will be a good time, as she has a big work event on Friday morning - and I would hate to throw a wrench in her week with what could be a long discussion amidst her other work stresses.

We are now going to pick back up the process with our son. After taking him to our family physician, and then a psychiatrist - they said it was too early to diagnosis anything - and that he probably just had ADHD. But that was only spending about 20 minutes with us (and charging us $700). But I hope that since I have been diagnosed, that it will cause the examining individuals reason to spend a bit more time with him.

I'm new to wp myself. To tell my wife about my autism I made a list of my behavioral traits that I knew she was aware of (e.g. using movie lines, hyper-sensitive to tastes and smells, shuns social contacts, etc). I read the list to her and asked who that reminded her of. She said it was me spot-on. Then I told her those were the symptoms for autism. In this way, I sort of let her diagnose me. It worked great!

Welcome.

I did a similar thing before we met with the first psychiatrist. I had a very difficult time when talking to my family physician about everything, so I typed out 5 pages worth of traits, with detailed examples, to bring with me to the appointment.

I sent the list to my wife, and she told me that she knew all of this about me when we were dating 10+ years ago. She just smiled.

So I suppose I am not so much worried about telling her, but actually saying it out loud. As if it will usher me into a new existence somehow. I shared with my sister via a text message.

And again, thank you all so much for your replies. I am really hoping to find a community...one that I have never been able to find before.

Not to belabor the point, but I have come to recognize that I need to rely on what I know, rather than how I feel. Our condition makes it difficult to speak out and extra anxious about the possible results. But we know that a loving wife will accept us for who we are and any changes will probably be positive. We will finally stop blaming ourselves as being weak and trying to be something we simply can't. Our spouse will understand us better and want to help us. Good luck. Russ

Good for you for getting attention on this. I am in my 40 with a pdd son and no one sees the value in looking into what I know is there. Keep getting told that I'm too old for it to make a difference now.

How did you get them to listen? Seeing my shrink in a few weeks andI'd like to go armed with enough that he finally does something. He thinks I'm some kind of bipolar.......

Welcome

True. But if I wasn't invested in this before I am now. Just irritated that it is almost a month to my next appt. More time to research I guess. How does knowing help at our age. As I keep getting told "im doing well enough in the world what would I do with an answer".

Not sure of the answer but I'm ready to find out.

I had to look long and hard to find someone that actually had experience with ASD specifically. I found a local center that specialized in diagnosing children, contacted them (via email) and asked if they could recommend someone for help with an adult diagnosis. Then it took a few months before I could get an appointment scheduled. It was a long few months.

The psychiatrist my family physician sent me to specialized in sleep therapy (don't know why he sent me to him, other than my night terrors). But he dismissed me, told me to have a little more fun and not work so hard. Didn't even glance at the multiple pages of concerns that I had typed out.

Don't get discouraged - and keep pressing forward. Having a diagnosis at this stage in my life probably won't change a whole lot - as I have already developed a good bit of coping skills. But it does give me a better understanding of why life was the it was for me growing up. Which has provided a lot of relief. And has given me a great deal more freedom knowing that I am the way I am for a reason. And I should stop trying so hard to fit in - which is just a soul destroying journey.

And I told my wife on Saturday night. She looked at me and said "This doesn't change our relationship. You are the same person I married 12 years ago."

Which was really nice to hear. We talked about who we should share my diagnosis with, and how we need to go about proceeding with getting our son some help.